Piddle Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 How do guys act differently towards someone who they genuinely just want to be friends with, or with someone they are kind of hoping for more from? It always confuses me. On the one hand you hear guys saying 'no way will a man be an active participant in keeping the friendship going without having some sort of romantic motive.' Like the guy being at least 50 to 60 % the instigator. But on the other hand you hear people say 'if he wants it to happen he will make it happen. If he hasn't jumped you he's not interested.' Which one is it??
Zufango Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I would make a move if Im really interested. If Im being shy or am somehow 'intimidated' by a woman for a reason or another I may not make a move and... Move on. Seems you are also asking if guys and girls can be friends aside from physical attraction.
seekingluck Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I have a guy I have been friends with for about 18 years now. I am sure if he was going to make a move, he would have already. We have overlapped being single on plenty of occasions. Yes you can be just friends! 2
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Men are socialized from birth to take what they want. If a man wants to date you he will ask you out or make a move to kiss you. Until he does that (or until you do) you are friends only & it's likely to stay that way. Please note I said MAN. Boys under 20 may still be maturing into somebody confident enough to go for what they want. 1
carhill Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 How do guys act differently towards someone who they genuinely just want to be friends with, or with someone they are kind of hoping for more from? IME, the focus is more on shared interests, associations and a broader spectrum of interactions rather than on the person on a narrow sense. There can still be intimacy but it is of the platonic sort. This comes from the experience of having many authentic female friends in life. You can also gain some guidance from observing how known gay males interact with women they are friends with. While it is true that most men are socialized to be assertive and aggressive, as we've evolved we've also been socialized and legislated into more socially acceptable behavior sets and this can affect interactions of the romantic sort. This isn't the wild west anymore where men take what they want and terminate what they don't want. Heck, it isn't even the era of my parents, where men were expected to overcome a woman's 'resistance'. Those coarse behaviors, sometimes even violent behaviors, have been socialized out of us. IMO, that's a healthy change, but it also muddies the lines between mating disinterest and mating interest, hence sometimes people, both men and women, becoming confused. 1
740Park Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Certain guys will mostly seek out females they're interested in dating whilst others are completely able to remain platonic friends. Some guys talk about how cute some of their friends are. And from some of them some say they'd never act on it. And some guys swear up and down there is zero romantic/physical attraction to any of their friends. . . In my experience it has come down to their personality... Some guys are upfront and take charge, others stay back waiting for the moment & they're obviously a lot harder to tell which is which. If you're interested in a particular guy, you'll have to inquire if he's interested. And anyone that never gives a concrete answer, I personally always just assume he isn't interested and move on. But again, from my personal experience that usually when a guy is interested and wanting to pursue he is definitely more transparent. That's usually...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 How do guys act differently towards someone who they genuinely just want to be friends with, or with someone they are kind of hoping for more from? It always confuses me. On the one hand you hear guys saying 'no way will a man be an active participant in keeping the friendship going without having some sort of romantic motive.' Like the guy being at least 50 to 60 % the instigator. But on the other hand you hear people say 'if he wants it to happen he will make it happen. If he hasn't jumped you he's not interested.' Which one is it?? Men have zero interest in being mere friends with women who they wouldn't rather be banging. (there are exceptions for coworkers, neighbors, and the like, which almost never apply to Loveshack) That's it - it is that concise. Pinterest should make that much clear to you. 1
Zippy2000 Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 How do guys act differently towards someone who they genuinely just want to be friends with, or with someone they are kind of hoping for more from? It always confuses me. On the one hand you hear guys saying 'no way will a man be an active participant in keeping the friendship going without having some sort of romantic motive.' Like the guy being at least 50 to 60 % the instigator. But on the other hand you hear people say 'if he wants it to happen he will make it happen. If he hasn't jumped you he's not interested.' Which one is it?? Re-read the question! "How do guys act differently towards someone who they genuinely just want to be friends with, or with someone they are kind of hoping for more from"? If it were me and I was a "friend" to a girl. I wont do nice things and ask her out and do things with her as much as I wouldnt think of her in a romantic way. Think about it. How often do you go out of your way to do wuth with a friend of yours and how often would you read out to them. I sometimes dont speak to my firnds for up to a week. They are JUST friends. For someone Im hoping more from. Id drop in little clues. Comliment or flirt with them a little. Drop in the odd cheeky remark and want to be with them. I d alsow contact them a more to and ask to spend timew with them.
giblesp Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 How do guys act differently towards someone who they genuinely just want to be friends with, or with someone they are kind of hoping for more from? It always confuses me. On the one hand you hear guys saying 'no way will a man be an active participant in keeping the friendship going without having some sort of romantic motive.' Like the guy being at least 50 to 60 % the instigator. But on the other hand you hear people say 'if he wants it to happen he will make it happen. If he hasn't jumped you he's not interested.' Which one is it?? Guys who want to date want to have sex with you, guys who want to be friends don't.
shet Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 The only women I've ever *wanted* nothing beyond friendship from have been colleagues, where being friends with people makes your job a happier place and earns you invites to Friday drinks and whatever else life benefits. And even then, only the unattractive or married colleagues. Any other place or time, if I have engaged with a woman socially, I've wanted to be with her romantically. May not happen, but I've wanted it. I'm capable of taking a knockback on those wishes and *only* remaining friends, and in time moved on and forgotten any particular interest in them once other prospects have appeared. Although that does tend to become a weaker friendship once they do have a partner, since they don't want you around as much and you don't want to shake hands with the dickhead who succeeded where you failed. Only gay men in my experience have genuine female friends with no history of a rejected advance. I don't find this particularly sad. In heterosexual society there is going to be romantic tension between the sexes. If that ever breaks down, expect us to go extinct within a generation. If I like a woman enough to be friends, I like her enough to want to be with her. Don't really understand how to compartmentalise the emotion, or why I should.
seekingluck Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I find, guys who have been on the friend spectrum, who get interested, usually start getting a bit more touchy/affectionate. They may make more comments about your looks, but this gets greyed the longer you know someone.
TB Rhine Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I would say that if a guy A) Treats you like "one of the boys" OR B) Engages in catty "girl talk" with you, then he is probably just a friend (and most likely gay in the second case, besides). A guy who likes you will grow quiet and sullen if you talk about other guys. He'll do the same if others try to horn in on your time together (folks, especially other guys, trying to tag along and so on). He'll try to assert his role as "the guy" when the two of you hang out (such as by insisting on driving everywhere, picking you up, paying for everything, etc). He will make playful/flirtatious comments and call you cute little pet names, things so over the top you may be tempted to dismiss them as jokes. He will compliment you. He will defer to your preferences and opinions in all things. He will do stuff with you he can't possibly enjoy, such as hanging around carrying your bags when you go shopping. He will basically be your slave.
Ami1uwant Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 The only women I've ever *wanted* nothing beyond friendship from have been colleagues, where being friends with people makes your job a happier place and earns you invites to Friday drinks and whatever else life benefits. And even then, only the unattractive or married colleagues. Any other place or time, if I have engaged with a woman socially, I've wanted to be with her romantically. May not happen, but I've wanted it. I'm capable of taking a knockback on those wishes and *only* remaining friends, and in time moved on and forgotten any particular interest in them once other prospects have appeared. Although that does tend to become a weaker friendship once they do have a partner, since they don't want you around as much and you don't want to shake hands with the dickhead who succeeded where you failed. Only gay men in my experience have genuine female friends with no history of a rejected advance. I don't find this particularly sad. In heterosexual society there is going to be romantic tension between the sexes. If that ever breaks down, expect us to go extinct within a generation. If I like a woman enough to be friends, I like her enough to want to be with her. Don't really understand how to compartmentalise the emotion, or why I should. I agree with much of heat you said...but parts I disagree with... First it depends on how you two met. If you met at work in a professional career that many refuse to date people they meet at work so it's generally just friends. Could something develop in time--sure. If they met th tough friends then there may be a just friends with it too start other times it could be trying to see if there is a relationship? Determining if it's a relationship could be overt ( obvious flirting, asking her out, etc) and covert( getting to know things about her and find out how much they share). From that point and the results could determine if theyvare a possibility. One good friend of mine from college. I met her through where I worked. Some friends of mine asked me if iwas going to adk her out. Prior to me asking when I talked to her I'd get the boyfriend this boyfriend that stuff do I felt there was no hope in asking her out. I got to know her and found out some big differences between us that would make any LTR/marriage difficult. From that point on we just were friends. We dud have chemistry and I think one of her ex husbands was really jealous about it because I may have brought out something in her he never saw.
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