Maharishi Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I gave up alcohol completely about 8 months ago. It's one of the best choices I've ever made -- I feel fantastic physically and much stronger mentally as well. The guy I am seeing initially asked me about alcohol and when I said I don't drink he didn't make a big deal of it. But lately he keeps on and on trying to coax me into having a drink. He keeps asking me what wines and cocktails I used to drink. He actually said, "well let's hope we can get you drinking again." He brings it up whenever we see each other. Why is alcohol seemingly so important to him?
cessna Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Where is he from? You have to remember alcohol plays a big role in certain cultures. I don't know a single person who doesn't drink regularly so not drinking for me would be unusual.
Author Maharishi Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Where is he from? He is from the UK
Gus Grimly Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 He brings it up whenever we see each other. Why is alcohol seemingly so important to him? Alcohol reduces inhibitions which lead to an increase in sexual behavior.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I'm 8 months sober as well. It's important to me. This guy is not the one for you. The right partner respects your life choices and doesn't "peer pressure" you. 6
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 If you want my honest opinion, He probably feels uncomfortable with your being sober, while he's happy drinking. Also, it's common for those who drink - and feel that being sober is an alien concept - to try to get you to drink. I hate to say it, but no matter what his age, it's 'laddish' behaviour. I don't know if you're British, but I'm in the UK, and sadly I've seen this happen, and had it happen to me, in the dim and distant past. I also don't drink. He will persist. And consider it a personal triumph if he can get you to drink. In your shoes? I'd distance myself..... 1
ScienceGal Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It's part of his lifestyle. Maybe he genuinely enjoys doing it and wants someone who will join in. I couldn't date someone who is sedentary because I want someone to be active with. If someone told me they used to run or hike, I'd want them to start doing it again because it would be fun. Or, he doesn't want to feel guilty all the time being the only one who gets drunk.
Author Maharishi Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 It's part of his lifestyle. Maybe he genuinely enjoys doing it and wants someone who will join in. I couldn't date someone who is sedentary because I want someone to be active with. If someone told me they used to run or hike, I'd want them to start doing it again because it would be fun. Or, he doesn't want to feel guilty all the time being the only one who gets drunk. But drinking alcohol is not necessarily a positive is it? Especially when the person has no desire to drink at all. I think he probably drinks a lot and wants someone who does the same 1
Tobin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Get angry the next time he mentions it. You're feeling angry, aren't you? Let him know you're tired of his badgering you, and that you'll never, ever have a drink as long as you live and if he continues to bother you about it, you will conclude that he has no regard for personal boundaries and no respect for your wishes and you'll be rethinking staying in the relationship. 1
carhill Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Why is alcohol seemingly so important to him? Loosens inhibitions. 1
ScienceGal Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 But drinking alcohol is not necessarily a positive is it? Especially when the person has no desire to drink at all. I think he probably drinks a lot and wants someone who does the same Sorry, no.. it's not positive. My example was horrible (having a hard day). You are correct. He wants someone who will drink with him. I fell into drinking heavily in a past relationship and it was bad. I wouldn't date someone like that again. Or a smoker. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 But drinking alcohol is not necessarily a positive is it? Especially when the person has no desire to drink at all. Drinking alcohol - and this is purely my personal opinion - has very little to recommend it at all, if you discount the usual "a glass of red wine is good for you" argument... plenty of other things are of equal benefit, so in my view, while 'a glass of wine is good for you' may be true, it's not an exclusive benefit.... I think he probably drinks a lot and wants someone who does the same... and if you don't want to drink, then you don't want the same thing. Ergo, there's already a social incompatibility. If you were united on every other front, then this could be overcome. However, i doubt that, somehow.... 1
lana-banana Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 This has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with him disrespecting your choices. Any guy who thinks he knows your own body, mind and desires better than you is not someone you want to date. 4
newmoon Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 it doesn't really matter why he drinks and it doesn't make an iota of difference if it's cultural. it's about respecting your boundaries and what you will/won't do. a respectful partner will go out of their way to make sure that alcohol is something you don't get near by avoiding it altogether in your company. it's like someone who is trying to lose weight and the partner brings home a three-layer cake every night. not a supportive partner and not the right person for you. especially at only 8 months sober. 5
No_Go Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I think it is very disrespectful of him - as newmoon said, it is like constantly talking about cakes to someone trying to lose weight. I do not drink. The reason is I've seen the effects on a family member, but this is a discussion that I'd not necessarily have with distant friends let alone dates. I dated a drinker - he was upset that I don't like him getting drunk, but all in all -ok with my choice. Then I dated an alcoholic - my non-drinking was a real pain for him, he actually said "I couldn't stand you around me when I was drinking". My BF now likes to drink but *respects* my choice not to, so when we're out, we're both ok with him having a drink and me- not, it is just a matter of choice. I gave up alcohol completely about 8 months ago. It's one of the best choices I've ever made -- I feel fantastic physically and much stronger mentally as well. The guy I am seeing initially asked me about alcohol and when I said I don't drink he didn't make a big deal of it. But lately he keeps on and on trying to coax me into having a drink. He keeps asking me what wines and cocktails I used to drink. He actually said, "well let's hope we can get you drinking again." He brings it up whenever we see each other. Why is alcohol seemingly so important to him? 1
xcupid Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I think he probably drinks a lot and wants someone who does the same You're probably right. Sounds like he's immature if he can't respect and accept the fact that you don't drink. I'd say NEXT.
kassy Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I don't drink anymore because I don't really enjoy it and the hangovers are disproportionately bad. I maybe drink a few glasses 3-4 times a year now, usually really randomly not for big celebrations or anything. I always tell people before I date them I don't drink, and most really can't handle it. They think they can, but drinking is a part of their lives they want to share with their partner. I don't take it personally but it lets me know we aren't compatible. Just end the relationship and find someone who is genuinely ok with it. There are plenty of people who are. I personally think my sex life has been improved by not drinking as I'm much less inhibited when I know both people are really present and it isn't just the booze talking. I would hate to be with someone who could only let go and do what he really wants without a few drinks first. 2
Vercetti Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 No, just no...misery loves company. Someone that cared and really wanted to be with you, would support you. Or If still drinking maybe think about slowing down or stopping themself. This guy is basically a childish fool daring someone to act stupid as he does. Zero consideration for you or what could become of you.
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