casey.lives Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 If you can't change them .... change yourself. 1
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Hi all. Thanks for all your replies while I've been asleep, lol. I have spoken to her more today, and sadly she still seems to be extremely angry about things that have happened in the past and past arguments. She doesn't appear to want to be with me, any more. She is supposed to be coming over to spend the weekend here tonight, but I don't really understand why. I am terrified - to the point that I can't stop crying - of going through another break up. I can't deal with all the emotions and obsessive thoughts that they bring and I find it torture. But it looks like that is what is going to happen.
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 You have to stop initiating contact. Do not contact her for the rest of the day. You hanging on and chasing her only pushes her away. You have no control over what she has decided to do so no point worrying sick. Keep that for later tonight if she decides to break up. 1
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 You have to stop initiating contact. Do not contact her for the rest of the day. You hanging on and chasing her only pushes her away. You have no control over what she has decided to do so no point worrying sick. Keep that for later tonight if she decides to break up. Thank you, Gaeta.
Redhead14 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Hi all. Thanks for all your replies while I've been asleep, lol. I have spoken to her more today, and sadly she still seems to be extremely angry about things that have happened in the past and past arguments. She doesn't appear to want to be with me, any more. She is supposed to be coming over to spend the weekend here tonight, but I don't really understand why. I am terrified - to the point that I can't stop crying - of going through another break up. I can't deal with all the emotions and obsessive thoughts that they bring and I find it torture. But it looks like that is what is going to happen. Wait just a doggone second here. She is extremely angry but wants to spend the weekend with you? You don't understand why? First of all, this is your home. Do not spend the weekend with a woman who is extremely angry. She can come there to talk if you want that and then decide if you want her to stay. But don't allow that unless the talk was reasonable and there has been some resolution or effort toward that. If she cannot control her anger, you ask her to leave. Second of all, do not let your emotions control you in this situation. You need to be clear headed and firm with her. Don't let her roll over you with her anger. If she is still extremely angry about past arguments, there's something else wrong here. You think she is coming there to break up with you but wants to stay the weekend. That doesn't make sense, so I suspect you are either assuming she is breaking up with you or the original plan was to stay the weekend but given her anger, you aren't sure she will. If another argument ensues, don't allow her to stay even if things calm down. When she gets there, let her talk first. Don't pre-empt whatever she is going to say.
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Wait just a doggone second here. She is extremely angry but wants to spend the weekend with you? You don't understand why? Be careful here. <extremely angry> is OP's interpretation of her girlfriend's mood. OP is very emotionally dependent so if her girlfriend is not all lovey dovey with her she will interpret it as her being angry. OP's girlfriend is not emotionally available at this time - that's what she calls <appears angry>
Redhead14 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Be careful here. <extremely angry> is OP's interpretation of her girlfriend's mood. OP is very emotionally dependent so if her girlfriend is not all lovey dovey with her she will interpret it as her being angry. OP's girlfriend is not emotionally available at this time - that's what she calls <appears angry> If that's the way he perceives it, that is HIS reality and so he needs to bolster himself for it regardless. It will do no harm if he is prepared. If he isn't prepared, and given his emotional state at the moment, he will certainly not be able to deal with it the way he needs to. If she's not as angry as he perceives, great. No harm, no foul.
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 If that's the way he perceives it, that is HIS reality and so he needs to bolster himself for it regardless. It will do no harm if he is prepared. If he isn't prepared, and given his emotional state at the moment, he will certainly not be able to deal with it the way he needs to. If she's not as angry as he perceives, great. No harm, no foul. Yes agree. By the way it's a she and a she. 2
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 If that's the way he perceives it, that is HIS reality and so he needs to bolster himself for it regardless. It will do no harm if he is prepared. If he isn't prepared, and given his emotional state at the moment, he will certainly not be able to deal with it the way he needs to. If she's not as angry as he perceives, great. No harm, no foul. I agree too, but remember, the OP herself admitted she has mental health issues, and depending on how serious those issues are (BPD, Bipolar, depression, GAD, etc) it's very difficult to just "bolster" and *emotionally prepare* herself like you and I might be able to. She needs the help of a mental health professional to help her through this. p.s. @ Red, both the OP and her gf are female. 1
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Yes agree. By the way it's a she and a she. Sorry Gaeta just saw this .(after I posted)... and that you had already mentioned the she/she. 1
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I agree too, but remember, the OP herself admitted she has mental health issues, and depending on how serious those issues are (BPD, Bipolar, depression, GAD, etc) it's very difficult to just "bolster" and *emotionally prepare* herself like you and I might be able to. She needs the help of a mental health professional to help her through this. p.s. @ Red, both the OP and her gf are female. I agree - I will need the help of a mental health professional and I am aware of that. By the way, I have been diagnosed with depression and GAD, if you were wondering.
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Well she is still coming here and appears to have calmed down slightly. I think (whoever said it I'm not sure!) that yes, when she isn't being affectionate I take that as her being angry but I'm sure that's not the case... just that there are no pet names, etc so the conversation to me feels more serious? I'm not sure if that makes sense. Anyway. I have no idea what's going to happen. I am hoping we can have a good weekend and not spend it talking on and on about problems without any of them being resolved - I'd much rather see if we can enjoy ourselves. If it does come up, I hope we can agree on a way to move forward somehow. Even if it isn't together.
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I agree - I will need the help of a mental health professional and I am aware of that. By the way, I have been diagnosed with depression and GAD, if you were wondering. I'm sorry, that's really tough. ((hugs)) I experienced the same (depression and GAD often co-exist together) ....last year after my parents passed away within a months of each other. Meds and therapy helped, I am okay now (off meds). Yes, please do seek help....and wishing you blessings and good wishes going forward. 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) Well she is still coming here and appears to have calmed down slightly. I think (whoever said it I'm not sure!) that yes, when she isn't being affectionate I take that as her being angry but I'm sure that's not the case... just that there are no pet names, etc so the conversation to me feels more serious? I'm not sure if that makes sense. Anyway. I have no idea what's going to happen. I am hoping we can have a good weekend and not spend it talking on and on about problems without any of them being resolved - I'd much rather see if we can enjoy ourselves. If it does come up, I hope we can agree on a way to move forward somehow. Even if it isn't together. Sweetie it will only get better if you seek professional help. The loss of your mom plus your diagnostic is too heavy for you to tackle on your own. It's also not the role of your girlfriend to serve as a psychologist to you. Your girlfriend deserves a healthy relationship just as much as you do. Edited September 11, 2015 by Gaeta 1
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I'm sorry, that's really tough. ((hugs)) I experienced the same (depression and GAD often co-exist together) ....last year after my parents passed away within a months of each other. Meds and therapy helped, I am okay now (off meds). Yes, please do seek help....and wishing you blessings and good wishes going forward. Thank you very much I am so sorry to hear that, that must have been awful to go through. Glad to hear that you have come through it and made good progress. x Sweetie it will only get better if you seek professional help. The loss of your mom plus your diagnostic is too heavy for you to tackle on your own. It's also not the role of your girlfriend to serve as a psychologist to you. Your girlfriend deserves a healthy relationship just as much as you do. I know - she does. I don't want her to have to suffer as a result of me. I feel very guilty for it. I also have been referred for psychotherapy and a change of medication, so I am working on that 2
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Having more problems... After a week of me actually trying, she has again found fault with me/something I've apparently done wrong and it's just like.. I can't even be bothered, any more.
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Having more problems... After a week of me actually trying, she has again found fault with me/something I've apparently done wrong and it's just like.. I can't even be bothered, any more. What do you mean by trying? With her, you trying, should have been you doing nothing and giving her space to come toward you.
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