lemby Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Hi everyone, I'm new here. My beloved father died on march 3 after having cancer for 2 years. It's been so hard to go through this. Here we are just a little over 2 months since he died and my brother, who i guess has a different style of grieving than i do, wants to 'move on' and settle the estate. i just don't feel ready to do this yet as i cannot decide what to do with my dad's house, which is the house i grew up in. I would love for my brother to buy me out so the house stays in the family (he currently lives in NY near my dad's house, i live in DC) but my brother only wants to move in if we continue to co-own the house and he pays all the bills. that would be fine except i could really use the money to buy a house here (I have a one bedroom apt).... i'm tring to respect my brother's need to move forward but it's too soon for me.... lori
seagirl Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 It's nice that you are trying to do what is best for your brother, but what about you?? You need to do what is best for yourself too you know. Try to explain to your brother that it is just too soon for you and you don't want to make any decisions based on emotions. Sorry for your loss!
Chris777 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 My family had a similar mess with my grandmothers estate, my uncle just went in and started trashing stuff my grand parents took years aquiring. My mom just sort of let him run the show, even though he has gotten into trouble over hastey decisions. have you asked him about buying you out? My dad wishes my mom would offer up her half to my uncle as they are currently renting it out and splitting the rent money, yet our side (ie my dad) ususall ends up with maintenanc oproblems getting himm all riled up. I honestly dont understand why people dont just say something sometimes. i mean its not my place in this situation, but if it were me and my sister i know i would then.
Author lemby Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 well my brother sold my dad's car today, for a mere $1700.. he took it to a dealer like a dummy . i'm annoyed that he did that because we could have gotten more if we sold privately.... it's not even the money as much as it's "my dad's car," like i wish we would have gotten more becaue it was my dad's car he wanted to sell it a WEEK after my dad passed away and I freaked out! It's just mazda civic but i wans't ready to let go of anything! oh whoa is me! i didn't say anything to him because i figure what's done is done and I have other battles to wage. I think my fiance is going to call my mother's common-law-husband and talk to him about my brother buying me out of dad's house. he's a fool not to! he'll never get a house that cheaply and well it would be sooooooooooo good to keep the house in the family. It would make me feel so much better... but he's a dummy! dumb dumb dumb! thanks for letting me vent.
SexKitten Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 so...why does your brother have to buy you out? wouldn't it make more sense for you to buy him out? you need a house anyway. i'm confused. sorry for your loss, and that this matter is complicating all of your grief.
Author lemby Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 hi clarabella wow, i would love to buy him out BUT i live in DC! If I lived in NY i would buy him out in a heartbeat. But I can't move to NY or I can, I guess anything is technially possible, but my life/work/friends/fiance are all here!!! My brother lives 10 minute away in a one bedroom apt!!! So that's why, I'm in DC, House is in NY! YES this matter is complicating my grief. I want to put it aside and grieve and worry about it all LATER. I think what I'll do is go to NY in June and meet with attorney for informational discussion only, talk options and then SIT ON IT.. thanks for writing. Pretty name!! Lori
JanieQP Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Hi Lori, I don't have any advice other than to do what you're doing and not let him force you into anything. And I wanted to say that I really feel for you ... and that issues dealing with the home in which we grew up are sticky and involve grief even without a death in the picture.
HokeyReligions Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Have you considered just selling the house outright and splitting the money? I know you want to keep the house in the family, but if you are not going to live there anyway wouldn't your father have wanted you to have your own home? I know it's hard to let go, but the house is not your father. Your memories are not being sold with the house--you will always have them. You and your brother could both select a few pieces from the house that you want to keep close and let go of the rest.
Author lemby Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 hi.. yes, i definitely am considering selling the house, it's just that it's so hard. I mean i know i can do it and "get over it," but the thought of someone else in there just make me feel so sad. plus the house is not in great shape, my dad didn't maintain it as well as it should have been maintained, and i'm just so afraid that someone will come in there and change the whole house. I know, it's all very emotional and i really need to think financial now, but i guess i will soon enough, but it's so hard!!!!!!! selling a family house, OUCH.... really hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pocky Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 It sounds like both of you are more concerned with coming out with a 'good deal' as opposed to doing the right thing. And I'm not saying that one behavior is right over the other - that's my point. You have expectations just like your brother. He's not wrong in wanting to finalize the situation. The only reason you're sitting on the house is because you want to make sure you can get the best deal possible for you (ie., you sell house to him - you get money for your own house and you keep house in family). I think you may need to decide which one is more important to you and then go from there. You're trying to get everything you want and you're not really wanting to compromise. You have two choices: 1. You sell the house and split the profit and buy your own house. 2. You keep ownership, but allow your brother to move in and pay for upkeep and living expenses. Which do you want? Trying to have both isn't really "fair."
Author lemby Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 well it's true, i would LOVE it if my brother would buy the house... i can't help but want that. but i know that it's his decision. selling that house will break my heart but it seems that's what is going to have to happen since my brother wants to use the cash as investments elsewhere.... oh well.... we will do the right things, we are both good and fair people, it's just still so emotional.. lately i've been missing my dad BIG TIME. it's been 2 months 3 weeks and well i think maybe now it's really sinking in, and it's been a long time since i've spoken with him and i just want to call him so badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh. thanks for responding, you are right, i know we need to do the right thing, i just WISH for my own heart that my brother wanted to buy the house..... sad me
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