Irrelephant Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Hi guys, this is a but lengthy but bear with me. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now. I'm 23, he's 27, my first boyfriend/first love/first kiss and I can't really imagine my life without him. We met online, where we fell so hard for each other we were already in love by the time we met in person. For the first year and a half we lived 4 hours apart, which was really not a huge issue given how we met. He was really in love with me and one of us (usually him) would visit once a month. We both lived with our parents and since he doesn't drive, this involved a hefty bus fare we split even. He agreed to move to my city (he had actually moved here previously for his ex), but when he applied to transfer jobs he was placed quite far from me (20 min drive/hour bus ride). I wasn't ready to move in together so he got his friend to room with him in a house right next to his work. This distance quickly became a problem when I realized I was borrowing my parents' car multiple times a week to go see him, and he would come up with any excuse imaginable to not come over. He didn't drive, he hates public transportation, can't afford bus tickets, has no spare time, etc. He even holds "I moved cities for you" over my head. By the first month he had come over once, complained about the cost of bus tickets, while I had driven over 10-15 times and not once had he offered to pitch in for gas. We had decided to get a dog together once he moved here (probably not the greatest decision but I had wanted one my whole life and my parents were completely anti-pets). So when the second month came around, we had gotten our puppy, giving him yet another excuse to never visit me ("I have to take care of the dog"). Having promised to come over often to help out, he ended up complaining I wasn't coming over enough and he was exhausted having to clean up after her alone. I would stay over every Friday-Sunday, where I would have no say in raising her and wasn't really doing my part. I couldn't do anything with her that wasn't a direct request from him, which made me reluctant to help out, feeling more like his dogsitter than dog owner. For example, I once took her out for a walk in a friend's neighbourhood against his wishes while he was at work, and he got so upset he left work and threatened to call the cops on me.. Not to mention that his house is so disgusting I get anxiety and depression just being there. He's never so much as wiped the kitchen counters. When I beg him to clean up he just tidies up a little and the place is still so filthy I need to keep my shoes on. I hate being there. Anyway, shortly after the cops incident I broke it off with him, as heartbreaking as it was to lose both him and the dog (he would never agree to share custody obviously) and I was finally moving out into an apartment closer to work with a friend. The breakup lasted only a few days, and when I agreed to get back together I had him promise that we would visit each other equally. After all, I wouldn't have much access to a car anymore. I also begged him to let our dog live with me half the time, but he naturally refused claiming I didn't pull my weight in raising her and that he was too attached, which I reluctantly understood. He visited a few times after I moved, usually only if I agreed to come back home with him, and any time he did visit he complained about my apartment being loud, uncomfortable, the neighbourhood being too busy (he's an introvert), etc. Of course 2 months later, we're back to square one where he "can't" visit because he has to take care of the dog and she's been misbehaving. I'm finding it hard to have much sympathy and I'm so tired of being the only one making an effort. He can never sleep over because he refuses to leave our dog with his roommate (who also has a dog) for even one night. I've tried asking him to get his driver's license (even offering to buy him a used car) but he absolutely refuses because he's convinced he's too anxious to ever drive. I don't really know what to do anymore. I've struggled with depression for years and I'm in no way holding him responsible for it but it really feels like our situation is draining me. And my depression is pushing him away. Has his love for me completely fizzled? I keep reminiscing back to when he would walk 40 minutes in the freezing cold and take a 4 hour bus ride just to see me I'm having a hard time believing the dog alone is all that's holding him back. He works 5 hour shifts 6 days a week (30 hrs) - surely he could find some time in there for me. He spends all his spare time video gaming (claiming he can stay at home to watch over the dog). I don't want to accuse him of loving video games more than me but I honestly think he does, and maybe that's why he hates coming over (his consoles are at home). I love him too much to bring myself to leave again.. It was just too hard the first time. How do I get through to him without letting him go? Anytime I bring up my concerns he gets defensive, we end up arguing and nothing gets resolved. When I tell him it's saddening me he goes on about the root of my depression really being a lack of hobbies and that I'm a pushover (except with him). When I stopped visiting we ended up not seeing each other for 2 weeks until I was forced to cave for his birthday. Am I asking too much of him or is he just over me?
Diezel Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 You've described a ton of reasons to not be in a relationship with him other than "first love, first kiss, etc, etc, etc..." It sounds like you two aren't even meeting remotely close to half-way. Maybe this is an indicator of the fact that you two shouldn't be together. Maybe you need to be over him. 3
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Hi guys, this is a but lengthy but bear with me. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now. I'm 23, he's 27, my first boyfriend/first love/first kiss and I can't really imagine my life without him. We met online, where we fell so hard for each other we were already in love by the time we met in person. For the first year and a half we lived 4 hours apart, which was really not a huge issue given how we met. He was really in love with me and one of us (usually him) would visit once a month. We both lived with our parents and since he doesn't drive, this involved a hefty bus fare we split even. He agreed to move to my city (he had actually moved here previously for his ex), but when he applied to transfer jobs he was placed quite far from me (20 min drive/hour bus ride). I wasn't ready to move in together so he got his friend to room with him in a house right next to his work. This distance quickly became a problem when I realized I was borrowing my parents' car multiple times a week to go see him, and he would come up with any excuse imaginable to not come over. He didn't drive, he hates public transportation, can't afford bus tickets, has no spare time, etc. He even holds "I moved cities for you" over my head. By the first month he had come over once, complained about the cost of bus tickets, while I had driven over 10-15 times and not once had he offered to pitch in for gas. We had decided to get a dog together once he moved here (probably not the greatest decision but I had wanted one my whole life and my parents were completely anti-pets). So when the second month came around, we had gotten our puppy, giving him yet another excuse to never visit me ("I have to take care of the dog"). Having promised to come over often to help out, he ended up complaining I wasn't coming over enough and he was exhausted having to clean up after her alone. I would stay over every Friday-Sunday, where I would have no say in raising her and wasn't really doing my part. I couldn't do anything with her that wasn't a direct request from him, which made me reluctant to help out, feeling more like his dogsitter than dog owner. For example, I once took her out for a walk in a friend's neighbourhood against his wishes while he was at work, and he got so upset he left work and threatened to call the cops on me.. Not to mention that his house is so disgusting I get anxiety and depression just being there. He's never so much as wiped the kitchen counters. When I beg him to clean up he just tidies up a little and the place is still so filthy I need to keep my shoes on. I hate being there. Anyway, shortly after the cops incident I broke it off with him, as heartbreaking as it was to lose both him and the dog (he would never agree to share custody obviously) and I was finally moving out into an apartment closer to work with a friend. The breakup lasted only a few days, and when I agreed to get back together I had him promise that we would visit each other equally. After all, I wouldn't have much access to a car anymore. I also begged him to let our dog live with me half the time, but he naturally refused claiming I didn't pull my weight in raising her and that he was too attached, which I reluctantly understood. He visited a few times after I moved, usually only if I agreed to come back home with him, and any time he did visit he complained about my apartment being loud, uncomfortable, the neighbourhood being too busy (he's an introvert), etc. Of course 2 months later, we're back to square one where he "can't" visit because he has to take care of the dog and she's been misbehaving. I'm finding it hard to have much sympathy and I'm so tired of being the only one making an effort. He can never sleep over because he refuses to leave our dog with his roommate (who also has a dog) for even one night. I've tried asking him to get his driver's license (even offering to buy him a used car) but he absolutely refuses because he's convinced he's too anxious to ever drive. I don't really know what to do anymore. I've struggled with depression for years and I'm in no way holding him responsible for it but it really feels like our situation is draining me. And my depression is pushing him away. Has his love for me completely fizzled? I keep reminiscing back to when he would walk 40 minutes in the freezing cold and take a 4 hour bus ride just to see me I'm having a hard time believing the dog alone is all that's holding him back. He works 5 hour shifts 6 days a week (30 hrs) - surely he could find some time in there for me. He spends all his spare time video gaming (claiming he can stay at home to watch over the dog). I don't want to accuse him of loving video games more than me but I honestly think he does, and maybe that's why he hates coming over (his consoles are at home). I love him too much to bring myself to leave again.. It was just too hard the first time. How do I get through to him without letting him go? Anytime I bring up my concerns he gets defensive, we end up arguing and nothing gets resolved. When I tell him it's saddening me he goes on about the root of my depression really being a lack of hobbies and that I'm a pushover (except with him). When I stopped visiting we ended up not seeing each other for 2 weeks until I was forced to cave for his birthday. Am I asking too much of him or is he just over me? He's not making you a priority plain and simple. Stop making him a priority for yourself. Sit back and let him lead again. Observe his behavior. If he's not reaching out to you and wanting to spending time with you without prompting, you have your answer. Stop asking him for anything and see what happens. IN the meantime, go out and enjoy yourself with friends. Find a hobby, do projects that you've been letting slide. I love him too much to bring myself to leave again. -- You don't have to leave, all you have to do is sit back and observe if he will let you go . . . 2
kendahke Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Am I asking too much of him or is he just over me? yes and probably so. He doesn't want to do any heavy lifting in your relationship. If you want to be with him, you're going to have to put out way more effort for return on investment than he ever will because as long as you say things like: I love him too much to bring myself to leave again.. then you're going to have to learn to live with what you won't rise above.
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Since you would like to have the dog part time, it seems to me that he could just bring the dog to your house & the problem is solved. Because he won't do that I see his actions as saying you are not important enough to him for him to assert effort. If he cared he'd clean, he want to spend time with you. At present he's willing to take advantage of your presence when you show up & make it easy for him. As much as it saddens me to tell you to walk away from your pet, unless you are prepared to sue for full or joint custody I'd just end this whole mess. 1
Author Irrelephant Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 He's not making you a priority plain and simple. Stop making him a priority for yourself. Sit back and let him lead again. Observe his behavior. If he's not reaching out to you and wanting to spending time with you without prompting, you have your answer. Stop asking him for anything and see what happens. IN the meantime, go out and enjoy yourself with friends. Find a hobby, do projects that you've been letting slide. I love him too much to bring myself to leave again. -- You don't have to leave, all you have to do is sit back and observe if he will let you go . . . He's always reaching out in that we're constantly texting and he's always asking me to come over. But when I instead ask him to come over for a change, he whips out all his excuses, especially the "our dog is here and I can't leave her, come spend time with us" one. Maybe he's just too comfortable in the relationship. When I refused to go over and we didn't see each other for 2 weeks, we were still texting everyday so it didn't feel like he was letting me go. You're definitely right about doing things for me in the meantime. He's clearly only focused on himself right now and if I don't do the same I'll keep being miserable :\
sandylee1 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I really don't see why you'd get a dog if you weren't living together but that's the least of your problems. He's filthy and if he was more into you, he'd make the effort to come and see you. If he's so filthy you and he won't ever really be compatible. I mean that dirty you have to keep your shoes on is bad. Just end it and find a more suitable BF. 2
Tobin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 You broke up, then reconciled after establishing new conditions for the relationship including equal visitation. He reneged. You have only one choice- break it off. He doesn't keep his promises, he makes all these stupid excuses not to visit, he won't let you share in the care of the dog, and inexplicably he was going to have you arrested for kidnapping the dog because you walked it around the neighborhood? There are many reasons to cut the cord and very few to stay with this guy, he's got some issues. Imagine how it would be to live with him and his mess.. you'd go nuts trying to constantly clean up after him. It just won't work, stop wasting time in a dead end relationship.
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 He's always reaching out in that we're constantly texting and he's always asking me to come over. But when I instead ask him to come over for a change, he whips out all his excuses, especially the "our dog is here and I can't leave her, come spend time with us" one. Maybe he's just too comfortable in the relationship. When I refused to go over and we didn't see each other for 2 weeks, we were still texting everyday so it didn't feel like he was letting me go. You're definitely right about doing things for me in the meantime. He's clearly only focused on himself right now and if I don't do the same I'll keep being miserable :\ He texted for 2 weeks, that's not exactly holding on to you either unless that's enough to keep you hanging on. Yep, focus on yourself and make yourself happy -- with or without him.
Author Irrelephant Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Since you would like to have the dog part time, it seems to me that he could just bring the dog to your house & the problem is solved. Because he won't do that I see his actions as saying you are not important enough to him for him to assert effort. If he cared he'd clean, he want to spend time with you. At present he's willing to take advantage of your presence when you show up & make it easy for him. As much as it saddens me to tell you to walk away from your pet, unless you are prepared to sue for full or joint custody I'd just end this whole mess. He claims he would bring the dog over if he could, but seeing as he refuses to learn to drive it's pretty much impossible. Unless I drive out and get them both, and return them the next day. Which is again me putting in all the effort. When I ask him to clean he blames the mess on the dog, or says he's too tired from working and caring for her 24/7. Alternatively he'll "clean up" very sloppily. Unfortunately he signed the documents for the dog so it's legally his I guess I'll just have to back off and see if he comes around at all, or else he's clearly not worth my time anymore 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 He's a craptastic boyfriend. Where the heck are your standards? To answer your question, yes, I think he's over it. I think he's been over it for a long time. You're convenient for him when he chooses. That's about it. He said he'd change. He didn't. That says a lot about how much he values you. Sadly, because you have nothing to compare it to, you can't see that this relationship is one-sided and not loving. I wouldn't tolerate this for one more day. 2
sandylee1 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 He's as useful as a chocolate teapot my dear. What are you really getting out of this so called relationship. All this stress over a dog....can you imagine if you had a baby with him? This guy won't learn to drive..how useful is he going to be. Do you share the cost of the dog's care? Was his house clean before the dog came? You know regardless of the answers....he's not BF material. Maybe I'm old fashioned...but when I was dating , I wanted a guy to drive over and pick me up to go on dates.....if he can't be bothered to do that.....why waste your time. In the grand scheme of things what does he have to offer you?
Author Irrelephant Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 He's as useful as a chocolate teapot my dear. What are you really getting out of this so called relationship. All this stress over a dog....can you imagine if you had a baby with him? This guy won't learn to drive..how useful is he going to be. Do you share the cost of the dog's care? Was his house clean before the dog came? You know regardless of the answers....he's not BF material. Maybe I'm old fashioned...but when I was dating , I wanted a guy to drive over and pick me up to go on dates.....if he can't be bothered to do that.....why waste your time. In the grand scheme of things what does he have to offer you? Those are some very good points.. I often think about the baby thing and it scares me a little. I wouldn't leave him over something as shallow as not driving but it would be so nice if he did..or at least gave it a shot. I feel so silly wanting to think he'll one day put me before himself when he never really has in the past. It's just so painful imagining a life where I don't get to talk to him.. He is my best friend after all, even if he isn't the best boyfriend. He used to care.. Sigh.
justabottle Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Imagine this, would you want your child in the future to have such a boyfriend? Can you imagine having this kind of son-in-law? If not, then it's time that you let go and make yourself happy, without him
clam Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I see dozens of reasons to end this thing. And not a single one to stay in it. Time to put a fork in this... 1
Redhead14 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Those are some very good points.. I often think about the baby thing and it scares me a little. I wouldn't leave him over something as shallow as not driving but it would be so nice if he did..or at least gave it a shot. I feel so silly wanting to think he'll one day put me before himself when he never really has in the past. It's just so painful imagining a life where I don't get to talk to him.. He is my best friend after all, even if he isn't the best boyfriend. He used to care.. Sigh. He used to care.. -- Up until about a year and half into the relationship -- This distance quickly became a problem when I realized I was borrowing my parents' car multiple times a week to go see him, and he would come up with any excuse imaginable to not come over. He didn't drive, he hates public transportation, can't afford bus tickets, has no spare time, etc. He even holds "I moved cities for you" over my head. By the first month he had come over once, complained about the cost of bus tickets, while I had driven over 10-15 times and not once had he offered to pitch in for gas. I moved cities for you -- He was still too lazy to travel to see you even then. You've been beating a dead horse ever since and maybe prior to that. Unless his name is Lazarus, don't wait for divine intervention.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Since you would like to have the dog part time, it seems to me that he could just bring the dog to your house & the problem is solved.. Now let's not let logic screw up this guy's flimsy excuse to avoid sleeping over the OP's house. This guy is such a friggen mess. Why are you wasting your time with a social misfit who isn't even capable of getting a damned driver's license? Teenage kids who don't know SQUAT manage to get them every day. Guess what? When you dump this loser, in a year or so when you're with someone who actually makes an effort in your relationship and doesn't WHINE about everything, you're going to realize that it really WASN'T the end of the earth when you dumped this guy. He brings NOTHING..and I mean NOTHING...to the table. 1
sandylee1 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 He's displaying a very lazy attitude and I'd be done with any guy who called the cops or threatened to call the cops on me. Do you actually have fun together? What does he do to make you feel special and wanted? What makes him a good boyfriend? If you were single and wrote down the qualities you want in a guy, how would he measure up? You could try giving it a set time, to see if things change. During that time , you should be the best GF you can be and see if his behaviour changes. Sometimes we complain when we haven't put our all into it. After the set time and you being a great GF, if he doesn't make any changes, then you should just call it quits. You'll have satisfied yourself that you've done so much and are not getting anything back. A relationship can't be one sided, with only one person putting in the effort. It's not how it should be.
pteromom Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Those are some very good points.. I often think about the baby thing and it scares me a little. I wouldn't leave him over something as shallow as not driving but it would be so nice if he did..or at least gave it a shot. I feel so silly wanting to think he'll one day put me before himself when he never really has in the past. It's just so painful imagining a life where I don't get to talk to him.. He is my best friend after all, even if he isn't the best boyfriend. He used to care.. Sigh. So let him be a friend, and move on. This guy just isn't bf material, and most DEFINITELY isn't husband material. Let's just take a peek into a future with him shall we? You get home from work after picking him up from his job and picking your children up from daycare. Your house is a disaster because since he doesn't clean or help take care of the children or dog, everything is left to you. So you walk in the door and try to clean up a little, but your kids need you, and your husband is hungry and wants to know what is for dinner. You tell him to cook, so he does - but he leaves the kitchen the biggest mess you've ever seen. If this is the life you want, then this is the guy you want. A man who puts zero effort into you as a gf is going to put zero effort into being a husband or father. You need to just move on from him. If he wants you to date him, he needs to show you that he can keep his place clean and make an effort to see you.
Author Irrelephant Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 He's displaying a very lazy attitude and I'd be done with any guy who called the cops or threatened to call the cops on me. Do you actually have fun together? What does he do to make you feel special and wanted? What makes him a good boyfriend? If you were single and wrote down the qualities you want in a guy, how would he measure up? You could try giving it a set time, to see if things change. During that time , you should be the best GF you can be and see if his behaviour changes. Sometimes we complain when we haven't put our all into it. After the set time and you being a great GF, if he doesn't make any changes, then you should just call it quits. You'll have satisfied yourself that you've done so much and are not getting anything back. A relationship can't be one sided, with only one person putting in the effort. It's not how it should be. When I first met him he was the funniest, sweetest, most charming person I'd ever met (stupidly attractive too). We had similar tastes in music/movies/humour..we just really clicked. He lacked ambition and didn't drive, was a bit messy (not nearly as messy as he is now - he did make a real effort back then) and socially awkward, but I figured I could overlook those things as he was so great otherwise. I think as we got comfortable his interest in me waned and he stopped trying as hard to be a good bf, which in turn made me really anxious and a little naggy, and it turned into a cycle where we both drove each other away. My perfect bf would pretty much be him when we met.. His "faults" were okay when he really cared about making me happy. I just don't think he'll ever feel the same way about me again. If I were to be the best gf I could be in attempts to win him over again, how do I handle his lack of visiting me/keeping his place clean? How do I bring up the issues so he knows they're still bothering me, without being naggy? And yeah, the cops thing was a red flag if I ever did see one. I was very upset, he did sort of apologize but I called it quits after. When he realized he'd lost me he went back to being incredibly sweet and caring..which unfortunately didn't last very long.
Redhead14 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 When I first met him he was the funniest, sweetest, most charming person I'd ever met (stupidly attractive too). We had similar tastes in music/movies/humour..we just really clicked. He lacked ambition and didn't drive, was a bit messy (not nearly as messy as he is now - he did make a real effort back then) and socially awkward, but I figured I could overlook those things as he was so great otherwise. I think as we got comfortable his interest in me waned and he stopped trying as hard to be a good bf, which in turn made me really anxious and a little naggy, and it turned into a cycle where we both drove each other away. My perfect bf would pretty much be him when we met.. His "faults" were okay when he really cared about making me happy. I just don't think he'll ever feel the same way about me again. If I were to be the best gf I could be in attempts to win him over again, how do I handle his lack of visiting me/keeping his place clean? How do I bring up the issues so he knows they're still bothering me, without being naggy? And yeah, the cops thing was a red flag if I ever did see one. I was very upset, he did sort of apologize but I called it quits after. When he realized he'd lost me he went back to being incredibly sweet and caring..which unfortunately didn't last very long. You simply state your concerns/needs in a calm, casual conversation and observe for a while whether he makes the effort. Doing that once is not being naggy. Being naggy is doing that, not getting the results you hope for and then hammering him again and again. If they don't want to accommodate your needs/concerns, you have to leave them. This guy apparently already has a history of making "false" starts in doing things to shut you up and then when things calm down, he reverts back to his usual behavior. That is likely to be an never ending dance for you. HE's lazy. That's who he is and you're seeing that now. He was great in the beginning because he was on his best behavior. He wasn't being himself. People do this all the time. The put on their best "face" for a while, but they can't maintain that forever. The honeymoon is over. He's does it for you when you "complain" but he can't hold it up for long. It's too much work for him. Couples who say that their honeymoon never ended, were the ones where both parties were being themselves from the very beginning.
Author Irrelephant Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 So let him be a friend, and move on. This guy just isn't bf material, and most DEFINITELY isn't husband material. Let's just take a peek into a future with him shall we? You get home from work after picking him up from his job and picking your children up from daycare. Your house is a disaster because since he doesn't clean or help take care of the children or dog, everything is left to you. So you walk in the door and try to clean up a little, but your kids need you, and your husband is hungry and wants to know what is for dinner. You tell him to cook, so he does - but he leaves the kitchen the biggest mess you've ever seen. If this is the life you want, then this is the guy you want. A man who puts zero effort into you as a gf is going to put zero effort into being a husband or father. You need to just move on from him. If he wants you to date him, he needs to show you that he can keep his place clean and make an effort to see you. Haha I literally burst out laughing at the future scenario.. That's exactly how I've imagined it to be too. I just keep stupidly hoping he'll care enough to put some effort in one day.
GunslingerRoland Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I think if you are going to make the decision in life to not learn how to drive, you need to be willing to go to the effort to take the bus, walk, ride a bike, take a taxi, or whatever other method of transportation to get places. To refuse to go somewhere 20 minutes from your house ever is ridiculous. Even if you guys moved in together, what would happen then? If you had kids with this guy, you would have to take the kids to school, pick them up, take them to appointments, take them to extra curricular activities... and probably take him to and from work too. What he wants in life isn't reasonable living in a city.
kendahke Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Haha I literally burst out laughing at the future scenario.. That's exactly how I've imagined it to be too. I just keep stupidly hoping he'll care enough to put some effort in one day. Stop doing that. You're hoping for him to flip into someone he has no intention on being for you. How he is is how he is comfortable being. It's not going to get better than this without some serious therapy for his hording and basic triflin' behavior. That's pretty disgusting when you have to keep your shoes on in the house because the floors are that nasty. Makes me wonder if this guy is hikikomori.
Author Irrelephant Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 You simply state your concerns/needs in a calm, casual conversation and observe for a while whether he makes the effort. Doing that once is not being naggy. Being naggy is doing that, not getting the results you hope for and then hammering him again and again. If they don't want to accommodate your needs/concerns, you have to leave them. This guy apparently already has a history of making "false" starts in doing things to shut you up and then when things calm down, he reverts back to his usual behavior. That is likely to be an never ending dance for you. HE's lazy. That's who he is and you're seeing that now. He was great in the beginning because he was on his best behavior. He wasn't being himself. People do this all the time. The put on their best "face" for a while, but they can't maintain that forever. The honeymoon is over. He's does it for you when you "complain" but he can't hold it up for long. It's too much work for him. Couples who say that their honeymoon never ended, were the ones where both parties were being themselves from the very beginning. That's so true. He would probably be better off with a gamer girlfriend who is just as messy and they can thrive in month old dirty dishes together. Wow I'm really bitter.
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