claire77 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I've been in an on again/off again relationship with someone for the past year in a half. He didn't treat me very well, was very selfish and in ways manipulative, and made no secret of the fact that he didn't think I was the one for him. Stupidly, I was willing to overlook anything he did or said, and all the ways he acted in order to keep the peace and keep him happy--I was/am that into him. We just had so much fun together any time we were together that I couldn't understand why he would act so differently after I would leave his house. Last night he broke it off with me, I think for the last time. In a way, I do feel a little relieved that now maybe I can go out and find a kind-hearted person who will treat me well. But honestly, what I really feel is absolutely sick about the whole thing. He claims to want to have a friendship with me, but is that even possible? We are in the same profession and as such have many mutual friends, but the times in the past that we have tried to just be friends, we have ended up sleeping together and getting back into the cycle of some weird quasi-relationship. The worst thing is, I feel that who he really is, is inside him somewhere waiting to come out. I do see a really wonderful, generous person in him, and if I could get to that, I feel like we really could be happy together. My questions are, 1) if there is any way to reverse the situation so he sees what he is giving up and get him to want me? and 2) if not, is it possible to ever actually really be friends? Oh and 3) why do I still want him so badly, even after all of this?? This is still so fresh and painful, please help!
Tony Posted May 14, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted May 14, 2005 1) if there is any way to reverse the situation so he sees what he is giving up and get him to want me? It can be done. Stay away from him, don't call him. If he calls you, make the call brief (less than five minutes) but be cordial. Then tell him you have to go meet a guy....then go meet one. Romance is a fire that must be started and fed. You obviously didn't give all the details in your post but since you were very much into him I think you made yourself way too available. The process of getting him interested may be too time and energy draining for you and may not be worth it. There is a very good chance he may never come around. My advice is just to forget him altogether. That may be even a better strategy in getting him interested. When he sees you with other guys, he'll either burn with desire or he'll be happy for you. Either way, you win. 2) if not, is it possible to ever actually really be friends? Why would you want to be friends with somebody with whom you want more? That's just plain dishonest. Move on, find a nice guy, have some children, put them through college and if this guy decides he wants you to be a friend when you're in the retirement home, that would be wonderful. Meanwhile, your goal of finding a mutually satisfying romantic relationship will be severely hindered by your preoccupation with being this guy's friend....especially when you're wanting more. You may have become an annoyance to him, with him knowing full well your agenda. Back off and go in another direction. 3) why do I still want him so badly, even after all of this?? Because he's not interested in you.
BklynGuy Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I was in a similar situation with a girl. She was a nightmare, didnt seem to give two craps about our relationship, and told me for months at one time or another Im not the one. The first time she said it she was mad so I discounted it. Then she said it to me again after 5 months and things had gone downhill with us. I still want her in a way but our relationship was weird and on/off again. It wasnt the right thing for me. We dont talk anymore although we work together. I hate her because she put me through a lotta crap for nothing and then left. She liked to cause trouble and drama. I attribute a lot of our downfall to her and her messed up ways of living and acting. I dont bother anymore but she doesnt either. Its funny how you can appear happy one day and be miserable the next. Leave this guy alone. He doesnt care or is too messed up to be what u want. Move on and find someone new.
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