himforever Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Ok here's my situation..I guess I need to know did I over react? Is my best bet to just walk away now? Me and my Ex have a 7 year old daughter together, we have been trying over the years to be friends for our sakes and our daughters and it makes it more easy to communicate and deal with things when you still have some sort of realtinship with the other person...well I was over at his house just yesterday, and we were sitting chatting...about everyday things, He asked what I was doing on the weekend...asked how my schooling is going...blah blah blah...well I have no reason to treat him like any of my other friends right?? So I told him what I am up to, what my plans were...Well...it came down to me asking him "So what are you doing this weekend?" He said he was going to a social..making convo...I asked oh who's? just curious if it was a mutual friend.....he gave me a one word answer..thats fine.... So I asked "what are you doing for the rest of the weekend?" and he said going to the lake....I said "Oh well why don't you take "our daughter" and he said no, I am going to a friends cabin....so I asked oh what laek...and then he started getting all defensive and mad cause I was asking questions....just was curious to know what lake...my goodness....no need to get so upset right? Its not like I was asking him with who, or anything really personal. After that he told me "I needed to know my place" What is that?????? Some friend he is...do I look like I am his dog?? I blew up and told him If he was going to treat me this way then I don't want to have any sort or relationship with him...how am I suppose to know what I can and can't ask him?? my questions are limited and I am suppose to be a friend and a part of his life when he won't even share anything with me...but its ok for me to share everything..... It was a huge blow out...I told him I was done trying to be in his life I think he was totally rude about it and he just got mean after....with him, he wants things the way he wants them and how he wants them....and now this...maybe its for the better we just deal with our daughter and not talk about anything else, especailly when he doesn't want to share any part of his life like that with me as a friend....I mean I ask my friends those questions all the time...they never once told me to "know my place" if they did I clearly wouldn't be friends with them. I was just simply interested in his life and curious to know what he's been up to....Am I wrong?? did I lose it on him for no reason? He called this morning and left me a message...I am in avoidal mode now...still pretty upset..... and had the nerve to tell me, how much I over reacted and that I need to no pry in his life...sorry for asking non personal...simple questions.....I never ask him about who he is dating or if he is dating, who he talks to...if it was that I would understand but....I asked everyday questions anyone asks friends and family in there life.....what do you think??? please feed back needed.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 "friends" with an ex, when you have a kid between you is : "Hi! " that is all you say. maybe tell him have a nice day too.....but nothing deeper into your NOW private lives.
Merin Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 *Quick note.. please break up your thread in paragraphs makes it easier to read* Honestly, While the 2 of you are Friends and mad props to both of you for being able to do this for the sake of your daughter... he isn't like just one of your other Friends and you've got to know that. The 2 of you share a child together.. the 2 of you have been intimate... this isn't like a friendship you have with ANY OTHER person you know. IMO he felt you were looking for more answers to his plans than he was comfortable or willing to give you... it didn't feel like a harmless interest in his plans in his mind, it felt more like lets play 20 questions to see what you're REALLY up too... When he said know your place.. while I'm sure it did hurt your feelings... I think he was trying to say "Yes we are friends, BUT we both know this is like no other friendship either one of us has with others.. while you are the Mother of Our child, and I have respect for you like that... it is because you are the Mother of our child and we are NOT together as a couple that I don't owe you any explanations as to what, who, why or how" He isn't just another Friend... he is the Father of your wee peep. I have 2 Kiddo's with My EX... While we are friendly for the sake of our kids.. he is NOT just another one of my friends nor am I for him... I don't ask him questions other than how are you.. and he doesn't ask them of me... Just my 2 cents
HokeyReligions Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 The others said pretty much the same thing I would say. I wonder if you are not still in love with him, or hoping for a reconciliation? Your name "himforever" --does that mean your ex? Maybe you need to set some new boundaries for your conversations and both of you clearly understand and stick to them. Like, no talking unless it's about your child. Pleasantries can be "Hi" "Nice Day" "Good Bye" and leave it at that. There is a world of difference in being friendly and being friends.
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I am going to a friends cabin....so I asked oh what laek...and then he started getting all defensive and mad cause I was asking questions....just was curious to know what lake...my goodness....no need to get so upset right? Its not like I was asking him with who, or anything really personal. After that he told me "I needed to know my place" What is that?????? Some friend he is...do I look like I am his dog?? I blew up and told him If he was going to treat me this way then I don't want to have any sort or relationship with him...how am I suppose to know what I can and can't ask him?? my questions are limited and I am suppose to be a friend and a part of his life when he won't even share anything with me...but its ok for me to share everything..... First of all, you don't OWE him any extra info about your life...Just as he doesn't either. Personal lives are personal lives and obviously he feels what he does with whomever isn't your business anymore and he really doesn't feel comfy discussing it with you. There really is no point unless this OP is going to be 'meeting' your daughter. He is your EX, not a friend. Forever you both will be tied together because of the daughter you share together. Nothing more, nothing less. I suggest you both steer clear of "personal" stuff, unless it has to do with your daughter. Easier this way and less reason to be angry.
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