misspond Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Oh dear. I recently met someone online - and this morning I've had to say you're lovely but I don't think we're meant to be. This is the man that I had an extended online conversation with for three or so weeks before we could get our schedules to tally (both working single parents) and when we did meet there was a quiet but interesting chemistry. We got physical and the chemistry was awesome. But emotionally - I'll admit I'm more reserved, or at least reserved when it comes to someone declaring love after a couple of weeks and then this weekend asking me if I had considered our long term future/living together with the kids.... and this is before I had even met his son (he met my kids one weekend when he came over). We've only been seeing each other "in the flesh" as it were for 6 weeks! I had done everything in my power to explain how I work emotionally, that I don't fall hard and fast and prefer to get to know a person, and two weeks ago when I had explained that I was about to resume work (I work term-time in a difficult field) and that I wouldn't have the time or energy to text throughout the day he said that he could feel I was with-drawing, questioning my, "commitment" to "us". It became exhausting trying to ally his fears and just say, "Look, I've got two children that I look after 90% of the time, one about to start secondary (high) school, a demanding job and I'm just giving you a heads up that I may not be up to flirty chat on a daily basis." There's a small part of me that thinks I didn't give him much of a chance but then the larger part of me thinks, "You know what dude, I did try. I was as open as I could be, shared myself, my free-time, my bed and was respectful of your time spent with your son when we couldn't meet and that's all I could do." So far as I'm concerned I'm nearly half a hundred years old and I thought we were getting to know one another but he had to drop the "L" bomb on me and talk about our long term future. Obviously we weren't a good match, if had been able to reciprocate his feelings and be all lovey-dovey romantic then I would have been. Anyway. Rant over. It's a bloody mine-field out there!
Haydn Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 You explained to him your situation and how you work. 2 weeks is too soon to be making grand proclamations. He should have understood this and not tried to pin a label on you so to speak. He sounds a tad insecure if you have to allay his fears like that. Maybe now you have withdrawn gracefully he might have a think about his approach. Good luck Misspond!
Toodaloo Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I am with Haydn. He was aware that you wanted to take your time. Its OK. You found a good cookie once you can find another that goes a bit slower.
BlueBlood Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Sounds like he was using I love you as a 'reserved for him and him alone' sticker, something to create more couple cohesiveness than would naturally exist, because it's really hard to know another adult well enough in a handful of weeks to know you love them, flaws and all. And let's face it, love doesn't alter when it alteration-in-schedules-finds. All it took for him to lose his cool was you resuming your job. That you have to have. To pay your bills. And feed your kids. Because food and reasons. So pretty fickle of him, I think, all in all. Better luck in the future, for what it's worth I think you made a wise call.
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