The most pathetic break up

[Marshbear]

I had the same experience as you except my gf just gave up and walked away. I told her I could not continue with our relationship if she continued to act so detached from me. Her response was, "fine. I'll just leave and never speak or talk to you again." And she has been true to her word. If we see each other she will not speak, look at me, acknowledge me in any way. It has taken me awhile to figure out that she was really not even my friend. It has been a revelation and I can see how pathetic she is and I can forget her. I deserved to be respected, loved and so do you. It is his loss so don't beat yourself up over him. Be glad you found him out now rather than later.

 

Find you another man. I am sure you will have many suitors. Be careful and find one that complements you and completes you.

 

Peace...

[CurlyIam]

How long have the 2 of you been dating? We were pretty serious - I sure was. He insisted upon coming to my home country - you know, back in ex communist Eastern Europe and he did . Twice. Actually met my mom and dad.

 

It's so weird, and I know that you can be right, Marshbear. It seems like a really bad movie and I feel like I'm having deja vu's. It doesn't make sense at all. Ok, so the wine I had can't be helping either.

 

 

Well, if I would at least have that - him saying "I will not ever contact you AGAIN". He's not even doing that. And I'm certainly not going to get it from him by contacting him. I'm in the complete state of disbelief, partially thinking "this isn't happening to me" and partially knowing exactly where it's leading: straight into the wall. And if it's silance the game that we're playin', I am a very talented player! I feel this rage inside me, but outside... numbed!! Weird!

 

Curly

 

P.S. I'm really sorry this ever happened to you, this isn't a way of treating anyone! She is just selfish and wants for some reason, to constantly inflict pain on you. My 2 cents, anyway. Mine simply doesn't give a dan to answer, lol

[guest]

Curly wrote "LAter on he sends me a message telling me that he's trapped doing a job that he doesn't enjoy and that he understands what I have decided (break up). I messaged him back that if so, he should stop sending me any messages."

 

He messages you saying that he understands why you wanted to break up, you told him to get lost, and a few posts later you call him a jerk because he isn't trying to change your mind? Does anyone else notice how strange that sounds? He either doesn't feel much need to try, or is respecting your request. You obviously weren't happy in the relationship, but I really don'tunderstand why you should think less ofhim for doing as you've asked. Just doesn't add up.

 

"Im' a high maintainance b*tch." No one should ever say this as if it is admirable.

 

"What type of man just gives up? a coward, that's why! So self possessed he's not even thinking about the other people. This isn't just about a day, HotCaliGirl! He's tired. He isn't up to it. I'm asking for too damn much; I'm actually asking for someone to be inlove with me, to care about me, to want to at least worry for me."

 

Oh, I don't konw curly...What type of man doesn't contact you after you told him not to? Maybe one with respect for your wishes? YOu've gotten yourself into a pretty good indignation party, and maybe its time to turn off the strobes and sweep up the streamers and acknowledge you probably brought this silence on yourself.

[CurlyIam]

Dear guest,

 

I didn't say I'm a high maintainance b**** with admiration. That's what I am.

 

If you're inlove with someone, do you patiantly let that person slip away? do you "respect her wishes"? Or do you fight for her/him? And why? Yes, I did chose to go away. But why? Because he wouldn't want to save our relationship - he had promised we'd go away for the week end and we really really needed it. I mean REALLY. And WHY? because hewants to be working and taking a day off would cost him 100E! Yes, dear guest, apparently the gf of more than a year isn't worth more than 100E.

 

 

I left because this isn't acceptable. But did I have a choice? Not really.

 

I did invite him in my life full heartedly and I even hoped we'd be moving in soon. Like something serious! Like maybe he's the one, type of relaionship?!?

 

Maybe you are right and I don't have the right to have the pitty party. I'm not blind. It really really hurt. And something tells me that's his modus operandi. LEaving me all alone for a couple of days to chill out - nerves etc, and then come back. But I don't think he will. I don't even know if I want him to. But it would be nice, out of respect for our relationship, for him to at least formally be unhappy with my decision. For the love we were suppose to be feeling

[WithOrWithoutYou]

If you were just not feeling the love, you did the right thing ending it. Don't second-guess yourself and question your decision. If he couldn't sacrifice a lousy 100E (that's around $125 US I think) to be with his GF of a year, then he wasn't nearly as into you as he should have been, considering the feelings you had for him. It has to be mutual. You have to be on the same page with your lover. One-sided relationships, where one person gives everything they are, and the other person just doesn't really seem to care, are destructive to the person who is truly in love.

 

You will find someone who feels the same about you as you do about him. It may take time, but you will.

[lindya]

Curly, I was disturbed by your comment about not being able to put make-up on your own character. It sounds as if you fell in love with a fairly weak and lazy individual. Easily done - such people can often be quite good fun, as well as charming and easy to be around. We all need one or two of them in our social circle - as long as we remember not to trust or rely on them over much...or, as you've found out, get into any sort of meaningful relationship with them.

 

It's not pleasant to put your time, energy and emotion into a relationship, only to discover that the other person is completely apathetic about it. What you have to consider is, why has he been plodding along in a relationship he feels so indifferent about? Does he take that same approach to all the different areas in his life? From what you've said about him being unhappy in his job, he does.

 

What your posts say to me is "I work hard for my relationship, and all the other things that are important in my life. I'll fight like a tiger for those things, if necessary. Why can't he?"

 

Well...probably because of the flawed character that will result in him failing in any relationship or career that provides some degree of challenge, and requires energy and initiative on his part. That's abundantly clear from all you've written about him. He doesn't know even what he wants - and he therefore has little prospect of achieving anything meaningful with his life. He doesn't even seem capable of providing you with any sort of life-enhancing relationship. I know you're hurting, but you have made a very sound decision...and once the hurt dies down a bit, you might even realise that you've discovered some very important and positive things about yourself - and the things you most need and want from a relationship.

[CurlyIam]

lindya, you're absolutely right. Never in a million years would I have seen this coming!

 

His sister sent me a text today: "Hi, (my name). I'm thinking about you today and I hope that you are well, Liz." I replied "Thank you, Liz".

 

 

a few hours lates he texted me - I would have been really bad if he didn't have. He said something like "I was trying to have a civil relationship with you, but I see that it's not possible and right now I don't even want to. You're of an incredible agressivity... have a good week end"

 

 

I replied "I understand what you want. You've just confirmed me that our relationship isn't worth of a day of pay to you/100 E. Just leave me alone please".

 

And then I sent another one "I've blocked you on msn and I've erased you from my contacts. I still can't believe of what little value our relationship was to you. Yes, the little (my nationality) just dumped you. Have a little pride and stop contacting me"!

 

 

I feel better now .

[bstill]

Hi,

 

I'm the guest that post previously.

 

You say a lot of very confusing things in these posts, and I am sureyou are upset that the relationship ended, and ended up like this. I imagine that you resent his apathy and resent tht you've had to do this.

 

But you are really not allowing for anything on his end to change. I know you waited a long time already. But it isn;t fair to hold him to an obscure schedule you have in your head. You weren't happy in the relationship, and you ended it, and that is fine. THe thing is, you've made it clear that any emotion and willingness to fight is met with hostility, and what is worse, pity.

 

If you wanted to see some real emotion in him, some real fight, you shouldn't be doing what you are doing. I've fought for several girls, but whensomeone says as clear as you have said to leave me alone, I start to think that at this poiont whatever I want to fight for is only made less likely by fighting for it, and so I leave it. And leaving it is veryhard. Who knows whathe is thinking? Maybe he realizes just how much has gone wrong, and he has hurt you, and so thinks that it might bebest to finally give you wht you asked for after not doing so fo so long.

 

"I was trying to have a civil relationship with you, but I see that it's not possible and right now I don't even want to. You're of an incredible agressivity... have a good week end"

He just told you what he was trying to do. You are ruining whatever chance you might have at seeing a different side of him, if that is what you wanted, and you're teaching him that showing emotion can only bring him pain. Not good. You don'thaveto get back together with him, but you don't have to be so cold to him, either.

 

And to this, which literally says "I was trying," exactly the kind of thing you wanted to hear, you wrote:

"I've blocked you on msn and I've erased you from my contacts. I still can't believe of what little value our relationship was to you. Yes, the little (my nationality) just dumped you. Have a little pride and stop contacting me"!

 

Do you actually want him to fight for you and show emotion, or do you just want the ego boost that would give you? Whatever sense of fight and whatever loss he is feeling right now, you told him it was unwanted, and that you think less of him for it.

[bstill]

Oh, and this too:

 

"I'm playing by the rules here: NC, erasing his old messages, erasing his IM address and blocking him. So h would actually have to do something and he knows it. And he's not. Because the truth, alpha, is that Im' a high maintainance b*tch. I wish I weren't but I am. I demand a hell of alot and I give a hell of a LOT."

 

You dumped him. NC isn't something that makes him want to confess his love. IF that works, it only works whenthe personwho was dumped initiates NC. Trust me, no, doesn't know he might "actually have to do something." It sounds like he is doing something, and you are crucifying him for it. NC isn't something that you, as the dumper, can use to make the guy you dumped profess his love to you.

[CurlyIam]

He just wrote me an email - very long one. Basically, he's not doing it for the money, butapparently he signed a contract with his company about the numbers of days he's to work there. He's got plenty of time, I ain't a fool.

 

In his email he tells me he's willing to take 2 days off for me. A little too late, now, don't you think? The trick is he's got a number of DAYS, those days aren't pre-determined on a schedule. He can chose. He can say - 4 days this week, 6 the next.

 

 

Well, he's doing it right now. When he saw I was dead serious. I'm just sick to my stomach here. I haven't eaten ANYTHING since our conversation on messenger, I barely selpt 3 hours last night torturing myself with questions. He did this on purpose, because he was expecting me to cave in. To give in. And when I didn't, he took no prisioners.

 

 

He left me no choice but to leave him. too bad, 'cause now, after a night of no sleep, I don't think I want him anymore. I don't want to have to beg. I don't want to have to through him out of my life everytime I need him. I needed him, I really needed him yesterday. Never in my entire life has anyone been more ruthless than he has yesterday. Never. this man is supposed to love me. He's supposed to want and try to protect me. He's been feedin' me to the dogs when I dared say "I need you NOW, not tomorrow, not in 5 minutes, I do need you NOW".

 

 

In his email he said he'd fight for me. Well, I'll be the judge of that. Of how bad he wants me back. Of the sacrifices he's willing to make for me. 'cause I sure did make a LOT of mush bigger sacrifices for him when he asked me to. And I was also under very big pressure and I practically put my future on steak for him. But that he forgets. Conveniently.

 

 

Bstill, I hate him for how I feel. For the depth of the wounds he caused me. And now he says he's sorry, let's kiss and make up. Not possible. No way. I want to see him hurt. I want to see him doing more than ust sending a bloody email, no matter how sweet that email is. I want FACTS and I want to see him in just as much pain as I am. Because he created this. Now he can have it. I refuse to be part of it in the slightiest, remotest way!

 

 

His masterpiece!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

He left me no choice but to leave him. too bad, 'cause now, after a night of no sleep, I don't think I want him anymore.

you two will be back together within 24 to 48 hrs. almost guaranteed!

 

and I practically put my future on steak for him

was that a filet mignon or a NY strip?

[theone44]

Can anyone tell me why do some women alway's complaining about the men who mistreat,abuse them,and trying to get back with them. I'm beginning to smell bullsh*****t here.

 

 

 

 

"You might be bad and mean as hell,but remember there is alway's someone bader and meaner then you are" The wise-man speak again...

[westernxer]

Was it ever a relationship or simply a clash of wills?

 

I'm leaning toward the latter.

[westernxer]

Run, Forrest. Run.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by alphamale

you two will be back together within 24 to 48 hrs. almost guaranteed!

 

 

was that a filet mignon or a NY strip?

 

I hate you, alpha! I really do . I hope you fall

 

Fish! French people eat fish. And when you'll speak a foreign language as well as I speak English, I'll even allow you to make fun of my mistakes!

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by theone44

Can anyone tell me why do some women alway's complaining about the men who mistreat,abuse them,and trying to get back with them. I'm beginning to smell bullsh*****t here.

 

 

 

 

"You might be bad and mean as hell,but remember there is alway's someone bader and meaner then you are" The wise-man speak again...

[CurlyIam]

West, I've been swimming all afternoon. Thinking. I just really need time off here. He told me some horrible things at a really bad time... so I don't know, maybe biting his head off isn't the greatest of ideas.

 

 

I'll see what happens next. But you are right. If I only want it my way, than I'm not any better than him.

[westernxer]

It's obvious that both of you want different things from your relationship. That's something you'll have to talk about tete a tete, not via e-mail, cell phone, or instant messenger.

[CurlyIam]

Thanks, west. That is a good advice. You've been a good friend. Thank you.

[meanon]

Curly! I'm trying to keep up with you on 3 forums and email. Slow down, girl

If I only want it my way, than I'm not any better than him

I disagree. You do want it your way but you are also light years better than him. He knows it and he can't handle it. He's not the man for you Curly, let him go.

[BrotherAaron]

You want it your way, curly, and you should get it your way. If he can't give you what you need to stay happy - especially something as simple as setting aside time for you - then he's inadequate to meet your needs. Talk to him, but don't stick yourself in a relationship that isn't going to make you happy. It seems like there was a lot of conflict already, especially your comments about him being afraid of you, or not caring enough. Remember, you've got to look out for your needs here, not his. It's great to make him work for you - you know you're worth enough that he should put some effort into being with you. If the effort isn't worth it for him, then you were worth more than he was willing to give.

[CurlyIam]

After a long talk, one glass of Chablis too many and another long conversation over IM, I've just discovered something about my relationship: I'm in charge. I'm suffering because he's not taking the lead. This time, apparently it's not him the one running it.

 

It's such a twisted thing, I've been born in an Eastern european society where the men are supposed to lead, only to come to Western Europe and discover that women are in charge. Lol, too funny! Gosh, that's soooo ironic. He's not giving me what I need because I need to go there and take it. That's almost hilarious! I need time to get used to this idea!

[BrotherAaron]

Haha, you're in charge alright. I could have told you that - in fact, I meant to - when you said "He wont call me... he's afraid of me!" or something to that effect. You knew.

[CurlyIam]

Aaron, my ex bf told me that if I werea man, I would have been perhaps one of the most mysonginists men ever. Didn't quite get what he meant, but I do confess that his words haunted me.

 

I believe that this a problem of people of my generation. They're too scared to lead. Well, at least that takes me out of the unsecurity zone, LOL!

 

 

 

Guess who got a FOUR days weekend next week end? LOL, OMG, it's too funny! Well, then nobody wearing the pants in the family, it's best that one might do it, even if it's the woman . Hello, future, here I come!

[tokyo]

I know that everybody told you you could find someone better, but I'm inclined to agree with bstill's opinion.

 

Originally posted by CurlyIam

a few hours lates he texted me - I would have been really bad if he didn't have. He said something like "I was trying to have a civil relationship with you, but I see that it's not possible and right now I don't even want to. You're of an incredible agressivity... have a good week end"

I wasn't in such a long relationship as you were, but I see some parallels. I thought he should have fought harder, but like in your case he also just did what he shouldn't have done - he respected my wishes that told him to get lost. I think you're a nice person, but I think I would also find it a bit difficult to live with you. You're strong and you're putting up a hard front that for most people seem to be inpenetrable. Maybe he should know how much you care for him and maybe he should realize that all you want is him to show his love as much as you do, but what if he doesn't understand that your anger stems from your hurt and the feeling of not being loved enough. Is he the kind of person who will get angry when his feelings get hurt?

 

I remember someone else telling me I possessed this incredible aggressivity, that I pushed for answers and didn't really give people space to take their own decisions.

 

My mom once said that when I was a kid and was crying she was afraid of comforting me, because I pushed people away. I had wished she would have tried harded, because I wanted someone there to comfort me, I guess, the only things was she would have to overcome this barrier. She didn't understand it, so I was hurt, crying and felt even more alone, because nobody wanted to comfort me.

 

It made me think how other people may perceive me.

 

We both may be of the kind who will fight for things, but other people are not like this and they are not good with dealing with rejection or hurt. Your boyfriend tried to make peace with you, but your first reaction was to lash out. If this has happened a couple of times already, he will avoid getting closer to you when you are hurt and angry, because even if he had had the best intentions, the first thing that happens is that you push him away, he tried to do something nice for you and you pushed him away. Does he have to get past your frontier first to show you that he's really worth it? Do you think that his love for you is equivalent to the amount of anger that he has to overcome to get close to you? What if he considered your reaction and anger at him to be an overreaction? What if he had prefered to talk with you about it?

 

I know someone else who is like this. I hurt his feelings for whatever reason and I try to be nice to make up for it, but he will give me a nasty answer. It's something that really wears me out.