BrotherAaron Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Lately, I've seen a few threads about the worst ways to be dumped. It's pretty obvious that getting dumped is usually very painful to people, and there are various factors that add to that such as being cheated on, being lied to, the ex seeing someone new soon after the breakup, finding out that the ex wanted to break up for a long time, having a friend hook up with the ex, etc. It's easy to find reasons that a breakup is painful. So what, then, is the least painful way for someone in a long-term and loving relationship to end it after months or years of dating, engagement, etc? How can somebody end it in a way that doesn't leave the other person feeling betrayed, abandoned, or disrespected?
dgiirl Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 for me to be doing the dumping lol If it's a long term relationship, I think communication is key. Make sure both sides knows what's going on well in advance and has a chance to fix things. My ex just left. And that is a killer. If you're married, or living together for a long time, if something bothers you, say something. My friend is in a relationship, and since she's heard of my problems, she's seeing similarities in her relationship. She's communicating with her bf, and they're working on it. She's been up front that if things continue going as they are, she'll want out. He's sad, but he understands. If it's a mutual understanding, then i think it's easier.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron How can somebody end it in a way that doesn't leave the other person feeling betrayed, abandoned, or disrespected? From BROTHER ALPHA to BROTHER AARON....there is no easy and painless way to reject and then leave someone. It all hurts, some a bit more than others.
greenhorn Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron How can somebody end it in a way that doesn't leave the other person feeling betrayed, abandoned, or disrespected? The answers lie in this sentence, when the other person honestly dumps you then it is less painful. Cheating can always be done away with if the other person comes up and says that look I want to go with that person. Atleast you are not cheated and betrayed. An honest enemy is more respected than a cheat 'SO'
NTB Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 From BROTHER ALPHA to BROTHER AARON....there is no easy and painless way to reject and then leave someone. It all hurts, some a bit more than others. like brother alpha said it is all painful just some more than others but painful
Merin Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale From BROTHER ALPHA to BROTHER AARON....there is no easy and painless way to reject and then leave someone. It all hurts, some a bit more than others. True...
scarlyjones Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 lol.............I suppose if you I were already cheating on him or something and HE just breaks up with me for OTHER reasons. Like if he still didnt know about the cheating and broke up with me for something else. But Im NOT,...nor have I ever done this. So,...i dunno. Thats a tuffy.
Author BrotherAaron Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale From BROTHER ALPHA to BROTHER AARON....there is no easy and painless way to reject and then leave someone. It all hurts, some a bit more than others. Well, BROTHER ALPHA should be well versed in the dumping, since you're always the one to do it But what is the best way to go about? I mean, some hurt more than others, but which ones hurt the least? I think it's important to communicate the doubts when they come up. For example, things between my ex and I would be a lot different if she had said "I'm bored with the relationship because I don't get enough attention" or "I'm surrounded by single girls and I'm really envious of their freedom" etc, instead of "I made out with your friend"
outdated Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron Well, BROTHER ALPHA should be well versed in the dumping, since you're always the one to do it But what is the best way to go about? I mean, some hurt more than others, but which ones hurt the least? I think it's important to communicate the doubts when they come up. For example, things between my ex and I would be a lot different if she had said "I'm bored with the relationship because I don't get enough attention" or "I'm surrounded by single girls and I'm really envious of their freedom" etc, instead of "I made out with your friend" Definitely communication DURING the relationship is what will ease the pain of a breakup. My ex and I had a great love for each other but apparently didn't communicate very well together. As I reflect I realize that there were times when she was hinting around her feelings but I'm not Sherlock f***ing Holmes. LADIES: SAY WHAT YOU MEAN OR MEN WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND AND YOU WILL CONSTANTLY BE FRUSTRATED BY NON COMMUNICATIVE MEN. NO HINTING. SAY IT! Then if you try to work through the problems and still no resolve can be made then what the hell, you both tried. But dropping someone off a cliff all of a sudden is not the way to do it. That just says spineless unless you never cared about the person at all, and then it just says f*** you, get out!
BigB Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron So what, then, is the least painful way for someone in a long-term and loving relationship to end it after months or years of dating, engagement, etc? How can somebody end it in a way that doesn't leave the other person feeling betrayed, abandoned, or disrespected? pre-breakup mercy sex always helps.
alphamale Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron Well, BROTHER ALPHA should be well versed in the dumping, since you're always the one to do it this is true BROTHER AARON. I have only been dumped a few times so I am little qualified to tell u what is easiet way to be dumped. But....on other hand. BROTHER ALPHA can tell BROTHER AARON what is easiet way to dump a woman. You just stop calling her and totally blow her off. Most of them get the msg quite fast, after a few wks.
Fallen_Angel Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I guess I can say I got the "respectful" breakup. We spent the night together talking, holding each other, crying, kissing, etal. And we had sex before we fell asleep, partly because I had brought really cute pjs, partly because we were all over each other at that point anyway, partly because I had wanted to forget the past several hours... And he said he wanted to be friends and "help me through this." You know what, though? I still feel abandoned. I loved him with every fiber of my being, and apparently he didn't love me enough, or he doubted his feelings for me, whatever. I'm glad he wasn't a jerk about it, but it still hurts a lot.
notmakingsense Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I think I'm getting a disrespectful breakup. I wrote her a note explaining my frustrations with our relationship.... her response? No contact. I pestered enough with voice-mails that she called back and said she needed time to "process" my notes.... Then, NC again. Its been about 4 days. I'm thinking this is a breakup without the balls enough to tell me so. I'm trying real hard not to call her and ask her for explanations. The NC alone should be explanation enough, right?
dibdab Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 A break up will always hurt, but the best way is to sit down and talk about it.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 The only truly decent breakup is a mutal breakup. Occasionally, two people realize it is just not going to work as a loving relationship, and you are just too different. If both people truly feel that way, to the point you can almost laugh about it and say "you know, we really should have stayed just friends", you *can* actually be friends or even FWB (one of the few times you can be friends with an ex). But seriously, there is no such thing as a good unilateral breakup. What makes it less painful is when the person doing the dumping, is just totally honest with the other person. It also greatly helps when there has been no cheating, when there isn't someone else waiting in the wings, and when it is done face to face, with an honest talk until the person being dumped doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Goodbye sex is optional I guess. I never liked it, and in fact, the last time it was offered to me when I could tell she was leaving me for good but wouldn't say so, I turned it down. I think maybe I kept a little more self-respect and felt slightly less used that way since at that point I knew she was not being honest with me, but who knows. Do your best to help your soon-to-be-ex understand, explain your reasons, and make clear that you think they are a great person, but that there are reasons the two of you could just never work out. It will still suck, but the betrayal will not be there, at least not as much as if you were dishonest and didn't provide any closure, or if you were just running off to be with someone else.
lindya Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale this is true BROTHER AARON. I have only been dumped a few times so I am little qualified to tell u what is easiet way to be dumped. But....on other hand. BROTHER ALPHA can tell BROTHER AARON what is easiet way to dump a woman. You just stop calling her and totally blow her off. Most of them get the msg quite fast, after a few wks. It might be the easiest way, and I suspect most people here have done that at some point when the dumpee is someone you've just had a few dates with. After all, at that stage it's not a relationship as such..more like flirtatious socialising with someone you may or may not want to see more of in the future. When it comes to ending a long term intimate relationship, simply stopping contact is obviously cowardly. It also requires the dumper to successfully dehumanise the dumpee in order to avoid future bouts of guilt and self-loathing. Probably not as easy as it sounds.
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale this is true BROTHER AARON. I have only been dumped a few times so I am little qualified to tell u what is easiet way to be dumped. But....on other hand. BROTHER ALPHA can tell BROTHER AARON what is easiet way to dump a woman. You just stop calling her and totally blow her off. Most of them get the msg quite fast, after a few wks. Yeah and for that reason ALPHA is why us women NEED ..... CLOSURE.... Break up with somebody, fine, but atleast say goodbye. It's called respect. Running off and ignoring is such a p*ssy way of dealing with it.
alphamale Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup ... Break up with somebody, fine, but atleast say goodbye. screw that! I'll usually pull this move off after dating someone for 3 month or less. Usually there is some type of altercation or disagreement and I am not too happy with her to begin with so I just up and split and never see or call her again. you have to understand (and i don't know why this) that women tend to get attached to me very quickly and this is sorta my self-preservation move.
catnip Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Yeah and for that reason ALPHA is why us women NEED ..... CLOSURE.... Break up with somebody, fine, but atleast say goodbye. It's called respect. Running off and ignoring is such a p*ssy way of dealing with it. Oh geez...I have developed such an aversion to the word 'closure' - every since my ex dumped me, saying "well yes, it's true, I've been seeing someone else for a while now, and I've fallen in love with her - so there, now you have your closure". That was NOT closure, it was the ultimate kick in the face. F*ck 'closure'....it's rarely given to you...and after you've finally accepted what has happened to you, then the only way to create 'closure' is in your OWN mind.
alphamale Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by catnip F*ck 'closure'....it's rarely given to you...and after you've finally accepted what has happened to you, then the only way to create 'closure' is in your OWN mind. agreed CATNIP. Closure is waaaay over-rated. There is only one real closure and that is DEATH!!
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale screw that! I'll usually pull this move off after dating someone for 3 month or less. Usually there is some type of altercation or disagreement and I am not too happy with her to begin with so I just up and split and never see or call her again. you have to understand (and i don't know why this) that women tend to get attached to me very quickly and this is sorta my self-preservation move. Yeah cuz you F*CK them ALPHA....You know this too - (most) WOMEN get emotionally attached very quickly, and even if you say, don't get too attached cuz this isn't going anywhere, IT won't make a difference. You should make a rule - Screwing is fine, but NO kissing. It's the kissing intimacy part of during sex that pushes the attachement feeling along... Originally posted by catnip Oh geez...I have developed such an aversion to the word 'closure' - every since my ex dumped me, saying "well yes, it's true, I've been seeing someone else for a while now, and I've fallen in love with her - so there, now you have your closure". That was NOT closure, it was the ultimate kick in the face. F*ck 'closure'....it's rarely given to you...and after you've finally accepted what has happened to you, then the only way to create 'closure' is in your OWN mind. I know closure comes within. But just walking away from someone with NO explanation is just a s***ty thing to do. I'd rather have the kick in the face - HONEST and a reality check than not really know 100% wtf happened.
alphamale Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Screwing is fine, but NO kissing. wtf...am i a gigolo now . only people who sell sex for money do that! WWIU, my philospophy is that until the couple has had the "talk" that either party is able to do what ever the f*** they want. Once you both sit down and AGREE to be a couple then the stakes are highter. But up until that point....anything goes. And I am within my god-given rights to just up and split if i want to before we have "the talk" alpha.
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale wtf...am i a gigolo now . only people who sell sex for money do that! Hey baby, YOU said it, not ME...lmao! That's hilarious! Deux Bigalow, ALPHAMALE Gigalo!
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale WWIU, my philospophy is that until the couple has had the "talk" that either party is able to do what ever the f*** they want. Once you both sit down and AGREE to be a couple then the stakes are highter. But up until that point....anything goes. And I am within my god-given rights to just up and split if i want to before we have "the talk" alpha. Have you had your coffee'n'smoke yet today? Just curious?
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