CDude Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Hello, any perspective/advice would be greatly appreciated. I was with my ex for three years. We lived together for two of those years, and were engaged for about a year and a half. Three months before the wedding my ex decided that he didn't feel "connected" and that he didn't want to go through with the wedding. We still lived together for a few months after that, then he decided that he wanted to move to a different state, was really unhappy with his job, and that I should start looking for somewhere to live since our lease was almost up. I moved out at the beginning of the summer. We had a weird summer where we didn't really talk about anything and still hung out on weekends. It didn't really feel like we were hanging out romantically - it was mainly just watching nextflix, playing with the dog, that sort of thing. This week he told me that he found another job several states away and that he's moving in two weeks. He then told me that now being so close to moving has made him realize that he still wants to be with me and that he wants to try long distance and asked if I'd ever move to the state he's moving to. I have so many different emotions going on. I'm so incredibly angry, hurt, and confused...but also now a little bit hopeful, even though I don't want to be. I still love him and wish being together could be easy. There's so much bad history at this point that I know I should just walk away from the relationship, but part of me doesn't want to. Part of me also feels like this is just his way of making his own transition easier, and I don't want to set myself up for even more hurt down the road. Rationally I know that's what I'd be doing, but I can't help loving him. Any advice would be much appreciated.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think you know exactly what you should do, what you must do. I just think you need to, as they say, "put your big girl panties on" and engineer the inevitable. You're a comfort zone. You really want to describe your relationship in 'security blanket' terms?
healingsoul Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I am really sorry you feel so incredibly angry and hurt; I also understand why you feel confused. When I was much younger and in college it was very common for people to move where ever their love interest went. I saw my own sisters travel all over the country following a guy and the relationship would not work out. So when the person I was dating in college decided to change schools and states, I was determined not to get in the same type of non-committal relationship as my sisters and I told this to the guy I was dating. He went home and talked it over with his parents and ended up engaging me, so that we could be married before he moved states. I have been married to my husband (this guy) for 31 years. My point is that many relationships stay in a non-committal mode since people just live together and when I was in college studying relationships I discovered that research shows that people who live together end up getting divorced more frequently than those who do not before they get married. Do you think he is feeling insecure and that is why he is suggesting a long-distance relationship? Do you think that is fair to you? If you feel there is no future with this man, can you let go of a potential long-term dating relationship and simply remain friends, as you have been?
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