FarAndAway Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I have been in a long distance relationship now for about 9 months. What makes our situation unusual is that we never really had a chance to set a foundation for a relationship because we met a few weeks before he moved away. He lives on one coast and I am on the other.... about as far away as one can get in the same country Anyway, he is 30 years old but he really hasn't been in too many REAL relationships. He is what one would call the opposite of a player. Prior to this relationship, I was with someone that cheated on me numerous times so you can say I am a bit sensitive in that department. I believe he is a trust worthy guy because my gut tells me so... believe me, I am an expert at this point. He is kinda shy and really hasn't had much luck in the woman department for most of his life... I have on many occasions referred to him as a relationship retard (not to his face of course) But there is one thing that he does that bothers me a great deal and maybe you all can shed some light on this. Why is it that when he is out he feels the need to tell me every single woman that tries to pick up on him? A couple of weeks ago, he was at a party (in his part of the country) and was texting me the entire time... He proceeded to tell me that (so and so) was picking up on him. The next message said "she is overweight" then the next one said "Guess its time to let her down now and that he hates to hurt people's feelings." The ironic thing is, I was out with my friends that night and had a guy picking up on me! Did I say anything?? Hell no... Im a bit more mature than that. In fact, I never did say anything except for when he came out and asked me if anyone picked up on me that night and I said yes... I asked him NOT to convey those things to me and he said, he is a very honest guy (which he is) and feels he needs to tell me everything. Thing is... he doesn't realize that not only does this not benefit me in any way but it kinda upsets me considering my recent history. He didn't understand my asking him not to do that and got even a bit defensive with me saying that he feels good being honest and also likes to know what happens with me when we are not around. Well, sure enough last night, he is in New Orleans with a friend (a friend that I am not crazy about for many reasons) and he told me he was in a strip bar. He can take or leave strip bars but his sleazy friend can't live without them. He said "a stripper just said I was cute and I asked her if she said that to all the guys and she No seriously!" Now, I am thinking why is he TELLING ME THIS??? I said "dont trust a stripper" and he said "why? I am not cute?" I said "no silly, she wants your money!" He is not the worldlest person and is a bit naive. None of this would be happening if we were together.. he is very respectful and is NOT a womanizer in any way.. but I am not sure I understand this behavior... it seems so immature?!?! THoughts anyone?
Author FarAndAway Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Whoa.... ok.. can you elaborate please?
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 He tries to make you jealous by referring to other chicks and gets mad at you for asking him to stop. But he insists he hasn't had much luck with women. Plus he lives across the country and you barely know him, except when you chat or talk on the phone. I think it's better to meet someone local, someone you can see everyday. Talk to him all you want, but don't put your eggs in one basket. Long distance is a waste of time and effort, unless you've already established something beforehand.
Author FarAndAway Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 Ok.. what if he really hasn't had many relationships.. and that he really is a geek... he has a heck of a time expressing his emotions... and the only time I ever got to get him to admit he loves me is one night... when he was drunk I had to ask him too... He does treat me well tho.. kind... takes care of me in financial ways... when I clearly never asked for it and expressed it wasn't needed...
bubblygrl5 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 My guy often lacks tact when talking to me - but if I explicitly tell him something irks/bothers/irritates/hurts/upset/annoys me, he will most definitely make an effort not to repeat his mistake. What I find alarming isn't that your guy does what he does - but that he won't stop! If he cannot be more sensitive, you should look for someone who can! My bf will occasionally tell me some girl hit on him - and I'll give him a dirty look and move on. I think it's normal to try and make your SO jealous every now and again. But if he texted me from a party, it would be to say hello, or to say he missed me. Texting about the stripper is just odd. Tell him to shape up, or you're gonna look elsewhere. He seems: 1)Extremeley insecure 2) Extremeley immature 3) Both Good luck!
westernxer Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Don't do this because you feel sorry for him. You're not doing anyone a favor, least of all you. If you really like him then go for it, but the odds are against you given the distance. I think you're taking this too seriously, given you haven't really spent any real time together in the same physical space. You can talk to him all you like, but it doesn't count unless you're together. I've done the long distance thing before, and it fizzled once we hooked up. Everything we said over the phone was just filler... I'll never do it again, silly me.
bubblygrl5 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 ALSO - what ever happened to the honeymoon phase! Relationships rarely blossom from a rocky start. You guys havent been going out TOO long...it should be so easy and happy right now. Problems early on are never a good sign. And him not knowing this bothers you after 9 months is not good either. B
UrbanAngel Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Well...hmm honesty. To be perfectly honest I have done this same thing he does to you to my boyfriend. Why? For me it is cause I I like to see how he reacts, if he is jealous. then he cares. The other reason is I want him to worry so he picks up and moves here quicker as a result of being worried. It's stupid and immature but no one is perfect.
Author FarAndAway Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 Interesting point Urban girl.... It's not like I haven't told him how I feel... He knows how I feel.. I just texted him "I love you" and he said "I miss you and wish you were here" He can't even say that... boy.. maybe I should move on.. what an ass I am.... Wonder why he stays with me??
smile95 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 funny mine used to do this too. We were LDR. I hated it and I figured out that #1 he wanted me to know he was desirable to others, #2 he maybe wanted me jealous, #3 it was a lie. I NEVER told him when that happ to me???? It did, bnut I never would say it! Really, if something was going on-he would not say all that. So be glad...worry when he stops saying that-lol
gyfogurl321 Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 hey.. here wat i think. i do that to my guy to make him jelous. i think he will care more about wat i go of he thinks that everywhere i go someone will be loooking at me. do u tell him hes sexy and all the good qualities about him often enough? if not he will probally continue.
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Hey there-- So you are taken in by this guy. He has little experience in relationships -- or so he says. You really don't know him very well -- sad but true. We can be anyone we want on the phone. With no foundation of being together, you really don't know how he is with his friends, etc. You only know what he says. Just think about that. There are people who lie. And this "I have not had many relationships" could be his excuse to say and do things he may know are not right. It is also a hook for plenty of girls out there who have been cheated on and are desperately trying to find a guy who -- in their mind -- would feel lucky to have them and never cheat on them or treat them badly. Just something to think about.
lvgrl Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 everything from the start is usually good, or else you wouldnt get into the relationship to start with, to build and grow from that..think back to what got you hooked, to what made you realize that you wanted to step out of just friends and into the brutal world of relationships.. play his game hun, he wants to make you jelous, then by God...DO IT BACK..tell him about the hottie that checked you out and asked you for your number...BUT ALSO TELL HIM THAT YOU TURNED THIS GUY DOWN BECAUSE YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT.. play the game with skill, give back what hes giving you, but do it with class..I think that he will eventually get the point..and yes this may seem like just another game that girls play, but hey..do what you gotta do..who cares?
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