JonesJames Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Hi again guys, I have posted numerous times in regards to the situation I am currently trying to work myself through. A little bit of an update, I've been working out more frequently and hanging out with friends on a much regular basis, this has made me feel much better towards the break up, and, I am starting to comes to terms and accept the fact that they may never be any way back for me and my ex partner. I have also decided to start education again, choosing to go to university, to further my knowledge, this will keep occupied whilst working a part time job too. Anyway, to the point... I turned up at her house (I know bad move) although, to my surprise, she actually spoke to me, explained herself more and told me that if her feelings ever change then she will be sure to make me aware, although this to me feels like I am just a 'back up plan' if her future relationships aren't to work, whilst speaking to her, she was struggling to make eye contact with me, when I told her to look into my eyes she couldn't resist smiling, once I told her I have met someone else, she become very defensive and starting asking numerous questions about who this girl was, I then told her I'm not chasing her anymore and give up on the relationship, this again seemed to make her act all defensive, resulting in her shutting the door in my face, it seems like she's acting rather childish towards me now. After this, I resisted the temptation to contact, it's been almost 1 week now, it seems to be getting better with each day, I just wanted some opinions on where people think I stand with this girl now? I feel like I gained the upper hand by not acting needy and just leaving things, although like mentioned in previous threads she give me the killer blow of 'she fell out of love for me' I believe this is complete lies, she's going through a rough patch currently constantly working and a lot of studies to focus on, I'm thinking of giving her time and space, I've made it clear how I feel, I'm not waiting around for her to come running back to me, it's in her hands now, she has to make the first move, I'm becoming a better me in the meantime. Based on what I have explained, I'd like to get people's opinions on this, like I said.. I'm almost a week into no contact since turning up at her house, often get the urge to message her, be always resist as think of the outcome. Thanks guys
Maggie4 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 If you did indeed get the "upper hand", that's going to cost you. It's not what relationships are all about. You turned up at her house to tell her you're seeing another girl? Don't play this type of games because girls will always beat you at it. Females are just so much more in tune with feelings, that's why they're usually two steps ahead of the guys in that department. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 So you went to her house, got her to look you in the eye, then told her you're dating someone? Yeah. Bad move. Jerk move, even. If I were her, I wouldn't want to see you anymore at all. What in heaven's name were you thinking? 3
Author JonesJames Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Sorry, I have made myself seem like an inconsiderate jerk, we were together for three and a half years, she told me she had fallen out of love me with me, I myself found out from a friend of hers that she is in fact dating someone else just a week after the break up, excuse me for sounding heartless, although she had been absolutely tearing me apart with some of the things see was saying, I went over to her house to possibly sort things out, try to arrange a meeting in the future, I'm not sure if this new guy is a rebound or she has genuine feelings for him.
Author JonesJames Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Again, this may sound to others like I'm 'playing games' although, I feel like she is doing the same with me, does anyone have any experience with a similar situation, if so, how did you get past it?
stillafool Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I think if she wanted to get back with you you have given her plenty of opportunities. Now go date the new girl and leave this one alone. Let her come to you if she wants to get back together. You are making yourself look bad by chasing her. You are chasing her away. Let her come to you.
Author JonesJames Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 That's the plan, to leave her be. It's just difficult once you have shared so much with each other over the three and a half years, I know 'no contact' if used to better YOURSELF and come to terms with the break up, however is there any stories were the ex returns? During our relationship I broke it off with her on the odd occasion, she left me be, didn't contact, didn't beg, eventually I contacted her, do you feel the same could occur? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 That's the plan, to leave her be. It's just difficult once you have shared so much with each other over the three and a half years, I know 'no contact' if used to better YOURSELF and come to terms with the break up, however is there any stories were the ex returns? During our relationship I broke it off with her on the odd occasion, she left me be, didn't contact, didn't beg, eventually I contacted her, do you feel the same could occur? If this is your mindset you need to stop dating and actually process the breakup. It's not fair for the girl you are dating now. 3
Satu Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 "Where do people think I stand with this girl now?" Top of the list of people who should go away, and stay away. I also think that you shouldn't be dating anyone else, when you've got so much baggage regarding this person. It's not fair. 2
theredpill Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Satu is spot on and I know from experience how deeply women can fall in love with a man who's trying to reach the same level of intimacy in an attempt to recapture the "relationship" feeling. I've done it, she cried and begged me not to leave her after only about 6 weeks. No way would I do that again, felt like an absolute twat I'm two months out from this breakup and although I think I'm a ****ing legend in terms of emotional control, I'd still break someone's heart right now, so my plan is wait till Oct/Nov when my finances are back to normal and I'm feeling totally centered, then I'll start dating. We often think our exes are seeing someone else to piss us off, but the reality is they're hurting in their own way and this is how they think they'll recover. Some women will take time out to heal and wait rather than jumping into something quickly, others who can't be "alone" take the first best offer, these usually fail within 3-6 months but can work out on occasion, there's no guarantee of anything. 1
Author JonesJames Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys. One day I feel great, the next not so good, working out reguarlly takes my mind of things and boosts my self esteem, although I am still often thinking about the relationship and regretting some of the things I didn't do or say, I agree with everyone that I shouldn't be dated anyone yet, I explained myself to the girl and she completely understands the situation. I just find it hard to deal with the fact that after such a long amount of time together she's so easily able to jump back into dating, I personally found it so difficult and didn't feel like it was the right way to go about healing myself. Another thing I should point out is the fact that just a week before our break up she was saying she's so happy with the person I become and it excited for what our future will hold, any ideas what happened there?! I guess I have to let go, I genuinely thought I would spent the rest of my life with her as we always found our way back to one another, this gives me the hope, which I understand isn't healthy but I guess if she truly loves me she will reach out in the future, for the time being it's about healing and making myself better both mentally and physically. 1
Tobin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I bet the girl you're dating now doesn't know about you going over to your ex's house. It's not fair what you're doing to this new girl.
stillafool Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I just find it hard to deal with the fact that after such a long amount of time together she's so easily able to jump back into dating, I personally found it so difficult and didn't feel like it was the right way to go about healing myself. Another thing I should point out is the fact that just a week before our break up she was saying she's so happy with the person I become and it excited for what our future will hold, any ideas what happened there?! . My experience from breakups are when the person who dumps you immediately starts dating another person so soon it's because that person was waiting in the wings for them anyway. She probably did see improvement in your relationship and vacilated between staying and going. Let her see what life is without you and date this guy. After the honeymoon period she may miss what she had with you and you period. The only way to make this happen is to disappear from her life and make her wonder what's going on with you. Tell your friends not to tell her anything if she asks. You can do it.
Tobin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 My experience from breakups are when the person who dumps you immediately starts dating another person In your experience they were probably dating another person before they dumped you.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 After the honeymoon period she may miss what she had with you and you period.I really, really wouldn't count on this happening. Even if she does come sniffing around, remember that you're second/third/fourth best to her. She ruined a good thing to see what was out there. The consequence of such a choice is eternal silence from you. What's broken in relationships is always broken. It's sad, because we're left with the memories of the good times. But eventually the dumper must deal with their decision - which is the entirety of our absence. 1
Author JonesJames Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 It's her birthday very soon, I am still stuck in between getting her a gift (nothing to expensive) or just simply wishing her a happy birthday, like I mentioned I'm doing very well and haven't YET contacted her. Basically, has anyone ever done this? If so, what was the result?
Oregon_Dude Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I'm doing very wellIf you're doing very well, then you wouldn't want to set yourself back by engaging in any conversation with her. No happy birthday, no nuthin'. When we break up, we're under zero obligation to contact that person or respond to them. Keep doing you. Sounds like you're doing awesome. 1
Author JonesJames Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 Thanks for the advice, I understand that this wouldn't be the best of moves to make as it will simply set me back to square one if she didn't at least thank me. I still find it difficult each day.. Although like I said it getting better! No contact is slowly working, come the next week or so I believe I may be completely over the break up. Thanks again guys.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Why do you keep skimming over the fact that you are plotting to get back with your ex while you are dating another woman? Why do you think this is acceptable behavior? 1
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