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Tinder dates are scheduled but never end up happening


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Posted

Haha, I am attractive. Actually just deleted Tinder today, cuz it got too addicting, I pretty much treated it like a game to play when I was bored, left right right left swiping waiting in lines, in an elevator, etc. So I deleted it. Ha! Will try and meet guys organically now.

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Posted
Haha, I am attractive. Actually just deleted Tinder today, cuz it got too addicting, I pretty much treated it like a game to play when I was bored, left right right left swiping waiting in lines, in an elevator, etc. So I deleted it. Ha! Will try and meet guys organically now.

Good for you. It is fun if you like to look at people or whatever, but not the best dating solution out there by any stretch. After I move to my new city I plan to try to meet woman organically as well.

 

It's not all bad. I am talking to one woman I met on Tinder. She's pretty amazing so far, so I will definitely keep it open.

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Posted

Heh, this sounds like the kind of problems I had with the app. Not quite as many flakes on the day of the date (the actual dates, if they were set up, generally went through), but I found if I chatted too much with them before going to ask them out, they would gradually respond less and less and with less enthusiasm, until they just stopped responding all together, even if they were the ones to initiate the convo or seemed very into it at first. Or sometimes even after a good date if I messaged them too much or too soon afterward they would gradually ignore me.

 

The confusing thing is sometimes I get girls who on their own accord message me a lot in between the set up of a date and the time itself. Not sure what to do in that situation, since I don't want to overchat them but don't want to ignore them either; my one friend said they could be testing me, but I'm thinking some girls actually just like doing that more. But that happens more on things like CoffeeMeetsBagel, where its a tad more serious than Tinder since you only get one match per day. Or Bumble, where the girl has to message you first. The best solution when they're trying to chat in between is likely to respond to them, but not immediately after they send something and keep it short, say you've got to go and do something, etc. and say you look forward to seeing them in person.

Posted

I used to be pretty against Tinder, mainly because last time I tried it a couple years ago I didn't have any nice pics and all I got matched was bots. Trying it again for the last month, I've had quite a positive experience. I won't lie, I swipe right on nearly everyone (maybe one in 20-30 will be just too fat, or have really off putting pics for whatever reason). Fortunately my matches don't, they've picked me out because of my profile. I've had 4 dates from it. They haven't flaked or been catfish. I had one match who vanished for no reason when I asked to meet, who was clearly in it for the ego boost.

 

Just talk a bit, find some common ground, one evening is enough, and ask if they want to meet - make it easy, go to them, have a plan. It's what you're both there for, or supposed to be. And it is silly and it is a game, but everyone on there's playing it.

 

I think the quality of your experience varies a lot by geographical location. I suspect there's a lot of bull**** in cities.

Posted

I've posted this before but met my gf on Tinder about 15 months ago and we're still madly in love with each other.

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Posted
I took the advice and messaged a Tinder girl I had briefly chatted with a few days ago. I asked her how the last few days had gone and replied with what I had been doing.

 

I very quickly asked her to hang out this week for coffee, and she quickly said yes. WHOA. I named three coffee places in town that I visit and let her pick, and told her 12:30 on Wednesday, and she said it sounded great and was looking forward to it. I won't say another word to her until I walk into the coffee shop that afternoon. If she flakes, at least I can get some coffee before heading back to work.

 

I figure that if a woman engages you on Tinder for about a dozen messages, it's time to ask to meet up. I think one of my personal issues is that I grew to know my ex-girlfriend through text messaging, especially when she was on a family vacation, so it's sort of a comfort zone for me when chatting up a woman.

 

AAAAAAND this girl just messaged me to "reschedule." I'm now 1 for 6. She said she bought a new car yesterday and didn't get out of the dealership until late and didn't get any homework done (she is in school for nursing). She asked to reschedule in a week. Funny, both women who wanted to reschedule asked for a date at least a week in the future. We were supposed to meet up in two hours, by the way, and I hadn't spoken to her since I set up the date over the weekend.

 

Interestingly enough, she had posted one of those "Moment" photos on Tinder last week of a selfie making a frowny face, saying "No guys ever talk to me on here!!!" That should have been a hint, I guess.

 

However there is another girl who has been barraging ME with texts to hang out, and we are doing so tonight......I think she actually won't cancel, but we'll see. I have another scheduled Tinder date tomorrow night but yeah, not holding out hope with that one.

 

I'm going to a baseball game with a former co-worker in two weeks as well, so I'm not SOL or deeply saddened or bummed by any of this, I just find it quite interesting how almost all of the women I have made plans with back out or ghost me.

Posted
Haha, I am attractive. Actually just deleted Tinder today, cuz it got too addicting, I pretty much treated it like a game to play when I was bored, left right right left swiping waiting in lines, in an elevator, etc. So I deleted it. Ha! Will try and meet guys organically now.

 

^^^^ this^^^^

I think this may be part of your problem.

 

I just find it quite interesting how almost all of the women I have made plans with back out or ghost me.
Posted

But the thing is though I wouldn't have swiped right if I didn't find the guy attractive. That's one incentive for me to want to meet the guy. And if he messages me and I find him interesting then I'd want to proceed to meeting up in person. I can't stand guys wasting my time by conversing back and forth and never want to meet up, with those I just unmatch right away. So I don't really understand those girls' behavior because once I agree to meet up with someone I always follow through with it, and I also don't say yes to many dates either, I'm pretty selective.

Posted
I can't stand guys wasting my time by conversing back and forth and never want to meet up, with those I just unmatch right away.

 

I bet those guys do want to meet up. It's just they have heard that women need to "get to know them" first before feeling comfortable about meeting up.

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Posted
I bet those guys do want to meet up. It's just they have heard that women need to "get to know them" first before feeling comfortable about meeting up.

 

I guess I am one of those guys. Or was, whatever. I felt that if I moved right to setting up the date, I would be viewed as one of those gross guys who just wants a hookup. Most of my matches have said they don't want that. So I engage in conversation.

 

 

Anyway, you won't believe this, but I'm now 1 for 7. Tonight's girl called me AS I WAS PARKING AT THE BAR WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET and told me she had to go pick up her daughter and couldn't make it. Although she begged me to reschedule for this weekend, which I agreed to. At this point I want to see how she cancels again, as some sort of psychological experiment.

 

I actually started laughing. She promised to text me tonight, but hasn't. I noticed she changed most of her Tinder photos about an hour ago.

 

What the hell is going on? It can't just be a string of bad luck! I'm not saying or doing anything abnormal here, guys. And even if I was, these women don't have to agree to meet with me.

 

As everyone has said, Tinder is so random and superficial that women can just unmatch me. But - and this is 100% the truth - of the 20 or so women I have talked to on Tinder, only ONE has unmatched me. All the others I have unmatched myself if I wasn't feeling it (13 I guess), or made plans with. Plans that end up not happening.

Posted

Ha, to be honest I am not having much faith in people in general nowadays. Even friends think it is okay to just be flakey. They make plans and then leave it up to you to contact them again only for them to respond "oh, the tickets were sold out" or whatever... like, wth, why not contact me once you find that out and let me know.

 

I am getting to the point of not even wanting to bother to meet new people and just focus on myself.

 

Anyway, I hope you have better luck but in general I don't think it is limited to just Tinder (maybe just worse on Tinder).

Posted
I guess I am one of those guys. Or was, whatever. I felt that if I moved right to setting up the date, I would be viewed as one of those gross guys who just wants a hookup. Most of my matches have said they don't want that. So I engage in conversation.

 

 

Anyway, you won't believe this, but I'm now 1 for 7. Tonight's girl called me AS I WAS PARKING AT THE BAR WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET and told me she had to go pick up her daughter and couldn't make it. Although she begged me to reschedule for this weekend, which I agreed to. At this point I want to see how she cancels again, as some sort of psychological experiment.

 

I actually started laughing. She promised to text me tonight, but hasn't. I noticed she changed most of her Tinder photos about an hour ago.

 

What the hell is going on? It can't just be a string of bad luck! I'm not saying or doing anything abnormal here, guys. And even if I was, these women don't have to agree to meet with me.

 

As everyone has said, Tinder is so random and superficial that women can just unmatch me. But - and this is 100% the truth - of the 20 or so women I have talked to on Tinder, only ONE has unmatched me. All the others I have unmatched myself if I wasn't feeling it (13 I guess), or made plans with. Plans that end up not happening.

 

Yeah i too cant just right up say "want to meet up" feels too creepy. But you kind of have to ask pretty quickly or they seem to lose intererest.

 

Wow i realy cant believe all the flakes.it doesnt sound like you are doing a lot wrong really.itjust seems likea really.bad run. Did she explain why she suddenly had to pick her daughter up? It may be legit

Posted

The excuses are never legit. Never. People who are actually busy, have become very good at scheduling their time, and believe strongly in planning ahead. Only people who aren't busy lie and concoct excuses why they're flaking, because only people who aren't busy flake - which is half the reason why they're not busy, and why they're single (if they really are) - they aren't making their life work for them, they aren't fully formed adults.

 

You say you've unmatched a lot who you weren't "feeling" it with. I'd start there if you want to examine why the women you do "feel it" about flake on you. After that, I'd consider expanding your search parameters - away from your location, wider age range (younger included, I've had good, repeating dates with women 10+ years my junior, if they want to swipe me I won't complain).

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Posted

I thought I'd update on this:

 

I actually went on a date with a Tinder woman on Thursday. We made the plans, she went out of town for a week, and messaged me the night before to confirm we were still meeting up. I won't see her again (sort of bland all around, we didn't click) but hey, a success!

 

The girl who called me as I was pulling into the bar on Wednesday and begged to reschedule? She texted me this morning saying she has met someone and was pulling the plug. I sort of figured because she became distant with texting me after cancelling before. Was she telling the truth when she had to "go pick up (her) daughter?" Who knows. The fact that the DAY WE MET on Tinder she brought her daughter to the movie I was seeing with friends told me she was desperate for a man.

 

But HEY, she did what I have wanted and the opposite of why I started this topic - she told me straight up that she wasn't going to continue pursuing me, rather than ghosting me.

 

I've said it, jam.over.jelly said it, and most of YOU have also said it - with Tinder you are talking to multiple people at once. It's not exclusive and can end at any time. The woman who backed out on me this morning? She made me think that I was perfection for a week, but all along she was seeing someone else. I find that a bit scary actually. And the fact that she was bringing her daughter to meet me six hours after messaging me on a mobile app - desperate much?

 

But I think back to the actual date I ACTUALLY went on Thursday evening. I was okay with the woman. But as the time approached, I had this anxious feeling - wait, I'm actually going to meet this woman! I had a selfish feeling - I just wanted to go home and watch movies. During the date, I was watching the Patriots/Steelers game out of the corner of my eye. I left the bar eager to get home and quickly forgot about the woman.

 

I wonder if the women who ghosted me had that same feeling? Or maybe they are like this most recent woman, and have someone else and don't want to pursue me? Well, at least the woman today was nice enough to tell me.

 

I have ONE more date set up for this Thursday (with a woman who "rescheduled" on me last week, so I'm not optimistic) but other than that, I think I'm done on Tinder, and maybe OLD in general.

 

I'm on a dating forum on a website named LoveShack, but I want to say that I am not desperate for a relationship. My last actual relationship ended eight months ago, and I'm fine with being alone for a while. But dammit if Tinder didn't make me feel like it was possible for a bit. But now I realize that it was too easy, and the fallout from it all (2 for 8 success rate) shows the actual truth, that it's superficial and silly to trust an iPhone app where you meet people by swiping photos.

Posted

All I can say about Tinder is tread lightly. DOn't have expectations about it, you won't be disappointed. If you meet up w someone, great, if not, there's always the next one one click away, til you meet someone you click with. I was in the situation where I met guys and couldn't wait to leave the date. Usually I would send them a text and thank them for their time, but i didn't want to pursue anything further. And one guy actually texted me back "Too bad, I could have 'effed' you good too". Man, I could tell right away his intentions just by chatting w him. Anyhow, I wouldn't delete Tinder just yet, just tread it lightly. The more people you meet, the better chances of meeting that one person that you have a connection with. For me, I have met about 11 guys before I found someone I clicked with.

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