highseas Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) I was helping a friend run errands today at the local law court in the morning. I saw this beautiful and helpful woman who was a clerk at the office. We talked only briefly but I could not stop thinking about her. I have never been in this court and likely never need to go there again--I've lived here for years and this was the first time I stepped foot in there. Anyway, we were done with errands and parted company. I was smitten with her and decided: "What the heck, I'm going to say what's on my mind and ask her out". So I went there and found her missing as she was on lunch break. Slightly less than an hour later, I gathered up my courage again (if you know me, I am shy and introverted and this is super bold of me to act so boldly--or stupidly--or rashly). I went there. There was torrential rain this time--that just added to the drama of it all. I got somewhat soaked but got in there. I saw her--her supervisor was out for lunch now (they took turns). She was wet, having just come back. I made small talk about the rain and how we needed it and how helpful she was to my friend in the morning. Then I cut to the chase and said something like: I hope you don't think it's too crazy...but I think you're stunningly beautiful and would like to ask you out. She looked shy and looked down for maybe 2 seconds and then said something like: thank you very much; that's very sweet of you. I'm not married but I'm seeing someone right now. Well, I knew it was failure then. I said "I'm not surprised [implying that she's beautiful and not surprised that she's seeing someone]. All the while, she unleashed her wet hair and let it run down her back and she looked even more beautiful. So I said I wish them well, and the gave her my business card with my cell # written on it by hand and said if things don't work out you know where to find me. She made a couple of comments about my friend's errand and so did I and then I took leave of the place. As I was at the exit door she said bye and smiled and waved at me. I looked back and waved and went out into the rain. Oh boy...it could have been such a romantic moment if it had turned out right. She was soaked and I was soaked, and I was direct, pretty confident, and I just wanted to let her know what was on my mind, coming out there specifically on a second trip (she probably knew it was my second trip since I saw her supervisor when she was on lunch break and I said I might have dropped something in the office; so the supervisor probably would let her know if she saw anything). Was I too rash? too forward? should I have given her my card with my cell # on it? 5% chance or no chance at all that she would contact me? did she really think I was sweet? (she was smiling and looking shy to me and got her hair down and everything as we were talking about all this. She was looking down or even bowing down almost as I said my piece). Well...another failure. But I did feel a little bit upbeat that I was bold enough to seek her out and be a man about it instead of beating around the bush. Edited September 10, 2015 by highseas 4
angel.eyes Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Was I too rash? too forward? should I have given her my card with my cell # on it? 5% chance or no chance at all that she would contact me? did she really think I was sweet? (she was smiling and looking shy to me and got her hair down and everything as we were talking about all this. She was looking down or even bowing down almost as I said my piece). Well...another failure. But I did feel a little bit upbeat that I was bold enough to seek her out and be a man about it instead of beating around the bush. I think your approach was perfect. I also think it was a great idea to leave your number in case she changed her mind. Kudos on overcoming your fears and going for it. You should be proud of yourself! Just keep trying. Eventually someone you like will like you back. 5
Jules Dash Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 This was not a failure at all. You approached someone you were attracted to and it was something you normally would not do. This was success. 3
Lansing Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 The lesson learnt is that rejection isn't so bad. I really regret not asking our a girl so much more than I feel regret having asked her out and then feeling rejected. Dating is definitely a numbers game. Continue to small talk and make bold moves. In the future, maybe don't focus on how beautiful a girl is, and maybe don't preface what you are going to say with a comment about "hope you don't think this is crazy" but overall, just keep asking girls out! 4
Jules Dash Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 The lesson learnt is that rejection isn't so bad. I really regret not asking our a girl so much more than I feel regret having asked her out and then feeling rejected. Dating is definitely a numbers game. Continue to small talk and make bold moves. In the future, maybe don't focus on how beautiful a girl is, and maybe don't preface what you are going to say with a comment about "hope you don't think this is crazy" but overall, just keep asking girls out! Rejection is only feared by those who haven't been rejected enough. You really do become immune to it eventually. At this point, I barely shrug my shoulders and just keep stepping. 2
road Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I think you did a great job. Smart to leave your number for things can change and she can now call you if they do change. 1
Author highseas Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 Thanks for the encouraging comments so far! Yes, I felt and still feel bad it didn't work out the way I wanted, but it's good that I gave it a try instead of daydreaming about her and never having the guts to approach her, as I normally would do. It takes a lot for me to overcome the fear of rejection, even after this episode. I also agree that I should talk about her beauty and some of her other features (kindness, for example--which I did allude to earlier before the "real" talk). I did look her up online and found her to be very creative, and I would have liked to talk about that except that I feared that she might think I was already online-stalking her. So I didn't talk about her being creative, which I liked. I understand it's a numbers game in some ways, but it took so much for me personally just to do what I did today. I'm going to try to stay positive and deal with rejections better.
joseb Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 The lesson learnt is that rejection isn't so bad. I really regret not asking our a girl so much more than I feel regret having asked her out and then feeling rejected. Dating is definitely a numbers game. Continue to small talk and make bold moves. In the future, maybe don't focus on how beautiful a girl is, and maybe don't preface what you are going to say with a comment about "hope you don't think this is crazy" but overall, just keep asking girls out! Yeah i have had sleeplessness nights mulling over not asking a girl out. If i ask her out and she says no, i have a momentaryperiod of dissapointment, but realy its no big deal. You did great to do it. I agree though, i would never make comments about her appearance like that myself unless we were going out. Sounds like you had a good convo, beter to say something about how nice it was talking.etc. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I wouldn't call it a rejection. When I am in a relationship with someone, I wouldn't go out with any man no matter how great he is. I think you did great! Smooth... 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong. Who knows maybe her having a bf is just a line she gives to all the guys who hit on her. You left her number so if she has a change of heart she might cal you. 1
MrMeh Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 "Another failure..." Are you kidding me? You did great. I honestly think rejections are what made me gain the most confidence. Biggest lesson I still go by is that regret is worse than rejection. I still have a way to go though also. Good luck! 2
Author highseas Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I'm in my 30s now...why? Did I act like a 20 something?
avintagegirl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Bravo! You did a great job! I love the wave you gave her at the end. I know that you were hoping for her to say yes to an offer of a date, and while that couldn't happen I bet you made her feel pretty great. Its raining, she probably felt like a wet dog and here she has a fellow give her his number. Shoot, if that were me, my day would be made! I don't know your story, but this sounds like you are on a really good track. Best of luck to you! 1
Siquijor Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 It's definitely not a failure. She specifically mentioned that she's not married which she didn't have to say and the bit about already seeing someone could be a small white lie made up in the heat of the moment. Don't give up on her but don't build your hopes up either.
Zippy2000 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 First of all I struggled to read your post. No paragraphs and to be honest I didint read all of it. I did get the part about you leaving your number. Great move! I done something similar last year. I met a good looking girl at a bar. I wasnt going to ask her out but my friends suggested giving my number to her as it gave her the option to contact me if she wanted to. So I did! I stroleld up to her and left my number with her. Looking back now. Im glad I did. I m now quite close to her. Well done on your move but next time write posts with paragraphs. lol
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I'm in my 30s now...why? Did I act like a 20 something? Well its just it seems most guys have gotten this sorted out by their late teens or early 20's
fitnessfan365 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I wouldn't call it a rejection. When I am in a relationship with someone, I wouldn't go out with any man no matter how great he is. I think you did great! Smooth... Not trying to be a downer. But a single woman saying she has a boyfriend or that she's seeing someone is one of the oldest tricks in the book for avoiding an awkward situation w-a guy she's not interested in. However, I do have to give you props OP. It's not easy for you to approach women. Especially one that you're were so attracted to. So you stepped outside your comfort zone and went for it. That in itself is a victory. The secret now is just to keep doing it because repetition is the mother of skill.
Jules Dash Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Not trying to be a downer. But a single woman saying she has a boyfriend or that she's seeing someone is one of the oldest tricks in the book for avoiding an awkward situation w-a guy she's not interested in. Possibly but should could really have a boyfriend that she is smitten with.
LovecraftLover Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 This the kind of story I like to hear. Kudos to you!
wb1988 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 OP your post was a great story. At the end there was nothing that you could do, she already had a BF. But hopefully you've learned that not getting the number/date (I wouldn't call it rejection in this case) isn't so bad and is certainly better than the anxious feeling of wanting to ask but still have not. single woman saying she has a boyfriend or that she's seeing someone is one of the oldest tricks in the book for avoiding an awkward situation w-a guy she's not interested in. Or she could have a bf, there are girls that have bfs/husbands you know .
oberkeat Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) Then I cut to the chase and said something like: I hope you don't think it's too crazy...but I think you're stunningly beautiful and would like to ask you out. I'll be the Debbie downer. This part where you prefaced asking her out with, I hope you don't think this is crazy, gives the impression you lack confidence in your approach. Fix that. The next part where you told her she was "stunningly" beautiful etc sounded over the top, and might actually make many gals uncomfortable coming from some dude she doesn't even know. Never give a woman you don't know a compliment she hasn't earned. You put her on a pedestal before you even got to know her. Edited September 12, 2015 by oberkeat
Recommended Posts