opalant Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 My ex boyfriend of 3 years and 3 months left me nearly 4 months ago now. He broke up with me and gave me a black eye on the way out of his house. We were together from the ages of 15 to 18, we were each other's first loves but now I'm finally moving on. I've been no contact for a while now, but he's recently started trying to contact me as I've written in an earlier thread. I've now got him blocked on everything, hopefully he won't be able to find another way to contact me. When I think about him and us I don't cry as much anymore, I just feel nostalgic because it's just memories now. I've realised that the few good memories weren't worth the emotional and physical abuse at the end. I don't have any urge to contact him or check what he's up to, I can think about him with someone else and instead of feeling upset and jealous I just feel sorry for whoever ends up with him next. I know that I'm strong enough now to not ever go back to him again. I've actually met someone who I like very much and who I know I could be happy with but I'm leaving it for a few more months until I'm completely healed. It's just that now that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel I'm scared. A small part of me is scared to go out into the unknown because my ex is all I've ever known. I feel sad knowing that we definitely won't ever be together again because of what he's done to me, there's no going back from that. It's the old him that I miss, I feel like I'm clinging on to him by one thread and I just can't seem to cut it, I feel like even though he treated me so badly, he was my first love, I feel like I won't ever have a connection quite like that again, like it won't be as special. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt like this? I want to keep moving forward but I don't know how.
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Enduring physical abuse at such a young age is going to change you in ways, someone like me who never had to deal with such horrors can understand. If you haven't already, tell your parents the truth about him & ask them to get you some professional counseling. Whatever you feel, you feel. Feelings just are. They aren't right or wrong. Objectively however, you are making excellent progress. You are getting stronger. And the next relationship should be better & free from violence. If you see violence at the 1st sign get out & get some help immediately. 1
Author opalant Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 I think I'm going to ask for counselling from my college, I want to properly deal with what's happened to me so that it doesn't affect my future. I know I'll be better without him, that someone will treat me a million times better than him too, but I don't know why this small part of me is still holding on after what he did. I feel like I'm stuck in my healing. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Glad to hear that you are in school & that you are willing to use their available resources to help yourself. A good counselor will get you unstuck & will prevent you from repeating dangerous patterns. 2
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