It's official.

[Apparition]

I haven't talked about my break-up on here but I feel I need to do it now while emotions are still raw. So, here is a little about my recent relationship; I was friends with her for almost a year before we started dating, it was instant chemistry with us so it was hard to stay friends. As I got to know her I fell more in love with her and I have evidence of three years where she was completely in love with me, too. We talked every day, and even when she was at work and I was at work, she would send me cheeky text messages and if we didn't get to talk for a few hours she would tell me she missed me. I felt loved for the first time in my life, truly loved. I actually never believed in soul mates until I met her. She stole my heart completely. The third year into our relationship we began talking about marriage, well, it was more of a, "I want to marry you" from her, and I said the same.

 

Fast forward to a year later, now going on four years which was last year in June, something happened to her. I can't talk about it because it would be disrespectful to her and it's not the sort of thing you talk about. People will probably know what I mean as soon as they read this. Anyway, something happened to her which changed her towards everything in life, even towards me. I stayed around trying to help her, trying to love her through it. But, after a couple of months our relationship started to crack. We were arguing when we shouldn't have been. She became cold towards me, and I understood why given what she had been through. I didn't make it easy for her either because I expected the same woman, the woman who was contacting me every day and wanted to be held by me and that was my mistake. She didn't want to talk every day and she certainly didn't want to be touched in any way, not even a hug, whenever I would try hug her she would flinch. I know this sounds selfish, but it made me feel like I was the person who did this to her. It broke my heart to see her like this and I became built up with anger, so much hatred for the world and people.

 

Towards the end of our relationship, things were good up until yesterday evening. We had an argument in public in front of people, she was angry at me because I was annoyed at how the grocery check-out guy was talking to her and looking at her. From her point of view, it was jealousy and she felt like a "wh*re". From my point of view, I was being protective after what happened to her last year. Now, this woman doesn't get angry easily, but she has been angry ever since last year when that..thing..........took place. So of course when she argues with me, she blows up much quicker and ten times worse than she ever normally would. I didn't want to argue in the street, I asked her politely a few times to come into the car so we could talk. She told me she didn't want to be near me and she wanted to go home alone, so I told her that's fine but we need to discuss this first and then I'll leave her be to cool off. However, things escalated and she blew up because I wouldn't leave her alone (No, I wouldn't leave her alone in the street, again, being protective). So, I got mad because she was being impossible and then we just argued as though nobody were in sight, she told me it was over and we would never speak again. After it I called my Sister to come pick her up and take her home, I waited while my Sister drove up and she picked up my ex and I made my own way home (we don't live together, but I was staying at hers most of the time). When I got home I called my Sister and she told me she had a conversation with my ex about everything and here's what my ex told my Sister.

 

She said; I was a mistake. Any feelings she had towards me will be cauterized after today. She's "done". She won't speak to me ever again. She thinks I'm selfish.

 

I could go on but what is the point? She didn't have one good word to say about me after everything I've done for her. It's hard to make a relationship work when it's one-sided, and I stuck to it because I understood she wasn't there or in a position she used to be in. She's made it clear several times to me that the woman I once knew has gone and been destroyed, and I only realized that she is gone yesterday. I thought she was in there somewhere, hiding herself away until it was safe to come out, but I don't think she is. I'm not going to contact her because she already said she doesn't want to speak to me. I still love her, though, and I probably always will, and I certainly will miss her....the woman I shared those dreams with. I'll respect her wishes, though.

 

I know on here people judge from what someone writes, but I'm asking you guys not to write anything bad about her because she is a fantastic woman and I respect her fully. I'm here to write out my feelings, making this my own personal online diary which I can go back to and read to remind myself to keep strong, and also give advice to others going through heartache.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Chi townD]

Well, there's only three instances where I think she would act this way towards you. She was either raped, had a miscarriage or an abortion.

 

 

All three of those things can cause deep psychological scars. But, in my opinion, you were being protective of her. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. But, she has her own demons to battle. She seriously needs to sit down with a professional and work her issues. BUT! she has to realize that she has a problem. You can't do that for her. The first step in fixing any problem is recognizing that there is one. She can't see the problem and you can point those out until the cows come home, she still won't see them. She has to come to that realization on her own. So, unfortunately, there's nothing you can do.

 

 

Right now, focus on you. Start making positive changes in your life and start NC on her. And that is to include blocking her on ALL social media. And out of anyone I ever tell to do this, I'm seriously stressing this to you. As far as she is concerned, you are the cause of all her problems. She's laying blame all on you as a way to cope. But, once she realizes that you are gone, she is going to start to post VERY hurtful things. Like her kissing other guys or making status updates like, "This guy is so cute! I'm going to take him home for Netflix and chill!!!" Trust me on that one. YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT!!! So, block her on EVERYTHING!!

[Apparition]

Thanks for you reply, Chi. It made sense and I appreciate it. However, I don't have her on any social media websites because I don't have them, neither does she. However, I'd like to say that she isn't that kind of woman to be spiteful, she's 37 and I honestly believe she hates men at this point. Even if she were to meet someone else, I wish her nothing but the best because she deserves to be happy. She's a fantastic woman and deserves love.

 

You're absolutely correct when it comes to her having to deal with her own demons. She doesn't have much of a life, either. She has two parents she takes care of after she comes home from work because they are very poorly. One has cancer, the other has alzheimers. I'm pretty certain I won't hear from her again, anyway, the only contact I have of hers is e-mail and phone number. I have no choice but to go NC.

 

This is day one of NC and it hurts like hell but I'll have to find ways to distract myself.

[lolablue17]

People change after that kind of trauma. You were a victim being there through this process. There isn't anything you can actually do.

 

You may ask yourself every day "What could you do more to help her", but don't feel guilty at any term. You did the best you can, you're her Bf, not her therapist, and even if you were, it not sure that you could have done more.

 

As you witnessed, she is different now, and she might continue to changing for quite a while. It's sad because you have to grieve about her old "her", and about the relationship. Don't be hard on yourself. Try to be strong. Good luck.

[Apparition]

Thanks, Lola.

 

I'm aware that there isn't much I could do at this stage, I just fail to understand why I was being treated like I'm the enemy when really all I was trying to do was be there for her. It sucks that someone else came in and had to destroy what we had.