Author poly0329 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 just be careful about diseases though. specially from sexual with men who are in men to men relationships. a lot of my young friends ended that way. they had a lot ahead of them. sad really. poly is alright with me, but there has to be still boundaries. Thank you! That is definitely one thing we have talked about, and set up more boundaries for. If there is any one thing I've learned about all this is that you have to be clear with your partner(s) about what is expected from the relationships. I know it sounds crazy, but I mean in life there are rules everywhere, so why not have them here too. trust me, I'm still trying to get used to all this myself, and we have both said if we are not happy, then we will leave. I just don't think I'm at that "unhappy" point yet. Am I happy, no, but am I unhappy, no I'm not unhappy either.
jen1447 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 type 2 diabetes is what we know... the rest we have no clue, he has shoulder issues, and pain just radiates throughout his body... there are times where it hurts for me to touch him, hug him, which is hard, because all I want to do is cuddle him to make him feel better, but it doesn't. the few times I do it anyways, I can just feel his body pulsing, and twitching, and like stuff is jsut going on in there all the time. We don't know what's causing this, no dr seems to be able to help, and he's on so many pills he hates it, especially since they aren't even helping. The stress... its all just causing the diabetes to be worse. Its just frustrating for both me and him, and I try not to show it, because I know that doesn'thelp, but at the same time I feel like my seeming "unhappy" to him is just a reflection of himself through me, because I'm just so tired of trying, but I refuse to give up... Ok wow, that's quite a long list of issues. I'd say it's no stretch to assume they're affecting his outlook. Re his BF going away, I'd try to give him a little time to adjust to that. Anytime there's a change in family or social dynamics, it can have an effect. (Even happens with pets, so romantic partners could def be a challenge!)
Author poly0329 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 Ok wow, that's quite a long list of issues. I'd say it's no stretch to assume they're affecting his outlook. Re his BF going away, I'd try to give him a little time to adjust to that. Anytime there's a change in family or social dynamics, it can have an effect. (Even happens with pets, so romantic partners could def be a challenge!) It really is a long list. I wish that the dr's would just find some answers already!! I'm even frustrated, but I know that doesn't help him It's been about 3 weeks now... and I understand that it can be hard. I just keep telling him I am here, and we do talk. I tell him how I feel so alone right now, and that I feel like he's pushing me away. Which I know doesn't help either. But I can't not say how I feel. Should I just stop saying that? I don't want to just stop trying... because I'm afraid he'll think I'm giving up too.... that's where I dn't know what to do....
jen1447 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 It really is a long list. I wish that the dr's would just find some answers already!! I'm even frustrated, but I know that doesn't help him It's been about 3 weeks now... and I understand that it can be hard. I just keep telling him I am here, and we do talk. I tell him how I feel so alone right now, and that I feel like he's pushing me away. Which I know doesn't help either. But I can't not say how I feel. Should I just stop saying that? I don't want to just stop trying... because I'm afraid he'll think I'm giving up too.... that's where I dn't know what to do.... I wouldn't stop communicating honestly, no, but I'm sure you know the diff between good communication and nagging. Generally being there for someone is shown more than said anyway. I guess if it got really prolonged I'd bring up my concerns in a diplomatic (but insistent) way - essentially say that the situation's become toxic for you and you need it to change (and how you'll work on it together, etc.). If he still doesn't respond, start seriously contemplating your options.
sandylee1 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Sounds like your fiancé wants to be with a man and have a conventional family. To have that he needs a woman and that's were you come in. He's sad because his real love is away right now. If you didn't see the emails, you'd be non the wiser. How many people know he's into men? Do his family know? Other friends? Or is that the hidden part of his life and he's using you as a cover. You're basically accepting an open relationship......but what's in it for you? Could you be with another man if you wanted to? A lot of men do this to have kids, then you get dumped because they are really gay and only get married to have kids and pro create to keep their DNA going. Just remember.....he never would have told you. Basically he was cheating on you and you can't compete because you're the wrong gender. None of this is said to hurt you, it's just what I've seen from experience.
Author poly0329 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 Sounds like your fiancé wants to be with a man and have a conventional family. To have that he needs a woman and that's were you come in. He's sad because his real love is away right now. If you didn't see the emails, you'd be non the wiser. He does want a conventional family, with a woman. He has urges to also physically want to be with a man (he will 100% agrees he is bisexual). Yes he is sad because a man he loves is gone. How many people know he's into men? Do his family know? Other friends? Or is that the hidden part of his life and he's using you as a cover. My fiance, his man, and myself are the only ones that know. He is a private person to begin with, and he is not going to go air his private life to everyone that will listen. You're basically accepting an open relationship......but what's in it for you? Could you be with another man if you wanted to? If I wanted to, yes I could, but that is not something that I want. A lot of men do this to have kids, then you get dumped because they are really gay and only get married to have kids and pro create to keep their DNA going. Just remember.....he never would have told you. Basically he was cheating on you and you can't compete because you're the wrong gender. When I confronted him about how he has been cheating on me, he cried. He never thought of it that way, he compartmentalized our life and their life. I know I can't compete, which is why if these are urges he's having, I'm going to let him. How does a wife compete with fantasies? Sometimes they let their husbands have that fantasy. Is it ideal and what I thought my life would be like, no, but I can't say that at the end of the day I am not trying. None of this is said to hurt you, it's just what I've seen from experience. And I thank you very much for that! That's what I'm looking for here. Not to be bashed, or have people be rude to me about my life choices. I just need someone to talk to, because I can't just go telling my friends around here. This is something we agreed no one would know about in our lives. It's what we chose to do, and we don't need judgement about it. I just don't know what to do now, when I feel like he's pushing me away. I don't want to leave him alone, and think I don't want to be with him, when he knows I do. Thank you so so so much for your advice, I promise I really do take it to heart.!
Author poly0329 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 I wouldn't stop communicating honestly, no, but I'm sure you know the diff between good communication and nagging. Generally being there for someone is shown more than said anyway. I guess if it got really prolonged I'd bring up my concerns in a diplomatic (but insistent) way - essentially say that the situation's become toxic for you and you need it to change (and how you'll work on it together, etc.). If he still doesn't respond, start seriously contemplating your options. I definitely hope I am not nagging. my problem is is that I am just not patient at times. he says to wait until this dr appt, or wait until that... he hardly even touches me anymore. I mean, I know it hurts him to do that, but at least before he woudl put his hand on my leg while we were driving, or lay his hand on top of mine in bed. I know he's upset, and I know he's having a hard time, and he just tells me he doesn't know what to do/ say anymore right now. I wish he would go see a therapist or someone....take anti depression meds... something to help him control all this anxiety and stress and pain :'( it breaks my heart to see him like this....
Author poly0329 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 I hate having to wait.....I'm seriously starting to lose it....and I don't want to lose him....I wish I just had answers to my questions....
Downtown Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 He has depression and anxiety.... type 2 diabetes is what we know... the rest we have no clue, he has shoulder issues, and pain just radiates throughout his body... there are times where it hurts for me to touch him, hug him.Poly, I suggest he ask his doctor about fibromyalgia, a chronic condition characterized by fatigue and widespread pain in muscles and joints. It makes people oversensitive to touch. With regard to his depression and anxiety, these two symptoms are often associated with fibromyalgia. See, e.g., Fibromyalgia, Depression and Anxiety. With regard to his type 2 diabetes, it also is known to be strongly associated with fibro. A 2003 study found that 15 to 18% of diabetic patients also have fibromyalgia. Although the connection was stronger in those individuals having type 1 diabetes than for those having type 2 diabetes, the association was still quite high in those with type 2. See Is There a Connection between Fibromyalgia and Diabetes. Also see Fibromyalgia and Diabetes. Finally, I note that there is no "test" for fibromyalgia so it must be diagnosed solely on the symptoms being observed. Yet, because the symptoms of widespread pain and oversensitivity to touch are seen in a number of illnesses, doctors typically diagnose fibro through a process of elimination, i.e., ruling out the other likely causes that can be tested for.
katiegrl Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I wonder if YOU had been the one to go away, if he would have fallen into a depression? He sounds literally heart-sick over this guy leaving, and misses him to the point of not being able to function.... hence his depression. FWIW, Gloria's posts are right on the money IMO. This is not poly, your boyfriend is gay... He is conflicted probably due to societal pressures, pressure from family accepting the homosexual lifestyle... etc. I am sure he loves you, but not the same way he loves his boyfriend. How is your sex life with him BTW? I realize this is hard to accept ....so I expect you will stay in denial for a while, but as an objective observer, this is what it sounds like to me ( and others too apparently)...
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