crispycritter71 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Had a first date off a CL ad last week, met at a festival. Spent the whole day together and it was the best day ever. She told me she just broke up with a married man after 5 year relationship bc of all the broken promises about divorcing his wife. She said once done with someone, she never goes back. Two days later she told me she talked to and promised the married guy she would go back to him if he followed through with yet another divorce promise. Of course I was devastated,but I have not given up. We went out again the very next weekend all day long 9 absolutely wonderful hours together shopping and talking, then ended up having incredible sex at my place. I normally would not do something like that, but the married guy forced me to decide that waiting might hurt my chances of winning this womans love. We both have an incredible attraction to each other and it was going to happen anyway so I took the lead and it was absolutely amazing... So here I am, head over heals in love with a woman I just met, in my 40's, twice divorced, found the perfect woman, but the future of our relationship depends on whether or not this other man leaves his wife.... She really is the sweetest most beautiful woman in my eyes and I know she has been through a lot of emotional hardships in life, same as I have... But I keep asking myself, am I stupid or what?
Author crispycritter71 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 I wanted to add that the married man has an open relationship with his wife and they see other people and are fine with it. So it is not a cheating and mistress type of thing. She wants commitment, that is why she wants him to divorce his wife.
clam Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Well, she's still cheating on HIM with you! If she'll cheat on him (who she wants to be with) what makes you think she won't cheat on you if she "settles" for you? This is a no-brainer. Move on.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 You need to take off those glasses that are giving you a rosy view of her. She's chasing after a man that is married. She likes unattainable men and enjoys partaking in perpetuating infidelity. You only had two dates and sex, yet you really think she is perfect and the sweetest? Or does a woman that is comfortable with infidelity your idea of perfection and sweetness?
brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 This will be very unhealthy for you. Try to think why you'd want to get involved with someone who has so much baggage, who agreed to date a married man for five years, and who is still hooked by him. Think about it. You may have a pattern of unhealthy relationships as well
wb1988 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Too much baggage, best to move along. Also if someone else had this issue what would be your own advice for him and why not take it yourself? I wanted to add that the married man has an open relationship with his wife and they see other people and are fine with it. So it is not a cheating and mistress type of thing. Common you don't actually believe that BS. Cheating is cheating, and "open relationship" is a contradiction of terms, if a relationship is open then surely it isn't really a relationship. 1
Author crispycritter71 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 I sincerely think she was telling me the truth about everything. After the festival neither of us wanted our day together to end. We went to her house, I met one of her sons, watched a movie, the went for ice cream. She took me to the retirement community she works at and we walked around a lake and held hands and just talked for hours... She told me right away the situation with the married guy had changed but they were not back together until he followed through with his promise. Why would she tell me that if she was lying? She said the married guy knew about me and our date and I had no reason to doubt her.. Anyway, I ended our fling or whatever today. She is free to work things out with the married guy without interference from me. If things end between them (for real this time) and she calls me back to try again, I really doubt I could refuse.. She really is that wonderful to me. I am not holding my breath though.. But a guy has to dream right?
Gary S Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 You should probably move on......she can only love one man at a time, and her heart already belongs to the married man. Danger Will Robinson, danger!
Frank2thepoint Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 If things end between them (for real this time) and she calls me back to try again, I really doubt I could refuse.. She really is that wonderful to me. I am not holding my breath though.. But a guy has to dream right? Things will never end between them. She's been chasing the married guy for 5 years. She will be doing the same thing for another 5. And let's say for some insane chance she does end things with the guy, comes back to you, and you take her back. You can bet in a few months time, the married man will call her, and she will drop you without any hesitation.
OnlyBelieve Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I am sorry that you had experienced two marriages in your life that did not work. I am also glad that you made the big step to move one. Could it be possible that you are ready to be in a committed relationship? Do you desire to be married again but this time in a healthy relationship? Getting to truly know someone, it first begins with building a friendship. Getting to know their character and personality. What are you looking for in your idea person that you would like to spend the rest of your life with? What can you offer? What's your characteristics and personality? What's there's? Can you protect, provide, cherish, love unconditionally and can the other person do the same? You can not get to know someone during two dates. How do they handle conflict when something goes wrong? These things are important to know. I'm wondering if you had a chance to get to know the person that you really are after being divorced twice. What happened in those relationships that will be different in the next? Have you healed from it? I recommend spending time making sure you are really prepared to be in a healthy relationship. Ask yourself why would you think to settle for someone that's involved with a married man and would sleep with someone they met online after two dates. Are you seeking a relationship because you are lonely? When you know your worth and see yourself as a valuable person, you won't settle. I believe you deserve to have someone that you can grow with, that can see you as a valuable person and will do it what it takes for both of you to have a healthy relationship. Begin with building a friendship first, if that does not work, move on from that one. Preserve yourself for your wife. She's out there. Give yourself time to find her but this time, make sure you are fully equipped to have a lasting, fun and healthy relationship. That starts with knowing who you are, being healed from your divorces, acknowledging and accepting why they failed. What did you learn from it? Seeing yourself as valuable. It will make a huge difference and the next one will be different. Blessings,
Siquijor Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I guess you found the "perfect woman" in your two marriages too. You've only known her a week so it's far too early for handing out titles of this magnitude. 1
Tobin Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 You hardly know this woman, and what you DO know is all bad. She's with a married guy, she's been divorced twice, she told you she'd never go back to him -and she did-, you are just a rebound for a confused, dishonest woman who is confused about her feelings. The infatuation you are feeling now is nothing compared to the devastation you will experience if you develop real feelings for this woman. Cut her off now before you waste any more time and experience further pain. Of course you won't take this advice because you think this woman you know 1 wk is your soulmate, but you asked.
sandylee1 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 He'll keep promising and she'll keep going back. She's in love with the guy and your someone she's dating to try and get over him, but her heart is still with him. Even if she comes back to you, she's still hung up on the married guy. Find a woman who is free in every sense and can give you her love freely. There's a ton of available woman out there, she isn't one of them.
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