Girlfriend doesn't want me apart of her graduation celebration. Did I overact?

[dsean23]

Hello, I've been to the site before & have finally "broke down" to post my dilemma. Sorry for the length, but here it goes (any suggestions/opinions will be greatly appreciated):

 

I met this girl at law school her at the beginning of her last semester. She graduates in a matter of days & I have a year left. When we met our attraction was purely physical. She had just left a relationship of 4-years, I was single for about 6-months from a 4-year engagement. I don't think we expected to fall for each other.

 

I especially didn't think things would work because of her views on children (I have a 3-year old daughter). We went out and had a great time. Great times continued as we started falling for each other. I introduced her to my family, friends, my daughter & after about 3-months we decided to be an exclusive couple.

 

At this point we were surely in love. She was there for me & I for her, she opened her heart and shared with me information she had never told anyone else (family problems). I felt honored that she trusted me with such information. Moreover, I trusted her with my daughter & she took care of her on several occasions. At this point, her views on children had done a complete 180 as we had discussions of potentially marrying and her anticipation of us having children being that our school life was concluding.

 

Around the middle part of month 4 she was dealing with her family problems (parents getting divorced), school requirements, and finals. Her attitude changed, our time together was limited and when we talked it was almost always mundane & sometimes would end in argument. At this point she told me that she didn't want to be committed to me cause of her life stresses. I took this as a shock, although I was frustrated in our relationship, I loved her and she loved me but exterior stresses were getting in the way. I accepted her leaving. However, after about a day she calls me to "see how I'm doing" and we end up talking out our feelings and "falling in love again," however, we vowed to go slowly and not be committed at this time. So why am I writing?...

 

I love this woman and I know she loves me. I can see her in my life and she told me she can see me in hers. However, earlier this week I was inquiring about her graduation and she told me that I was invited, but I wouldn't be her priority cause her family was coming into town & she was unsure of how things would work out with her divorcing parents. In the same conversation she told me how her ex-boyfriend (the 4-year relationship) called and how they had a conversation and apart of the conversation was the topic of potentially rekindling. This really upset me. I was under the assumption that she loved me & only me and that, based on her statement a day before, she loves me and can see us working toward a long-term relationship. She told me not to be upset about this as she loves me.

 

Now, I'm confused. We're not committed so I'm not going to act as if I have any authority to tell her not to talk to anyone, or include me in any of her graduation celebrations. Just last night I asked her if she sees me in her life and she said yes. However. based on the fact that we're not committed, she doesn't feel it is appropriate that we be seen together during the graduation ceremonies, parties, etc. This upsets me. I almost feel like I'm acting like a bi*ch by asking her to include me in HER special time.

 

I told her last night that I was going to leave her alone at this time and for her to leave me alone until she collects herself & feelings and was ready for me. I told her how much I love her, and she told me the same. This was one of the first times I've seen her cry. I know she loves me cause when I told her what I did she couldn't stop hugging me, kissing my face, hands and telling me she loves me. So I left.

 

Today I'm wondering if I over-reacted and was selfish. I've always been in relationship where I was a priority. This is the first where I've been somewhat denied. Again, we're not committed, but I feel cheated on because she's not including me in her life now. Did I over-act or am I over-reacting and analyzing this situation too much?

[Merin]

No you're not over~reacting.

 

IMO she is being a sh*t in not including you in her graduation.. She seems to be giving you a lot of mixed messages and it isn't a wonder you feel confused and upset.

 

The 2 of you had been in an exclusive relationship.. and IMO once your in that type of relationship it is very difficult if not impossible to then shift down from that so to speak... it's kind of like expecting to go from having sex back to holding hands only know what I'm saying?

 

My feeling on it is this... she straight up told you she had a conversation with her EXBF of 4 years.. they had discussed plans for her graduation and they had also discussed getting back together... now there isn't any reason she would've been discussing this with her EXBF if it wasn't an option in her mind and IMO she was giving you a heads up in a really sh*tty way...

 

I think she doesn't want you to be "seen" with her for her celebrations in "that way" as her BF because she has plans for her EX to be around and she has given him the impression that getting back together with him is a good possibility... she doesn't want him to think there is even a hint of someone else in her life...

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.. IMO you did the right thing in telling her you're not down for this, and if or when she wants to talk to you about this she can call you...

 

Because you have a little girl as well that she's met and I'll assume your daughter had gotten kind of close to... if your GF EXGF whatever you call her isn't going to be around... then start to distance your Wee Peep from her.... it hurts kids a lot to get attached then have that person not there any longer....

 

Good Luck

[st8toftheheart]

Funny how I see this happening alot at graduation time.

 

So common that they even make light of it in movies.

 

Who knows looks like she may be leaving her old life behind to start a different one.

 

Sad.