contel3 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Everywhere I look, there's people in relationships or falling in love. People break up with the love of their lives and a few weeks later they have found the new love of their lifes...meanwhile I have trouble even finding someone I'm attracted to. It's not like I'm shallow. I see extremely handsome men everywhere, I'm just not attracted to them. When I do fall for someone they are usually average looking. I'm not sure if I have ever truly fallen in love or if I was only infatuated. After a break up I usually start dating immediately. I enjoy getting to know new people, but there's nothing more to it. I need at least a year to be emotionally available again. During that year I am very focused on myself and see a relationship as a waste of time. Getting to know someone better is annoying and tiring. I'm always too busy. Even after I'm emotionally available again I never find anyone interesting enough. Has anyone made similar experiences? Or the oposite? Is it easier for some people to fall in love than others? Are people just settling or do they really fall in love so easily? 1
bluefeather Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Is it easier for some people to fall in love than others? Yes. Without knowing anything about you, I can't really give you advice on it. But yes some people fall in love a lot quicker and easier. I don't think it means there is anything wrong with you, because on the contrary, lots of people "think" they fall in love when they are, like you said, infatuated. Trial and error, luck, and knowing yourself (and what you are looking for) can help. Not that I'm an expert or anything; that is just from my own experience. 1
Satu Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 From my journal: "Falling in love seems much, but is little. The slow discipline of love seems little, but is much."
bluefeather Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 From my journal: "Falling in love seems much, but is little. The slow discipline of love seems little, but is much." Sounds very Taoist. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Maybe this isn't relevant, but what is your sex drive like? I'm guessing if you don't find very men attractive, and you can easily go a year without dating with no urge too, it must be low? Maybe it's a hormonal thing? Falling in love is a pretty natural process... maybe you've just met the wrong guys, but basic biology should kick in at some point. 2
shet Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I've debated this myself. I don't "fall in love". I know this about myself now. Clear headed logical appraisal of someones suitability for me, compatibility, lifestyle etc, the sort of thing it seems most people can only do after months or more with someone... it's an intrinsic part of my sense of attraction to begin with. Not "chemistry" or "sparks" or any of that childish BS. I don't even know what that is, I've certainly never experienced it. Nor for anyone I know, most of whom are married now. A slow build, as you grow increasingly sure someone can fit into your life. And in time, a reliance on each other and respect, words backed by action, confidence in them. This is because I do not wish to make the mistake so many do, of being fooled and trapped into an unhappy or unwilling situation with someone I was blind to their flaws for too long. The prospect of avoiding that is more attractive than any amount of good looks, busy hands or easy promises. You sound quite similar.
bluefeather Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Seems foolish to call something "childish BS" when... I don't even know what that is, I've certainly never experienced it.
shet Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I don't. I'm a keen observer. It's the likes of Disney films and Hollywood fare. A fairytale sold to little girls that ****s them up for a good long time, maybe forever. Men don't talk in those terms, not as boys or later. And even if you want to believe in "chemistry" - what relevance has that to anything long term? You think because you both got handsy quickly or he had a certain twinkle in his eye and it just felt right, that you won't be just as sick of his **** in a year? You'll be sicker, because you'll realise if you'd have seen clearly to start with instead of gone googly eyed, you would have noticed his flaws earlier. Further questions can go to Tim Minchin:
bluefeather Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I don't. I'm a keen observer. It's the likes of Disney films and Hollywood fare. A fairytale sold to little girls that ****s them up for a good long time, maybe forever. Men don't talk in those terms, not as boys or later. And even if you want to believe in "chemistry" - what relevance has that to anything long term? You think because you both got handsy quickly or he had a certain twinkle in his eye and it just felt right, that you won't be just as sick of his **** in a year? You'll be sicker, because you'll realise if you'd have seen clearly to start with instead of gone googly eyed, you would have noticed his flaws earlier. Further questions can go to Tim Minchin: You want a hug, don't you!! Funny song
Knight23 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Yes, some people fall in love more quickly than others. There are those who just love the 'idea' of love though. They can't seem to differeniate a crush from the actual thing. But, as I first stated, there really ARE some people out there who just happen to genuinely fall faster than others. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them. As for myself, I don't fall too easily either. I've only ever felt it once. You kind of just know what it is, it just feels completely different from anything else. Sometimes it may take you a while to catch onto it, especially if you've never felt it before, but you DO notice the difference. At least that's how it was in my case. Falling in love is a normal thing, and though you may not have felt it yet, that doesn't mean it won't ever happen. It just means you didn't find the guy yet.
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