SoFrustrated Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Hey everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this. I (29) have been dating my partner (32) for almost one year. We are very different people. He is very extroverted, logical, he has heaps of hobbies, he's very intellectual and has lots of friends. He is also selfish, has anger issues, is friends with his ex wife and can never admit his faults. We really are opposites with mismatched libidos. I have had depression on and off for years. I am currently trying to eat better, exercise and just be happy in general. We argue over the same three things - 1. Mismatched libidos (I want sex more frequently). He is happy to have sex twice per week. I feel starved. When we do do it, it's mainly me doing all the work - me on top, me giving him he*d... To give you an idea, here's a text convo that we had this afternoon. Me - mmm would be nice to touch you. Him - would it? I didn't even bother replying back. An hour later he texted me asking how my day was. I wrote 'I'm horny and it's frustrating haha'. He replied 'awesome'. Ffs. It's almost like he has absolutely NO interest. I hardly message him sexual messages like that. I guess I was testing him. He failed. 2. Our differences. Even though we love each other, I feel that we don't really accept each other's differences. I enjoy going out and having a drink occasionally. He drinks every single weekend and gets very angry/bored if we stay home on a Friday night. Sunday consists of him being hungover most of the time. He will also go out and play soccer or have a surf. He plays sport 3x per week. He tells me that I NEED hobbies. He has heaps that he participates in daily. I do have hobbies - they just don't involve me getting drunk every weekend. He says that he likes to 'live life' and that I am boring. 3. His need for space. How much freakin more space can he honestly need?! I spend one night a week at my parents home. He plays his sports during the week and works long hours (doesn't get home to his place till at least 6pm). We were meant to move in together (officially) last weekend. We were arguing a lot leading up to it and he told me he didn't want me moving in yet. That really upset me. When (and if I do) move in, we will still argue over things! He won't be getting this much space if we have kids - then what?! I told him that he needs to show me that he will be the dad that I want my kids to have. He said he will, but won't show it till then. Please help me. I'm so tired of arguing over the same bs 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 What exactly are you holding on for? He sounds like a jerk who's not all that into you. Do not move in with him, for Pete's sake. 2
Knight23 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 What exactly are you holding on for? He sounds like a jerk who's not all that into you. Do not move in with him, for Pete's sake. This right here. I can understand the whole 'opposites attract' thing, but you have to factor in the level of attraction and certain other aspects in the relationship in order to see if it will work in the long run. This dude just doesn't sound like he's worth the time and effort you've already invested into the partnership. Regardless of how you still feel for him, you may want to reconsider. Certainly sounds like you deserve better. 1
Author SoFrustrated Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 Thanks for the replies. Out of everything that I wrote, what makes you think that he is a jerk? 1
kassy Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Pretty much all of it makes him a jerk... Seriously do yourself a favor and move on... Wow... What do you feel you get out of this that makes you even consider staying with him ? 1
Gaeta Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Just the sex incompatibility and the way he dismisses it is sufficient to end this relationship. No sex compatibility = no viable relationship. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I'm not going to say he's a jerk but he's not a good match for you. Your SO is suppose to enhance your life, not leave you frustrated & angry. There are too many fundamental core values in here that don't mess & guarantee long term disagreements rather then harmony Since you are not getting your needs met through this relationship, what will it take until you decide to make some positive changes in your life? 5
Satu Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 There is a fundamental incompatibility here on a number of issues... He also seems too selfish and inflexible to make a good husband or father. I'd just move on and find someone more suitable. 2
Versacehottie Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I'm not going to say he's a jerk but he's not a good match for you. Your SO is suppose to enhance your life, not leave you frustrated & angry. There are too many fundamental core values in here that don't mess & guarantee long term disagreements rather then harmony Since you are not getting your needs met through this relationship, what will it take until you decide to make some positive changes in your life? From what you said, you both seem mismatched. So yes I think you are wasting time. You could be much happier with someone that fits with you better. Good luck
Redhead14 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Hey everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this. I (29) have been dating my partner (32) for almost one year. We are very different people. He is very extroverted, logical, he has heaps of hobbies, he's very intellectual and has lots of friends. He is also selfish, has anger issues, is friends with his ex wife and can never admit his faults. We really are opposites with mismatched libidos. I have had depression on and off for years. I am currently trying to eat better, exercise and just be happy in general. We argue over the same three things - 1. Mismatched libidos (I want sex more frequently). He is happy to have sex twice per week. I feel starved. When we do do it, it's mainly me doing all the work - me on top, me giving him he*d... To give you an idea, here's a text convo that we had this afternoon. Me - mmm would be nice to touch you. Him - would it? I didn't even bother replying back. An hour later he texted me asking how my day was. I wrote 'I'm horny and it's frustrating haha'. He replied 'awesome'. Ffs. It's almost like he has absolutely NO interest. I hardly message him sexual messages like that. I guess I was testing him. He failed. 2. Our differences. Even though we love each other, I feel that we don't really accept each other's differences. I enjoy going out and having a drink occasionally. He drinks every single weekend and gets very angry/bored if we stay home on a Friday night. Sunday consists of him being hungover most of the time. He will also go out and play soccer or have a surf. He plays sport 3x per week. He tells me that I NEED hobbies. He has heaps that he participates in daily. I do have hobbies - they just don't involve me getting drunk every weekend. He says that he likes to 'live life' and that I am boring. 3. His need for space. How much freakin more space can he honestly need?! I spend one night a week at my parents home. He plays his sports during the week and works long hours (doesn't get home to his place till at least 6pm). We were meant to move in together (officially) last weekend. We were arguing a lot leading up to it and he told me he didn't want me moving in yet. That really upset me. When (and if I do) move in, we will still argue over things! He won't be getting this much space if we have kids - then what?! I told him that he needs to show me that he will be the dad that I want my kids to have. He said he will, but won't show it till then. Please help me. I'm so tired of arguing over the same bs Even though we love each other, I feel that we don't really accept each other's differences -- Accepting each others differences is one thing, meeting each others needs is another. And, making each other a priority is another aspect. He isn't doing any of those things. I'm so tired of arguing over the same bs -- There's no need for argument. You simply express what your needs are, observe whether or not he attempts to meet them over a period of time. If that doesn't happen, you move on. Plain and simple. Arguing is about trying to control him. Let him do what he wants to do and see whether that works for you or not. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 And as far as viewing this experience as a waste of time . . . never leave a relationship with that attitude. View it as a learning experience. Take away something positive any time you leave a relationship. You now clearly understand what your needs are for a relationship and what to look for in and from a man that will foster the potential for a relationship to develop in new dating scenarios in the future.
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