Jord11 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I like it when she comes and visits but when she told me that last night it kind of hurt how should I feel when she does come over shouldn't she be happy and feel comfortable when she is here what should I think about this kind of mad and hurt
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Have you asked her why? Have you asked her what might help her feel at home?
Author Jord11 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 I didn't ask what she told me before is she doesn't like packing a suitcase and living out of a suitcase while she is here
RoseVille Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 How long have you been dating? And how long is she staying for? Do you keep your home suuuuper neat and clean? Slip coasters under her drink? Stare at her feet up on your shoes? Move her things into a pile when she's left them in normal places?
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I didn't ask what she told me before is she doesn't like packing a suitcase and living out of a suitcase while she is here How long have you been seeing each other. If it's been a few months and you truly do want to encourage her, offer her a drawer and some space in your closet to keep some things there, like pajamas, etc. And, how long does she stay there. She shouldn't be staying a week and needing suitcase. Just pajamas and clothing for the following day. She shouldn't be staying there for nights on end. A couple maybe. 1
Author Jord11 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 I offered her a drawer she brushed it off, we've been dating up 2 months and she doesn't stay long maybe 1 or 2 nights I'm not going to ask her to stay over if she feels like that I'm just going to wait for her to ask and see if she does I'm thinking she probably won't ask to stay over
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 She sounds a little high maintenance. At the two month mark, sleep overs require an overnight bag. Even if you give her a drawer & let her keep some personal items like a toothbrush in your bathroom, you two do live apart. I am not advocating that you live together at this point. I am saying that her dislike of an over night bag is more drama then the situation requires. It's a small price to pay to fall asleep in your lover's arms & wake up there.
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I offered her a drawer she brushed it off, we've been dating up 2 months and she doesn't stay long maybe 1 or 2 nights I'm not going to ask her to stay over if she feels like that I'm just going to wait for her to ask and see if she does I'm thinking she probably won't ask to stay over It sounds to me that she is rushing the relationship. At 2 months, you don't offer her a drawer or anything. A toothbrush to have there is fine. A drawer wasn't enough for her-brushed it off, she wants more from you. It's too soon for that.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I think it's hiding something. There is a definite reason as to why she doesn't want to stay over. I think she has something else going on and wants to avoid explaining (to someone else) where she was all night long.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 A drawer wasn't enough for her-brushed it off, she wants more from you. It's too soon for that. How do you read she wants more? She is refusing to stay over for silly reasons. If she was hinting for more she'd stay there till he kicks her out and she'd be talking about how wonderful it is to be together and spend the night together blahblahblah.
Diezel Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 She's hinting that she wants to move in together or you should visit her more. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 How do you read she wants more? She is refusing to stay over for silly reasons. If she was hinting for more she'd stay there till he kicks her out and she'd be talking about how wonderful it is to be together and spend the night together blahblahblah. She's not refusing to stay over as far as I can tell here. However, he extended the offer of a drawer and she blew it off as insignificant, not enough. What else could he do beyond that? -- except ask her to move in.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 She's not refusing to stay over as far as I can tell here. However, he extended the offer of a drawer and she blew it off as insignificant, not enough. What else could he do beyond that? -- except ask her to move in. I didn't read anywhere she brushed it off because it was not enough. She brushed it off.....period. 2
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I like it when she comes and visits but when she told me that last night it kind of hurt how should I feel when she does come over shouldn't she be happy and feel comfortable when she is here what should I think about this kind of mad and hurt Ask her: What can I do to make you feel more comfortable or at home? and let her talk. 2
clia Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It's only been two months. I don't find it strange that she might not feel "at home" at your place yet. There's nothing to feel "hurt" about. It's not her place. Maybe she likes her bed, her couch, etc. Do you spend time at her place or is she always expected to go to your place? Is your place clean and comfortable? Do you wash the sheets and clean the bathroom every week? Do you have roommates? Just give it time. 6
losangelena Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I agree with clia. I don't quite understand the situation by OP's posts, but it's been two months! I was barely spending one night a week at my BF's place two months in. I didn't feel "at home." I feel comfortable here now, one YEAR in, but there still are time that I'd rather be at home. I have plenty of stuff here, but my home is my home. My stuff is there, my bed is there, etc. OP, why do you feel hurt over this? 2
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I didn't read anywhere she brushed it off because it was not enough. She brushed it off.....period. When someone brushes something off, it's because they are not satisfied with the offer . . . if it was amenable to her, she would have taken it and thanked him for it. Beyond, this, it doesn't appear that they are communicating well enough. He didn't understand what she was wanting or saying and didn't inquire any further.
Diezel Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 She's TRYING to say something but saying it through "hints" and "vagueness" and clearly not understanding that men don't pick up on this. He's just taking the situation at face value. That's clearly NOT the case. As a man who knows better... I'd usually just let it keep happening until she decided she actually wanted to communicate what she actually wants. That's how adulthood should work. 1
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 OP: How does that usually unfold. Is it a <I don't feel comfortable I want to go home> ? or it is a <I don't feel comfortable you can do more for me?>
Gary S Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 She sounds a little high maintenance. At the two month mark, sleep overs require an overnight bag. Even if you give her a drawer & let her keep some personal items like a toothbrush in your bathroom, you two do live apart. I am not advocating that you live together at this point. I am saying that her dislike of an over night bag is more drama then the situation requires. It's a small price to pay to fall asleep in your lover's arms & wake up there. d0nnivain nailed it. She could be high maintenance. Specifically, she could have a poor attitude. Does she say other things that bug you? You could date her for another month and a half and pay special attention to her attitude. You want someone for a partner who brings up more than brings you down. Say "no" to the Debbie Downers. To be a really good catch, she must have a good attitude.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 When someone brushes something off, it's because they are not satisfied with the offer . . This is a lot of assumption. If she prefers spending time at her place than him offering a drawer has nothing with not being satisfied, she just does not want a drawer, she just wants something else. Geezzz because a woman refuses a drawer it means she wants to move in with the guy!! c'mon. 2
Gary S Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 And another thing: A girl with a good attitude would have positive feelings.......such as being happy just to be anywhere with you (okay, almost anywhere), or enjoying being in a different place...in fact, the later can be romantic.... but only if she loves you and has a good attitude. A woman in love with a good attitude would call anyplace with you home.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 How often do you visit and stay at her place? I've found that in the early dating stage, men almost always come to my place. I'm welcome at their place, but they make the point that women generally need more stuff for overnight visits than men, her home is usually more nest-like and cozy than his bachelor pad, so it's the gentlemanly thing to do to come to me. It does make things a lot easier on me, saves time and minimizes stress. 1
Gary S Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 How often do you visit and stay at her place? I've found that in the early dating stage, men almost always come to my place. I'm welcome at their place, but they make the point that women generally need more stuff for overnight visits than men, her home is usually more nest-like and cozy than his bachelor pad, so it's the gentlemanly thing to do to come to me. It does make things a lot easier on me, saves time and minimizes stress. - good point!
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 This is a lot of assumption. If she prefers spending time at her place than him offering a drawer has nothing with not being satisfied, she just does not want a drawer, she just wants something else. Geezzz because a woman refuses a drawer it means she wants to move in with the guy!! c'mon. Then she needs to learn how to communicate what it is she really wants. She clearly wants something else and it's more than a drawer at least. Bottomline, the guy needs to ask her instead of giving us nebulous information for use in drawing conclusions/make assumptions.
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