Grumpybutfun Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Communication has always been an issue..and men are way worse than women...so I find this ironic... G
ReadySettyGo Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) My flirt detector often lags if I haven't dated in a while. By the time the signal sinks in (sometimes days later), it's too late and the opportunity is lost. Edited September 8, 2015 by ReadySettyGo
Harradin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Being autistic, I'm terrible at reading body language so I'm terrible at picking up hints from women! Unless the women makes a move on her or a friend tells me she's hitting on me, I don't realize she's flirting! If I was given a pound for everytime I've had this conversation with one of my friends after talking to a girl who was trying to flirt with me, I'd be a millionaire: "Harradin you do realize she was hitting on you right?" "Really? I was talkling to her and she was just nice!" "Harradin dude, go get her!" My last ex told me that she'd been trying to flirt with me for couple of days and I was completely oblivious, she got fed up and made the move on me which is when I realized!
Lois_Griffin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 LOL. I've never had to ambiguously flirt - ever. All I had to do was look at them with a half smile. They'd always make their way right to me. Men are actually pretty easy once you know what you're doing. 2
alphamale Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I have female friends who are always saying they give guys hints they want to start something up but guys don't take the bait. Us guys don't always get it because you're so secretive about it. it depends on the girl. some flirt very openly and some flirt very covertly
Diezel Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 If they're complaining about it...I say let them continue to suffer in silence until they figure out how to flirt better... Bingo. /thread
oberkeat Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) I have female friends who are always saying they give guys hints they want to start something up but guys don't take the bait. Us guys don't always get it because you're so secretive about it. Most women take rejection even harder than us guys do, so they tend to be very very subtle in demonstrating signs of interest. Even guys who do well with women have trouble picking up on these "hints" so don't feel bad if you don't understand them. I've been told that a smile + eye contact means a woman wants you to talk to her, but I really haven't tested that. Edited September 8, 2015 by oberkeat
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Confucious say... Man who piss into wind get wet. Why change what has worked very well since Man and Woman have walked the face of the earth? Club her and drag her back to your cave. You're happy, she is happy and you will actually get to see a naked woman in real life instead of choking your chicken waiting for a 10 to show up at your door and ask you out. Reason why I started my thread on it is because I feel something is wrong with me for not having the hunter, pursuer gene
phineas Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 LOL. I've never had to ambiguously flirt - ever. All I had to do was look at them with a half smile. They'd always make their way right to me. Men are actually pretty easy once you know what you're doing. That used to work when I was younger but now...they gotta at least talk to me first. Here is the deal guys, if you find her attractive and she is paying attention to you get her number. If she turns you down, so what? I used to not know when women were flirting but once i decided it didn't matter and just hit on any woman who engaged me in a non boring manner. Now the one problem I do have is when women friends are interested. No clue. They are friends which means I don't hit on them at all. So when they start staring at me I think I got a bug on my forehead or something in my teeth. I usually don't realize their into me until it is too late and they think I'm gay. Lol 2
Jj66 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It's all about the body language. Once I started paying attention to that instead of what they say I have only misinterpreted dating/sexual interest once. Before that, she'd have to club me over the head (verbally) for me to figure it out for sure.
shet Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I've talked about this extensively with numerous women. The gender roles we're forced into upset me so I find it fascinating the emotional knots and leaps of logic otherwise rational people make to slot themselves into an artificial social structure they don't even have the insight to question. Long and short of it is, the majority of women are scared witless of rejection in any form (pathetically extending even to messages on dating apps/sites, hands up any woman who sent one first or any man who received one), despite the fact quite few have experienced it at any age beyond their mid teens. It's meat and potatoes to men of course, because we're forced to endure it by the gender role, and even otherwise staunchly feminist women want to keep it that way very much. In my opinion it's a deeply upsetting cowardly streak in women's socialisation. They refuse to bear an equal burden in this area. Supposedly there's women out there now who go after what they want; well I've known some go-getting girls and I've never known one who was prepared to make the first move, or the second or third. They count on the man to actually be the one who is clear. So their flirting doesn't really stand up as flirting. Essentially, if you forgive the pun, they don't have the balls to do it firmly and outright. Instead of "Hi I'm XXX, would you like to dance, yes I'm fascinated by 17th century Moroccan weaving I'd love to discuss it over dinner whats your number and when are you free", it's all glances and hair flipping and smiles, and they think they're doing a good job of it. Men can miss it entirely not because we're dumb but because most womens idea of flirting is crap. Compounding this, because they're such weak and ambiguous gestures, some of the same "flirtatious" behaviour can be pretty similar to friendly behaviour for some women. Smiles and laughs and wanting to talk and shoulder punching and complimenting your shoes and texting you they had a fun night after you meet them - flirting or friendly? For some women, either. And men all experience this at some point. And it hardens us against these simplistic "signals", because they aren't reliable indicators. You can only take so many experiences of the time you thought she was into you when she wasn't, before you learn to ignore what made you think she was. The only women I've known who can flirt properly are older, late thirties up. I guess they get a clue by then. Oh, and lesbians. I guess because they experience that gender role BS.
Vercetti Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I've talked about this extensively with numerous women. The gender roles we're forced into upset me so I find it fascinating the emotional knots and leaps of logic otherwise rational people make to slot themselves into an artificial social structure they don't even have the insight to question. Long and short of it is, the majority of women are scared witless of rejection in any form (pathetically extending even to messages on dating apps/sites, hands up any woman who sent one first or any man who received one), despite the fact quite few have experienced it at any age beyond their mid teens. It's meat and potatoes to men of course, because we're forced to endure it by the gender role, and even otherwise staunchly feminist women want to keep it that way very much. In my opinion it's a deeply upsetting cowardly streak in women's socialisation. They refuse to bear an equal burden in this area. Supposedly there's women out there now who go after what they want; well I've known some go-getting girls and I've never known one who was prepared to make the first move, or the second or third. They count on the man to actually be the one who is clear. So their flirting doesn't really stand up as flirting. Essentially, if you forgive the pun, they don't have the balls to do it firmly and outright. Instead of "Hi I'm XXX, would you like to dance, yes I'm fascinated by 17th century Moroccan weaving I'd love to discuss it over dinner whats your number and when are you free", it's all glances and hair flipping and smiles, and they think they're doing a good job of it. Men can miss it entirely not because we're dumb but because most womens idea of flirting is crap. Compounding this, because they're such weak and ambiguous gestures, some of the same "flirtatious" behaviour can be pretty similar to friendly behaviour for some women. Smiles and laughs and wanting to talk and shoulder punching and complimenting your shoes and texting you they had a fun night after you meet them - flirting or friendly? For some women, either. And men all experience this at some point. And it hardens us against these simplistic "signals", because they aren't reliable indicators. You can only take so many experiences of the time you thought she was into you when she wasn't, before you learn to ignore what made you think she was. The only women I've known who can flirt properly are older, late thirties up. I guess they get a clue by then. Oh, and lesbians. I guess because they experience that gender role BS. A smart guy doesn't have to shoot himself in the foot to test the water when flirting / flirting back. No I'm not gonna list examples.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I think it's less about flirting and more about confidence. If you believe a woman you're attracted to feels the same way, you just take action and create your own rapport. It may not always work out in your favor, but fortune favors the bold. It's funny because my GF and I were reminiscing about our first date the other night in bed (we met on OKCupid). She says "I still can't believe you had the balls to kiss me hello. That was pretty presumptuous". So I shake my head and smile at her. She says "What's so funny?" My response - "You're here aren't you?" This of course made her giggle right before we started up again.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Because they want to be subtle
Author singlelife Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 Because they want to be subtle Then they don't want a bf lol.
alphamale Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 It's all about the body language. Once I started paying attention to that instead of what they say I have only misinterpreted dating/sexual interest once. Before that, she'd have to club me over the head (verbally) for me to figure it out for sure. that's about right JJ66, body language never lies
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Then they don't want a bf lol. or they would rather miss out on being with the guy rather than making it very obvious or expressing too much interest
sid3 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I think it's less about flirting and more about confidence. If you believe a woman you're attracted to feels the same way, you just take action and create your own rapport. It may not always work out in your favor, but fortune favors the bold So true, this should be a sticky!
Author singlelife Posted October 18, 2015 Author Posted October 18, 2015 Because they want to be subtle So subtle noone can pick it up. Just give dudes a little more to go by.
seekingluck Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I accidentally stand too close often. My definition of personal space is a lot more liberal than the average american. I realize it later. But I also do it with those I am attracted to.
Author singlelife Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 I accidentally stand too close often. My definition of personal space is a lot more liberal than the average american. I realize it later. But I also do it with those I am attracted to. So you are flirting? Or is this an unconscience thing?
seekingluck Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 So you are flirting? Or is this an unconscience thing? It ends up being both. Sometimes it means I am flirting other times it just means I am comfortable with the person. I also touch to flirt and comfort. If i touch you it could mean i am comfortable, you look upset, or I am flirting. I actually have trained myself to be a lot more conscious of touching because lots of people were reading it as flirting. When I was younger I flirted just to see if it would work. In some cases I wasn't interested. And in reality I don't think I even knew what to do if someone reciprocated my flirt. Now I am more aware and use touch strategically.
marychapman Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I've talked about this extensively with numerous women. The gender roles we're forced into upset me so I find it fascinating the emotional knots and leaps of logic otherwise rational people make to slot themselves into an artificial social structure they don't even have the insight to question. Long and short of it is, the majority of women are scared witless of rejection in any form (pathetically extending even to messages on dating apps/sites, hands up any woman who sent one first or any man who received one), despite the fact quite few have experienced it at any age beyond their mid teens. It's meat and potatoes to men of course, because we're forced to endure it by the gender role, and even otherwise staunchly feminist women want to keep it that way very much. In my opinion it's a deeply upsetting cowardly streak in women's socialisation. They refuse to bear an equal burden in this area. Supposedly there's women out there now who go after what they want; well I've known some go-getting girls and I've never known one who was prepared to make the first move, or the second or third. They count on the man to actually be the one who is clear. So their flirting doesn't really stand up as flirting. Essentially, if you forgive the pun, they don't have the balls to do it firmly and outright. Instead of "Hi I'm XXX, would you like to dance, yes I'm fascinated by 17th century Moroccan weaving I'd love to discuss it over dinner whats your number and when are you free", it's all glances and hair flipping and smiles, and they think they're doing a good job of it. Men can miss it entirely not because we're dumb but because most womens idea of flirting is crap. Compounding this, because they're such weak and ambiguous gestures, some of the same "flirtatious" behaviour can be pretty similar to friendly behaviour for some women. Smiles and laughs and wanting to talk and shoulder punching and complimenting your shoes and texting you they had a fun night after you meet them - flirting or friendly? For some women, either. And men all experience this at some point. And it hardens us against these simplistic "signals", because they aren't reliable indicators. You can only take so many experiences of the time you thought she was into you when she wasn't, before you learn to ignore what made you think she was. The only women I've known who can flirt properly are older, late thirties up. I guess they get a clue by then. Oh, and lesbians. I guess because they experience that gender role BS. I think the thing is that women in general are much more alert about body-language. Im going to sound very stereotypical here now but in my experience, women are much more social-interaction oriented and since they care more about what other people think/feel, they also notice smaller signs/changes in convo and body-language. So when a woman flips her hair in a flirting way, she does it because to her it`s a clear sign and she would notice if someone else did it. There have been many instances when I`m out with female and male friends and we girls always notice if someone is flirting with someone or if some "between the lines" things are going on... the guys are usually totally clueless and go "Huh? Really? I would have never noticed that." 1
LostOnes05 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 In college, a large number of women would come over to hang out with my roommate and I. I didn't think much of it because to me they didn't give off signals that they were attracted to me. I'm really laid back but I watch how people communicate with me, so that I know how to proceed going forward. If the woman has a playful personality, then I know I can joke with her. If she is more serious, then I might share more educational info and cultural happenings with her. Anyway, I came to find out much later that the majority of these women were not stopping by with platonic intentions. Instead, they were actually attracted to me but gave me no signals of being interested. For instance, had they invaded my personal space or asked fairly personal questions I probably would have reacted differently. All beautiful women...I just never saw an overt sign. The one that did show these overt signals was already in a relationship and I wasn't about to step on any toes.
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