Red123 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I am approaching 2 years past Dday this month, this month is also filled a lot of A antiversaries. Last year I counted every single one of them and felt horrible reliving every single one. This year is so different, I'm actually shocked at how different I feel. Last year I knew every date and was very aware of the dates approaching. This year I acknowledge that these happened during September, however I would have to really look to remember the exact days and what occurred on them. I feel pretty good about where we are at and his efforts, and mine. Last year I would never have thought that I would be in this place but here I am and I am so happy things have gone this way. It is amazing what time can do, so for those brand new to this, you never know how much healing can take place with time. It doesn't always work that way, but it can. 5
gettingstronger Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Great post- I am so happy for you- September is 'one of those months" for us too- 2.5 years from dday and I am also in a much better place- enjoy! 1
BetrayedH Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Having a truly remorseful wayward spouse is key. On the other side of the coin, being a truly forgiving betrayed spouse is the second key. So, kudos to you for your part in this recovery. And kudos to your H. Glad to see you are both still doing well. You are a quiet but consistent success story. 3
DKT3 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Having a truly remorseful wayward spouse is key. On the other side of the coin, being a truly forgiving betrayed spouse is the second key. So, kudos to you for your part in this recovery. And kudos to your H. Glad to see you are both still doing well. You are a quiet but consistent success story. Oh man does the two go hand and hand. I have a remorseful spouse, but I have really stuggled with forgiving and letting go. 1
Author Red123 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Oh man does the two go hand and hand. I have a remorseful spouse, but I have really stuggled with forgiving and letting go. It's so hard to let it go for sure. It's certainly not gone but it came down to a couple of things that really made me want to. The first is that this is my life and I chose to stay with him, so like other decisions I have made, I knew it wouldn't work if my effort wasn't there so I put my all in to. For the first year and some I was deep in the hurt and shame, but he was consistent in his efforts so I had to up mine. The second is kind of odd but I read something that really spoke to me. I can't quote it but it was along the lines of the worst thing you can do to a person trying to change their lives is to constantly remind them of their past. It was like a lightbulb went on. I thought do you love this man, is he working to his max to fix this? Then all I could think of was do you want happiness or do you want to constantly have this uneven relationship where he is always putting in twice what you are. So that was the start. It got easier as time went on and it has paid off. Don't get me wrong, he needed to put in more effort at first but I chose to stay, meaning I want a life with him, not a prison for us both. We still discuss what's needed in MC but I no longer flood every conversation with the A. Good luck to you DK. It's so hard but I believe if you want it you can have it, it just takes your effort too. I know I'm not perfect but the new things I have seen with myself, the changes I have made, have made me so much happier about who I am.
Author Red123 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 Having a truly remorseful wayward spouse is key. On the other side of the coin, being a truly forgiving betrayed spouse is the second key. So, kudos to you for your part in this recovery. And kudos to your H. Glad to see you are both still doing well. You are a quiet but consistent success story. As usual, thank you for your honest but kind words:) 1
Recommended Posts