abroham Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I feel that only another black man who has been raised being taught about black history could relate to how im feeling here. I am in my early 30's and am mixed race (half black/white). I have always only ever dated black girls. I have a really close relationship with my mother who is white. I do not see myself as a prejudice and respect all races and treat all people with love and respect. However from a young age it has always bothered me inside when I see a black woman with a white man. Almost as if it was my own girlfriend cheating on me. I can't help how I feel, but it has just always burnt me. I think this started when I was young and my mother (who is white)made an effort to ensure that I had a broad perspective on life and educated me on slavery and black history. So here is my problem here, I have been dating this black beautiful girl. We both have deep feelings for each other, we make each other laugh and have crazy chemistry. As we were talking recently she revealed to me that she has dated white guys and was in a relationship with one for several years. This made my heart feel numb and is hurting me. Now I know it was before me but the thought of a white man sleeping with a girl that I have feelings for is ripping me apart. I haven't shared any of these feelings with her and have been considering weather or not I should just end things with her. What should I do? on the one hand I really care about her, but on the other I can't stand the thought that she has slept with white dudes before me. I want to make it clear that I am not a racist and have never treated any other race badly (so please only respond with open sympathetic advice.)
Satu Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 You don't fit the definition of a racist, so you're not one. Lets leave the idea of mixed couples aside for a moment, and just look at individuals. Is there any difference in the way you feel about black men and white men? Is there any difference in the way you feel about black women and white women? No trick question. I just want to understand.
Author abroham Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 You don't fit the definition of a racist, so you're not one. Lets leave the idea of mixed couples aside for a moment, and just look at individuals. Is there any difference in the way you feel about black men and white men? Is there any difference in the way you feel about black women and white women? No trick question. I just want to understand. It doesn't bother me at all if I see a black man with a white girl. Gay men honestly disgust me (not trying to offend anyone, just being honest again) Gay women don't bother me much& no I do not get the same feeling of a white girl is with a black girl I think this stems from learning about the white slave owners raping black men's wives and children and then whipping them after& that being something a slave would have to put up with for his whole life.
Satu Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 It doesn't bother me at all if I see a black man with a white girl. Gay men honestly disgust me (not trying to offend anyone, just being honest again) Gay women don't bother me much& no I do not get the same feeling of a white girl is with a black girl I think this stems from learning about the white slave owners raping black men's wives and children and then whipping them after& that being something a slave would have to put up with for his whole life. Thanks for replying, but that doesn't answer my question. My question was: "Lets leave the idea of mixed couples aside for a moment, and just look at individuals. Is there any difference in the way you feel about black men and white men? Is there any difference in the way you feel about black women and white women?"
Got it Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 It doesn't bother me at all if I see a black man with a white girl. Gay men honestly disgust me (not trying to offend anyone, just being honest again) Gay women don't bother me much& no I do not get the same feeling of a white girl is with a black girl I think this stems from learning about the white slave owners raping black men's wives and children and then whipping them after& that being something a slave would have to put up with for his whole life. Why the hypocrisy when you switch the sexes? Is it because your parents were that dynamic? Sorry but it is very hypocritical of you, I feel. You are leaning on judging people strictly by skin color than by who they are and evaluating who they should and shouldn't date. That sounds pretty prejudice to me. In regards to your girlfriend, this is just like the number discussion, people shouldn't have it! And it definitely seem men are far more hung up on a women's sexual past, even though it is completely separate of said man, and think that they have some right to the feelings tied to their insecurity. Sigh. Seek therapy and work this out. You can throw away a great girl on your own negative thoughts, prejudices and insecurities or you can own that the feeling isn't right, isn't her fault, and work through it. Your choice.
spiderowl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 How would you feel if she had told you she had slept with black guys? Is this jealousy of previous boyfriends or is more the race that matters?
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