Teknoe Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Currently talking with a girl online who I think I can safely say is interested in me. I am obviously interested in her. Been exchanging emails for a week now and they're nice and thoughtful emails. You can tell she's interested because she is extending the conversation rather than ending it. She's even opening up new segways the conversation can head toward. The last several crushes only saw me as a guy friend. When I asked them out or confessed my interest, I was met with much resistance, and I fought through it. It's true that when a girl likes you she will make it super easy. All you have to do is walk through the doors she opens. I'm tired of kicking down doors. Why swim against the current? I also realize in looking back, my crushes are not good matches for me. I was simply infatuated with their looks and "our chemistry." It's nice to meet someone you like who likes you back. We'll see where things go with this online lady, but so far so good. It's refreshing to like someone and not have it feel like "hard work." 5
Imajerk17 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 That's awesome man. But it's not really real until you actually meet up *in person*, and you both agree to the second date. 5
RoseVille Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Don't get your hopes up and get to that meeting/date ASAP. Attraction and chemistry is a completely different animal in person. 4
Author Teknoe Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Don't get your hopes up and get to that meeting/date ASAP. Attraction and chemistry is a completely different animal in person. Very true. At the very least, we're connecting emotionally and that should help me whenever the meeting happens. I've never talked THIS MUCH with an online girl before the first date. By the time we have our first date there should be a "mini comfort zone" built in.
jay1983 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Keep your fingers crossed and hope you meet her in person. 1
Author Teknoe Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Keep your fingers crossed and hope you meet her in person. I have no doubt we will. A matter of when, not if.
organizedchaos Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I have no doubt we will. A matter of when, not if. Do it soon or you're just going to end up pen pals. Easy to form a virtual connection.
carhill Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Don't get your hopes up and get to that meeting/date ASAP. Attraction and chemistry is a completely different animal in person. Yep, back when I was online dating 15-20 years ago, things ran, on average, one in ten meets to dating beyond the first date. The most disappointing, until I learned? Those online interactions which went on for a few weeks, building electron intimacy which just fizzled in the pressing flesh phase. Good lesson and perhaps one the OP can keep in mind. 1
ZA Dater Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Mutual attraction, something I find impossible to find, glad you have found it. Enjoy every minute of it!
RoseVille Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I have no doubt we will. A matter of when, not if. So when, then? The longer you talk, the more your hopes will be built, and likely dashed.
Targetlock Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Currently talking with a girl online who I think I can safely say is interested in me. I am obviously interested in her. Been exchanging emails for a week now and they're nice and thoughtful emails. You can tell she's interested because she is extending the conversation rather than ending it. She's even opening up new segways the conversation can head toward. The last several crushes only saw me as a guy friend. When I asked them out or confessed my interest, I was met with much resistance, and I fought through it. It's true that when a girl likes you she will make it super easy. All you have to do is walk through the doors she opens. I'm tired of kicking down doors. Why swim against the current? I also realize in looking back, my crushes are not good matches for me. I was simply infatuated with their looks and "our chemistry." It's nice to meet someone you like who likes you back. We'll see where things go with this online lady, but so far so good. It's refreshing to like someone and not have it feel like "hard work." I've got a similar thing going on at the moment, but until you meet its just talking. you need to see if the connection is in person too, but its all mainly about chemistry and timing. best of luck to you!!
Author Teknoe Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I've got a similar thing going on at the moment, but until you meet its just talking. you need to see if the connection is in person too, but its all mainly about chemistry and timing. best of luck to you!! True. Well, she told me she wants to take things slowly. Said in the past she rushed relationships and so she doesn't want to repeat mistakes. I told her I understand and can do that. So we're just exchanging emails for now. I'm willing to brave it as I think this could be a connection worth investing in. We'll see but right now I'm enjoying the getting to know each other process.
carhill Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Taking things slow in building an intimate relationship can be healthy. Taking things slow in two strangers meeting in person for the first time? Nah, pass. Call me cynical but I smell MW. 1
Popsicle Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Taking things slow in building an intimate relationship can be healthy. Taking things slow in two strangers meeting in person for the first time? Nah, pass. Call me cynical but I smell MW. Or, a man? Congrats on the mutual connection. It's nice to email for a week or two, but no more. At that point, you HAVE to meet face to face, or so many things can go wrong, it's not worth it. Please listen to this advice.
Author Teknoe Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Taking things slow in building an intimate relationship can be healthy. Taking things slow in two strangers meeting in person for the first time? Nah, pass. Call me cynical but I smell MW. What's MW stand for? At any rate, I definitely hear what you're saying, but she has many pictures up, and they're the same girl. I know some may say that means nothing, but I just don't get any alarms that this isn't her. I hear y'all warnings, but... I'm just gonna enjoy and ride this one out. There are a few details I'm leaving out, just because I never know who may read it. All I can say is, this isn't hurting me much taking 30 minutes to reply to her. Right now I got no other bites with anyone else so yeah, I'm not going to ignore her just because of doubts. I have faith that she's legit and that her reasons to wait on meeting up are legit.
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 If you've had a video chat or phone call, you can largely rule out a man, though it's still possible to get tag-teamed by someone playing jokes. MW's (married women) are a bit harder to suss out. Usually they're experts at handling men because, well, they're married and are handling one every day at home. Erstwhile lovers on the internet are like shooting fish in a barrel. Sure, she could be sincere. Think about it though. If you really wanted to get to know someone, why would you put off meeting them for the first time, especially with no logistics in the way. I'd understand if meeting was across the world and travel needed to be arranged but I trust this isn't that kind of meet. One option is to enjoy the interaction, let things go as they do and continue to meet and date other women. Over time, perhaps one will rise to the top and the others will fall away.
Author Teknoe Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 If you've had a video chat or phone call, you can largely rule out a man, though it's still possible to get tag-teamed by someone playing jokes. MW's (married women) are a bit harder to suss out. Usually they're experts at handling men because, well, they're married and are handling one every day at home. Erstwhile lovers on the internet are like shooting fish in a barrel. Sure, she could be sincere. Think about it though. If you really wanted to get to know someone, why would you put off meeting them for the first time, especially with no logistics in the way. I'd understand if meeting was across the world and travel needed to be arranged but I trust this isn't that kind of meet. One option is to enjoy the interaction, let things go as they do and continue to meet and date other women. Over time, perhaps one will rise to the top and the others will fall away. Yeah, +1 to your last paragraph there. I'm not setting all my eggs in her basket as I'm still sending out messages to other girls, but so far no one has hit me back in the past week. Until we become "official," I won't stop reaching out to other girls who catch my eye. But with OLD I feel unless you're making over 80K or a solid 8 (or better) on the look scale, most girls don't bother to hit you back. This one has, and going by her pictures I find her quite attractive. I also love the way she writes, and her messages are very entertaining. As for her being married, I doubt it. She's really quite young. Under 25. Not improbable, but I have no doubt to think she's a married woman who would open an account that costs LOTS of money on a dating website. Pretty confident she's single and that she is who she is in the pictures. I'll add that she is religious, and part of the reason of taking our time is due to some convicted religious beliefs that we should enjoy the process and not rush things on our own will, but His. Sorry didn't mean to make this religious, but that helps to color in some background as part of the reason why she wishes for us to get to know each other slowly through email messages. I'm Christian, and so this is fine with me. Bottom line, I'm going to keep this going until it flops. FTR BTW, she emailed me recently and told me she is definitely interested in meeting me one day, as long as we take things very slowly and keep the process organic and not rush to force things. Her messages are long paragraphs which resonates with me because I love to write and I love women who love to write. So far we're a great match in that regard, and we're finding tons of wacky coincidences. I have a good feeling about this, although I'm still cautiously optimistic. Basically, I'm hopeful, but I wouldn't be crushed or shocked if it somehow doesn't work out (for whatever reason).
Author Teknoe Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 Just a quick update: We're meeting up this weekend! I'm excited, yet cautiously optimistic. I'm hoping we hit it off in real life like we have been in our emails and text messages. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. So far, online dating hasn't been too kind to me. A lot of one time dates or 2nd dates that I already knew going into the 2nd date wasn't going to work (i.e. a lack of interest on my end).
Author Teknoe Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Hey everyone, I've had some clunkers lately, but I met a girl today who I've been talking online with for almost a month. We just met up today. I treated her to lunch and felt we connected pretty well. I'm early 30s M and she's mid 20s F. I texted her after our first date/meeting that I'd like to grab dinner next time. She said it sounds good, but that it will likely come after early October (she is planning her sister's wedding and it's a pretty crazy time for her right now). So I understand and am totally cool with that, but one of my friends is more skeptical wondering "Hey Tek, that's almost a month from now." I mentioned my date did mention she wants to take things slowly, and I can respect that. My friend said "OK but as long as you know what you're getting yourself into." Admittedly, I'm a little rusty though. Is it too soon/serious to email her and ask how she felt about our first date? Is it too needy/a turn off for the ladies if I asked if she sees me in a romantic light? Or if there's potential? Or if we're just friends? Should I ask these things, or should I just meet up with her, have fun, or have fun through texting, keep it light and if she's interested she will clearly let me know kind of thing? I'm a black and white guy who likes to know right away someone's stance. I guess I'm anti-mysterious and that probably hurts me with the ladies quite a bit. Just asking here for feedback on how I should handle this situation going forward. Edited September 7, 2015 by Teknoe
Ami1uwant Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Waiting till October fir a date...unless you are far apart distance-wise her suggesting not till October means you aren't her top priority. ( maybe 2nd or 3rd on her dating list) Piece of advice if you are lose to each other you want to meet each other within 10 days of first conversation.
Jules Dash Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Admittedly, I'm a little rusty though. Is it too soon/serious to email her and ask how she felt about our first date? Is it too needy/a turn off for the ladies if I asked if she sees me in a romantic light? Or if there's potential? Or if we're just friends? . In an ideal world, you can do this but this world ain't ideal so don't do it. It is very awkward, puts the other person on the spot and will make you look a bit insecure. We are left to read between the lines in these sort of situations. Her setting the date so far in the future spells things out pretty clearly. She has low interest in anything romantic with you. She is letting you down easy by setting the date so far into the future. That wedding planning excuse is not the lamest excuse I have ever heard but it's nonetheless lame. 1
joseb Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Admittedly, I'm a little rusty though. Is it too soon/serious to email her and ask how she felt about our first date? Is it too needy/a turn off for the ladies if I asked if she sees me in a romantic light? Or if there's potential? Or if we're just friends? Definitely do not send anything like this! Assume for now that you are of pretty low interest to her. A week until the next date, OK, but a month? She's either letting you down lightly, or else has a few better prospects. Even if she is wedding planning, do you think if she was interested she would not be able to find a spare evening in a month? My advice, write this one off in your head. Go date other girls. If she does come back then great, if not, you haven't wasted a month on a very long shot. 4
seekingluck Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Sounds like she is not that interested. You can send over a parting message like: "I know that wedding planning can be overwhelming, let me know if you want to grab a drink or coffee to unwind in the meanwhile." She could be the sort of person who can only focus on one thing at a time, but I am a busy person, and I'll make time if it is someone I am interested in. There are plenty of meals between now and October.
lino Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) In an ideal world, you can do this but this world ain't ideal so don't do it. It is very awkward, puts the other person on the spot and will make you look a bit insecure. We are left to read between the lines in these sort of situations. Her setting the date so far in the future spells things out pretty clearly. She has low interest in anything romantic with you. She is letting you down easy by setting the date so far into the future. That wedding planning excuse is not the lamest excuse I have ever heard but it's nonetheless lame. Agree with this. A whole month in between dates is something I'd read as either a no or as she's spending time with other guys she likes more than me and I'm just there keeping the bench warm. Edited September 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
DivorcedDad123 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Dont text or email anything. She's busy (so she says), so just back off and keep dating other people. If she's interested, she'll be in touch when things settle down after the wedding. If she doesn't, then you've moved forward and are seeing other people. 2
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