disbelief Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 when woman dump guys how common is there another guy in the picture? this is assuming the guy she dumped is sane and generally a good guy, not some crazy *******. ive recently been dumped and we even have a kid. she swears there's no other guys but i have access to her social media and shes been chatting other guys, nothing happening but this shows me shes interested - and i know for a fact she stayed the night at a guys house but SWEARS they are just friends and she feels nothing for him. she says its convenient to stay there because it saves her a 1 hr drive to work. for some reason i believe her but deep down down im sort of like wtf what woman stays the night with a guy that shes not sleeping with? is this obvious?
erklat Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 She's lying. Think how much you need to work to be alone with a woman at your place. There's emotional cheating at the very least. It's unlikely that a female will dump you before creating her support circle. 1
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Really? Walk away man... You want this girl so badly you are ignoring your intuition. 1
RecentChange Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Yeah I don't know, I don't think these are things you can generalize. I have "dumped" two guys, one - I don't know, I was in a weird place and just not feeling it any more. The second - I had met someone, and without any warning ended it (****ty I know, but I have been with the "other guy" for a decade and a half now). That said, these were guys I was "dating" - sure had some feelings for, but NO where close to having a kid with them! As for staying at a guys house - without sex, I have many many times. But I have always had "guy friends" - I will say while "not single" there is only one guy who I would stay with (been friends with him for 22 years - not some guy I casually know).
Author disbelief Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 Yeah I don't know, I don't think these are things you can generalize. I have "dumped" two guys, one - I don't know, I was in a weird place and just not feeling it any more. The second - I had met someone, and without any warning ended it (****ty I know, but I have been with the "other guy" for a decade and a half now). That said, these were guys I was "dating" - sure had some feelings for, but NO where close to having a kid with them! As for staying at a guys house - without sex, I have many many times. But I have always had "guy friends" - I will say while "not single" there is only one guy who I would stay with (been friends with him for 22 years - not some guy I casually know). so the likely hood that shes sleeping with him is high, shes says hes an old friend too. this is so confusing, i just hate her for tearing our family apart and dont know what to think.
casey.lives Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 sometimes when you are going through hardships and the person your are supposed to turn to is unresponsive, you are left fending for someone- anyone. Feeling vulnerable is pleasant when you consent to it but feeling vulnerable against your will is like drowning and grab anything. Get some satisfaction knowing that they still respond to your call and are with someone who can be trusted, a friend. It could be a lot worse.
RecentChange Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 No, I am not saying it's "highly likely" I have stayed at friends houses countless times without sex (or anything like that) involved - I have road tripped across the country with male friends... But - there is no way any of us can look into a crystal ball and know what is going on based on what you have told us. Did she give ANY reasons? 1st guy got the "it's not you, it's me" speech. 2nd was told the truth "I am sorry but I met someone else". What was her reasoning?
Christos Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Almost always. As simple as that. A woman will never leave without having someone to at least have sex with, and will even try to keep you as a back up plan. The only reason she could leave without finding another one first, would be if there where threats of violence, bad fights, and other serious issues. She will cut contact, and never spend time with you, because she doesn't want you to know. She needs to have the opportunity to come back, if she chooses... If at some point, she doesn't get any of the other guys to commit, or doesn't find someone really better than you, or even if you go on with your life, improve yourself, and find another (usually better) woman, then she WILL come back, trying to ruin everything... Just forget about her. There is a special place in hell for these women... 3
Author disbelief Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 she gave me the i need to work on myself line, she also said we should see different people a few days after the breakup but now 1.5 months later she is saying that she just needs time and that she really loves me but felt like i didn't love her ( which is complete bull****, i loved her and our family greatly) i told her that was bull**** and i reiterated again how much i love her and if i didnt then why do i always think about her and yada yada yada.... and now shes saying just give me time i feel like maybe it didnt work out too well with the other guy and now shes somewhat turning around, what kind of a woman would break her family up before SERIOUSLY working on it? she just made a choice and went with it. there was never any serious talk like " hey if we dont work on things then im outta here" she just shot first and asked questions later kinda thing. more reason for me to think she just lost interest in me sexually and waiting until she had something else lined up.
thejabberwocky Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 when woman dump guys how common is there another guy in the picture? this is assuming the guy she dumped is sane and generally a good guy, not some crazy *******. ive recently been dumped and we even have a kid. she swears there's no other guys but i have access to her social media and shes been chatting other guys, nothing happening but this shows me shes interested - and i know for a fact she stayed the night at a guys house but SWEARS they are just friends and she feels nothing for him. she says its convenient to stay there because it saves her a 1 hr drive to work. for some reason i believe her but deep down down im sort of like wtf what woman stays the night with a guy that shes not sleeping with? is this obvious? I would say usually, it's probably not that common for women to leave for someone else. I would say most women try really hard to keep relationships together out of sheer maternal instinct. But I would say in your case, it sounds like she's with this guy. Sorry.
d0nnivain Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 In all my dating years I have broken up with men when I had another guy in the wings & I have broken up with men without having somebody else out there. Men have dumped me with & without other immediate options. It's not universal. Because there were already sleep overs with "an old friend" so soon after your break up, that is some indication that she had him waiting in the wings but it's not conclusive proof. In the end it doesn't matter. She has already said she doesn't want to be with you. For your son's sake focus on giving him the most stable environment through this transition & beyond
mightycpa Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 If there isn't one already, there will soon be. So really, what difference does it make? As for the overnight pal, he might be one of those too-nice guys who thinks he's getting closer to her by letting her crash at his play, but really, he's just enabling her exit plan, and both of you will be crying in your beers when she is head over heels for some douchebag that neither of you can believe she's with.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 As men, we're pretty much interchangeable. Oh she might tell you how special you are when she's with you, but she'll be telling the next guy the same thing. All this stuff about how men don't commit is BS, IMO. It's the women who cut and run when they find a new shiny thing. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this opinion. Just calling it like I see it over 20 years of dating. So, yeah, they usually leave you for another guy. Don't take it personally. It's just what they do. Don't count on a woman to give you self esteem, b/c if you do, you'll be ruined when they vanish. 1
Author disbelief Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 As men, we're pretty much interchangeable. Oh she might tell you how special you are when she's with you, but she'll be telling the next guy the same thing. All this stuff about how men don't commit is BS, IMO. It's the women who cut and run when they find a new shiny thing. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this opinion. Just calling it like I see it over 20 years of dating. So, yeah, they usually leave you for another guy. Don't take it personally. It's just what they do. Don't count on a woman to give you self esteem, b/c if you do, you'll be ruined when they vanish. good call, this seems true. unless you are really doing it for her in all aspects you will be replaced with a replacement part. im my experience they dont fix the issue they just replace it
theredpill Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Let's get rid of the behaviour side, neediness, jealousy and general compatibility issues and the reality is we get complacent or life's challenges get in the way of courting our women, they really do just want to have fun and bond imo, because when they bond and love you completely all kinds of wonderful things happen, until we get lazy. I've never had a breakup no matter how long the relationship, whilst I was putting the effort in and we had fun - it's always when life's challenges get in the way, sometimes you get over them together and sometimes you don't. Better to find out sooner rather than later, whether someone is going to go all the way. Either way, enjoy the experience - it doesn't need to be as painful as many make it.
oldshirt Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Assuming the father of her child is not abusive, addicted to drugs/alcohol, cheating on her and hasn't abandoned the family, the chances of woman leaving the father of her child that does not involve another man is probably somewhere around 5%. (that is a statistic completely pulled out of my butt, but it is probably right on the money nonetheless) Women simply don't leave the fathers of their young children except in cases where the father is abusive, addicted, cheating, has abandoned her or there is another man in the picture. If you are honestly and sincerely none of those things, then there is a 95+% chance she is at least warming another man up on deck if not involved in a fullblown affair currently. And this whole "I-need-to-find-myself" thing is one of the biggest crocks of crap in the history of womankind. The direct translation of "I need space/I need time/I need to find myself," is = " I need to try this other guy on for size to see if he will be a good replacement for you." "I need space" is almost always to give someone else a whirl and to determine if it is going to be an ongoing relationship vs a hook up. And the vast majority of the time, the hook up has already occurred. Given what you have said about her and the things she has done and said, If you aren't abusive, addicted etc, she is screwing someone else. There is essentially no chance that she is not. I am sorry :-(
Author disbelief Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Let's get rid of the behaviour side, neediness, jealousy and general compatibility issues and the reality is we get complacent or life's challenges get in the way of courting our women, they really do just want to have fun and bond imo, because when they bond and love you completely all kinds of wonderful things happen, until we get lazy. I've never had a breakup no matter how long the relationship, whilst I was putting the effort in and we had fun - it's always when life's challenges get in the way, sometimes you get over them together and sometimes you don't. Better to find out sooner rather than later, whether someone is going to go all the way. Either way, enjoy the experience - it doesn't need to be as painful as many make it. this is true, very hard to get them back if they leave after things got complacent but im trying. who knows i could be totally wrong about her sleeping with other guy, my intuition cant really figure it out which could be a good thing.
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