Jadedbyluv Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Dating never seems to get any easier. As much as I have learned and grown over the last few years, I always end up lost and confused. Been dating this guy for about four months. Things were going swimmingly or so I thought. We had a blast together and we had a ton in common. It seemed like we had a really good thing going as we got to know each other more and more and see if we were truly compatible. Then out of the blue, I get completely blindsided by a text nonetheless. Stating he wasn't sure he felt the way he should after 4 months. I was a bit confused but I thought he was doing the right thing if he truly didn't feel there was a future. Fast forward two weeks later, he asked to get together because he missed spending time with me and thought we could talk. We get together, and it was like nothing had changed. We talked for a long time about things. He mentioned that he really missed me and missed the things we used to do together. Part of the conversation was about how he was afraid to get too involved with anybody because he wants to avoid the feelings and emotions with dating since he was deeply hurt in his last relationship. Plus, he questioned why I would even want to date him because he said he is boring and I could do a lot better. After that I got a better understanding of him but I don't have a better idea what that means with us. He talked about doing more stuff together again but I'm still really hesitant. I don't know if he wants to seriously date me or not. I am afraid to get too involved myself if he is only half-heartedly in it. I know I should bring it up again but I feel like he still might need more time to sort through his own feelings. Do I even give this a second try?
Redhead14 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Dating never seems to get any easier. As much as I have learned and grown over the last few years, I always end up lost and confused. Been dating this guy for about four months. Things were going swimmingly or so I thought. We had a blast together and we had a ton in common. It seemed like we had a really good thing going as we got to know each other more and more and see if we were truly compatible. Then out of the blue, I get completely blindsided by a text nonetheless. Stating he wasn't sure he felt the way he should after 4 months. I was a bit confused but I thought he was doing the right thing if he truly didn't feel there was a future. Fast forward two weeks later, he asked to get together because he missed spending time with me and thought we could talk. We get together, and it was like nothing had changed. We talked for a long time about things. He mentioned that he really missed me and missed the things we used to do together. Part of the conversation was about how he was afraid to get too involved with anybody because he wants to avoid the feelings and emotions with dating since he was deeply hurt in his last relationship. Plus, he questioned why I would even want to date him because he said he is boring and I could do a lot better. After that I got a better understanding of him but I don't have a better idea what that means with us. He talked about doing more stuff together again but I'm still really hesitant. I don't know if he wants to seriously date me or not. I am afraid to get too involved myself if he is only half-heartedly in it. I know I should bring it up again but I feel like he still might need more time to sort through his own feelings. Do I even give this a second try? He may simply have been experiencing a period of uncertainty about you and that is common at this stage of a dating scenario. If you are really interested in him, observe how he dates you now. If he comes on stronger, seems more "dedicated", see how it plays out for a while. Set a time limit for yourself though, say another month or so. Sometimes an emotionally unavailable man will do these pull back periods often. So observe carefully. The appear half-hearted because they can only "give" half their heart if that. The fact that he said you can do better, indicates he has low-self esteem which is the root of emotional unavailability. They don't like themselves very much and wonder why anyone would want them. Which in turn means that the person who does, has a problem too, in their minds and that is often the case anyway. If a man is emotionally unavailable they are caught in an emotional catch-22. They want and need a connection with a woman but know they can't maintain a relationship. They keep trying but always have one foot in and one foot out. Not only that, every time they try and fail, it feeds their low-esteem issue and so it gets compounded. I'm just telling you to observe and be cognizant of all this. Because if you go too far down the road with him, it will be a painful and unfulfilling relationship where you are doing all the work. I'm not saying run, just pay attention to how he makes you feel. 2
sin miedo Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Dating never seems to get any easier. As much as I have learned and grown over the last few years, I always end up lost and confused. Been dating this guy for about four months. Things were going swimmingly or so I thought. We had a blast together and we had a ton in common. It seemed like we had a really good thing going as we got to know each other more and more and see if we were truly compatible. Then out of the blue, I get completely blindsided by a text nonetheless. Stating he wasn't sure he felt the way he should after 4 months. I was a bit confused but I thought he was doing the right thing if he truly didn't feel there was a future. Fast forward two weeks later, he asked to get together because he missed spending time with me and thought we could talk. We get together, and it was like nothing had changed. We talked for a long time about things. He mentioned that he really missed me and missed the things we used to do together. Part of the conversation was about how he was afraid to get too involved with anybody because he wants to avoid the feelings and emotions with dating since he was deeply hurt in his last relationship. Plus, he questioned why I would even want to date him because he said he is boring and I could do a lot better. After that I got a better understanding of him but I don't have a better idea what that means with us. He talked about doing more stuff together again but I'm still really hesitant. I don't know if he wants to seriously date me or not. I am afraid to get too involved myself if he is only half-heartedly in it. I know I should bring it up again but I feel like he still might need more time to sort through his own feelings. Do I even give this a second try? Hold up, red flag right there. Someone doesn't say they're "boring" and that their SO "could do a lot better" unless he is unconfident/low self-esteem or is coming up with a BS excuse to break away from the relationship. I know because I've pulled the "you can do better" card a lot when I wanted to let a girl down easy. Tread carefully.
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