madde Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) Hello,Hope87! Please remeber - you didn't lower your standarts, what you did was normally. You wanted to get clear answer and that was the reason why you were chasing him in the end when he was hiding from you in immature way. I did the same - and only now I understandd that next time I will never be in ralationship with anyone if I will have the smallest doubts he is one of these kind man. I understand you - it is very cruel and hard expierence. Honestly, you are holding very well - you don't beg and plead him after breakup, you have yourself and dignity and after time you will see - it is right what you did - going to NC and fighting for yourself. I read your text and feels like you are my twin - I am also 28 years old, with good career and great family and friends. You'll be allright. And what can I say - if he don't remeber you know, he will remember somehow in his lifetime because you were one of the best things he had in his life. Stay stong, darling! Edited September 13, 2015 by madde 1
anna121 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Hi Hope, I'm sorry you're hurting. It always, always sucks. I know. This guy did the classic bait and switch, but then he was quite upfront about his intentions. As some other posters have already mentioned, he basically told you what to expect and your mistake at that point was continuing to contact him. When getting over something like this, a good rule of thumb is to think in months. A month from now, you will feel different, and a month from then, even more so. That, of course, will be greatly helped by doing things that make you happy, keeping busy, seeing people. Interesting that you said in one of your more recent posts how difficult it was to have someone there one day, and gone the next. Except he WASN'T really there....was he? You had, at most, an ideal of who he was punctuated by sporadic personal contact. I know you put a lot of personal time and energy into it....but it sounds like for a while he really wasn't a big part of your life. Next time, listen more closely to people who know someone you start to date. Don't brush it off. And, when someone tells you 'this is how it is", and the "it" is not something you like, don't simply accept that. Move on. It will get better. Promise. 1
Author Hope87 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Thanks a lot for your comments and kind words Madde and Anna. Really appreciate them. I hope you feel better soon Madde. *Big hug*. Regret is one of the biggest things I'm struggling with right now, in view of the fact that anyone could have predicted the outcome of this relationship. I could have avoided this, if I had been more careful. It really is quite painful but I'll take the lessons on board for the future. What made me so comfortable, comfortable enough to trust him was the depth of the things he said to me, initially. I should have paid more attention to his subsequent actions. This too shall pass. Not looking forward to resuming work tomorrow but I'll just have to deal with it. 1
madde Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) You wanted to believe in miracle - that's it. And it is hard to say - sometimes they happen, sometimes not. It is good that already you are taking lessons from past. My start was similar - although I was careful with him for about 1.5 month and then I decided to give full chance and trust him . I can say our 6 months was good, there was differences, but nothing that I could name as a big issue, we were getting along very well. But his mother didn't appreciate me as I am not coming from wealthy family and I am older than him and he didn't fight for me. And when I trusted him and opened my heart - he simply slap my face and heart literary. So your story is very close to my heart. You didn't deserve it. Noone every deserves breakups like that. Regrets will be a big issue, but seems you are very reasonable and find your lessons from this case. Maybe at timeline it will give most important lessons in your life although very rough lessons. Big hug and post here your emotions. People there care for you. Edited September 13, 2015 by madde
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