nevets1969 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 The basic question is what are the right things to say to a co-worker who is getting separated/divorced? The details; Due to our work set up myself and this person are often at work alone for a few hours before others arrive. We are not friends outside of work. We are both male, he's 39, I'm 45. He's just found out from his wife that she wants a 6 month trial separation. I feel sorry for him but I don't know the right words to use to tell him that wont make it sound awkward. I am a private person and so is he. His parents both died within the last year and he never shared with me when they died but of course people talk so when I found out I told him I was sorry and that if ever wanted to speak that I was there. He never took me up on that offer and honestly I was glad that he didn't because I would not have known what to say. I take no offense to that at all but I just mentioned it to show how private he is. I only found out about his situation today over lunch when he was talking about renting a house near work. I played along with the "joke" but others told me afterwards that it was actually true. So I can either ignore it and pretend like nothing has happened until (if) he raises it or I can offer my sympathies but if I was to do that I can't find the right words. I guess we are both manly men, we work in an industry where emotions are not something that are shown. The type of thing that would normally be said in this situation is something along the lines of "suck it up". To be honest I don't even really want to offer an ear if he needs it (boy that sounds harsh). I have had no experience in break-ups and would have no advice I could offer. I just wanted to let him know that I feel for him without sounding mushy. I think it would be just as awkward for him hearing something mushy as it would be for me saying it. Any ideas?
eye of the storm Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Sometimes a simple "I heard you are going thru a rough patch, I'm so sorry." is just fine. And just because you have no experience with his issue isn't a big deal. Sometimes people just need to vent. The fact this bothers you shows you do care.
redrock1 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Well, I agree that just letting him know you're there for a listening ear can go a long way. He may or may not take you up on it, but at least you made the effort. And if he does ever end up talking with you, I don't think you need to be ready with the perfect words. Usually, we just want someone to listen and sympathize. If he wants specific advice, maybe encourage him to talk with a counselor? That can go a long way towards helping someone get through a divorce/separation. So, just my two cents!
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