siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I looked up 'soulmate' and found on (the mind unleashed) a description of a soulmate - and that is exactly how I would describe the feeling I have had since my ONS three weeks ago. It is not something that has ever happened to me in my life before. It is so difficult for me to accept he doesn't feel the same. I am curious if anybody else has had this experience? If there is some evidence that 'soulmates' actually exist. I never believed in it - nor did I ever expect to feel like this... (I'm 41)! Would there be an evolutionary reason for having a feeling like this? Surely that is all it really is - a feeling? Just because I feel it doesn't mean it's real?
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I looked up 'soulmate' and found on (the mind unleashed) a description of a soulmate - and that is exactly how I would describe the feeling I have had since my ONS three weeks ago. It is not something that has ever happened to me in my life before. It is so difficult for me to accept he doesn't feel the same. There it is: the reason why 'soulmates' don't exist... I am curious if anybody else has had this experience? If there is some evidence that 'soulmates' actually exist. I never believed in it - nor did I ever expect to feel like this... (I'm 41)! A 'soulmate' is the mate you are solely with at the time. I think it should read 'sole-mate'. It means being faithful.... but the 'soul' has nothing to do with it... Would there be an evolutionary reason for having a feeling like this? Surely that is all it really is - a feeling? Just because I feel it doesn't mean it's real? Evolutionary? No.... good grief, it's not a biological cellular process, it's purely an excessive emotional response. What you feel may be real, but it ain't 'soulmate' stuff.... 4
carhill Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 The evolutionary reason is continuing the species. Most organisms have this basic programming. Since we're 'conscious', we add stuff, like soulmates. When I was young I believed. Growing older, I came to understand what belief was, essentially a cocktail of chemicals in a very complex electro-chemical machine that is hard-wired at a basic level to replicate itself. Now, when such stimulation of the machine comes my way, I smile because, well, it's letting me know I'm alive and that has value at my age. Now, if I believe in anything, it's that some people have a strong sense of commitment and conscious exhibitions of bonding to particular people, for as long as they do. Sometimes that's until death. Sometimes not. It's all unknown and unpredictable. It's life. 6
trippi1432 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Carhill - I think that is a good assessment, perhaps akin to the bonding and even good chemistry between two individuals. Sometimes it last, sometimes it doesn't...but good experience and shouldn't be something dismissed in learning about oneself. 2
Author siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Excessive emotional response? That sounds accurate and scary. I thought I was in good shape emotionally - but apparently not!
Redhead14 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I looked up 'soulmate' and found on (the mind unleashed) a description of a soulmate - and that is exactly how I would describe the feeling I have had since my ONS three weeks ago. It is not something that has ever happened to me in my life before. It is so difficult for me to accept he doesn't feel the same. I am curious if anybody else has had this experience? If there is some evidence that 'soulmates' actually exist. I never believed in it - nor did I ever expect to feel like this... (I'm 41)! Would there be an evolutionary reason for having a feeling like this? Surely that is all it really is - a feeling? Just because I feel it doesn't mean it's real? Siriusp, you have been obsessing over that guy. You built him up in your head. You did not spend enough time with this guy to know if he is or isn't your soulmate. And, the evidence is that he isn't. You are "in love" with the idea of this man, what you envision things would be like with him. As to whether or not there are soulmates for people, thats hard to say. I personally don't believe in that. The reason I say that is, that I was married for 30 years and never thought I would love another man like that again. However, after the divorce and a few years later, I fell in love with another man and was engaged to him and i felt that I would never love another man the way I loved him. He passed away before we married. I moved on from that for a year or so and now I find myself loving again. Each man brought different things to the relationships. They were special in their own ways and yet they were right for me. I was/am happy. Even though my husband and I divorced, we are still very good friends and are there fir one another in emergencies, etc. There isn't just one "the one". 2
clam Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I never believed in the "soulmate" thing either. Until I met mine. Nearly 5 years later, and the attraction is still as intense (for both of us) as it was in the beginning. I am 50, he is 54, both healthy and fit. We truly enjoy every aspect of our relationship and both of us agree--neither of us has ever felt anything like this before. If anything ever happens where we are no longer together, I can honestly say I would have no interest in dating or looking for a new partner. I could never replicate this with another person. So it would be me and my dogs, and a whole lot of traveling . 2
autumnnight Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I am not a believer in "soulmates." However, if such a thing does exist, I believe they are made over time, not like some lightning bolt. 3
carhill Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Here's an excerpt from one of my writings which describes a bit of 'belief'. "My next significant experience is one which is still with me today, in reality, as I type this. I am currently visiting this person and her children a country away from where we both live. Today is "zoo" day, a first for her only granddaughter. Anyway, back in time.... I was 25, my dad had just died of cancer a few months prior, and I was starting to get my work and personal legs back. At the time, I was working at a machine shop and had purchased my first home about a year prior. In all ways, just a normal day in a usual life for me. One of our customers called and said they were sending over a job for me to look at and gave me the name of the parts person who would be bringing it. I was working away at a lathe and happened to look up as someone walked through the shop door. What happened next was what would become a unique and defining experience for me. When our eyes first met, I saw this sort of glow around her and the room slowly began to rotate (in my mind, of course) and about all I could choke out was "you're XXX" and, strangely, that was all I heard from her. We just kind of stared at each other, something we still do to this day, and events beyond that became sort of cloudy to remember." Time elapsed between events depicted, nearly 25 years. To put it in other terms, when we first met, her daughter was barely older than the granddaughter. Back then, though, when young, I believed. 25 years later, I recognized the attraction for what it was, part the chemical mating dance and part emotional memory of the past. Perhaps the latter part has some traction for those who have healthy committed relationships for life. The bonds and chemical 'soul mating' of the past pay forward into a future of feeling like there is no other for them. I saw that a lot at the nursing home while caregiving, where spouses would daily dote on a spouse who didn't even know who they were anymore. They believed. For them, it worked. 2
Author siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 In the article that I read - it said that a soul mate need not be a romantic partner.... It can be anybody. When I met this guy - the connection was immediate. I did not look at him in a sexual/romantic way at first. I enjoyed talking with him so much that suddenly twenty hours had passed. I then had an attraction and inside I thought to myself 'don't sleep with him - you might ruin everything'. The sex was so intense - I had no hope after that. My brain exploded and I have not been able to remove him from my mind since. It is very annoying. I feel so sad that he doesn't feel the same - despite what he says - his actions speak volumes. I still want to be friends with him - even if there is no relationship - I don't want to miss someone like that in my life. Why are my emotions going so crazy? Why am I having such a strong reaction? There must be something lacking in me? It is so strange because recently I have felt better than ever..?!
Redhead14 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 In the article that I read - it said that a soul mate need not be a romantic partner.... It can be anybody. When I met this guy - the connection was immediate. I did not look at him in a sexual/romantic way at first. I enjoyed talking with him so much that suddenly twenty hours had passed. I then had an attraction and inside I thought to myself 'don't sleep with him - you might ruin everything'. The sex was so intense - I had no hope after that. My brain exploded and I have not been able to remove him from my mind since. It is very annoying. I feel so sad that he doesn't feel the same - despite what he says - his actions speak volumes. I still want to be friends with him - even if there is no relationship - I don't want to miss someone like that in my life. Why are my emotions going so crazy? Why am I having such a strong reaction? There must be something lacking in me? It is so strange because recently I have felt better than ever..?! Siriusp, I understand what you going through. But you must find something distract yourself. Anything, buy some new clothes, do a project. Force yourself. Is it possible that you may be starting menopause. You say you are 41 I think. You may be peri menopausal. Just starting the process. Its may be a little early, but not uncommon. Perhaps a visit to ob-gyn? If you don't typically go through this kind of emotional turmoil and your esteem etc is otherwise in tact, out of control emotions are sometimes caused by a physical/hormonal issue.
Ami1uwant Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 If we are defining soul mates as two people who are a perfect match for each other snd get along with everything, have no fights, and everything is great then yes soul mates do exist. Are soul mates based on the first few dates or less...no. Are you searching for that soulmate--good luck--likely will never happen. In most relationships it's about go promising where there will be something bout the other you dont like ..you learn yo accept them with their faults.
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 It's dopamine that's all it is, and with you reliving the intense moments in your head in day dreams, the dopamine keeps being released. In order for it to stop is to walk away and start the process of rehabilitation, and for get about them. Dopamine is what is released when you do heroin, and other drugs. You become addicted, or what others say "obsessed". When you don't get that hit, like them texting you, seeing you, sleeping with you, it hurts like a withdrawal from drugs. You keep chasing the dragon as they say, to keep that high that they give you. 1
Author siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Siriusp, I understand what you going through. But you must find something distract yourself. Anything, buy some new clothes, do a project. Force yourself. Is it possible that you may be starting menopause. You say you are 41 I think. You may be peri menopausal. Just starting the process. Its may be a little early, but not uncommon. Perhaps a visit to ob-gyn? If you don't typically go through this kind of emotional turmoil and your esteem etc is otherwise in tact, out of control emotions are sometimes caused by a physical/hormonal issue. That is so funny that you wrote that. I have an appointment with the ob/gyn this week. I have had some tests done and they told me I need to come back for a 'talk'........ It would certainly explain this roller-coaster of emotions. Because I don't believe in soulmates.... but I am experiencing the 'feeling' of having one! 1
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think soulmates is just a name for a relationship that has both partners that are equally on the same page, same opinions, same views, same likes, dislikes, same beliefs, same backgrounds, same experiences, etc. This would lead into a peaceful, loving, caring, most trouble free relationship. 1
Author siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 It's dopamine that's all it is, and with you reliving the intense moments in your head in day dreams, the dopamine keeps being released. In order for it to stop is to walk away and start the process of rehabilitation, and for get about them. Dopamine is what is released when you do heroin, and other drugs. You become addicted, or what others say "obsessed". When you don't get that hit, like them texting you, seeing you, sleeping with you, it hurts like a withdrawal from drugs. You keep chasing the dragon as they say, to keep that high that they give you. LOL!... yes... it is like that. I have been feeling like I am on some kind of drug and that I am hopelessly hooked. I can't seem to focus on anything else and it's driving me crazy.... (and possibly other people too)! 1
writergal Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think soul mates is an online dating marketing scam that started with religion (Adam and Eve being soul mates according to the Bible). I don't believe that 1 person is meant for you. I think it boils down to chemistry. I think love and attraction is chemically based at its core, and everything else is just a bonus. The more attracted you are to someone, the more likely its because your chemistry is compatible. I love watching romantic comedy movies but they do society a disservice by promoting the myth of soul mates. 2
Redhead14 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 That is so funny that you wrote that. I have an appointment with the ob/gyn this week. I have had some tests done and they told me I need to come back for a 'talk'........ It would certainly explain this roller-coaster of emotions. Because I don't believe in soulmates.... but I am experiencing the 'feeling' of having one! . See what they have to say. 1
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I looked up 'soulmate' and found on (the mind unleashed) a description of a soulmate - and that is exactly how I would describe the feeling I have had since my ONS three weeks ago. It is not something that has ever happened to me in my life before. It is so difficult for me to accept he doesn't feel the same. I am curious if anybody else has had this experience? If there is some evidence that 'soulmates' actually exist. I never believed in it - nor did I ever expect to feel like this... (I'm 41)! Would there be an evolutionary reason for having a feeling like this? Surely that is all it really is - a feeling? Just because I feel it doesn't mean it's real? What you describe is intense infatuation. Infatuation makes you brain explode, and you lose control over your emotions. 1
superdub Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think the idea of "soulmates" is heavily misconstrued. My friends are constantly talking junk about the idea. I kiddingly call it "sole mates" now. Meaning, someone you'd want to walk with, beside whatever... I think it's just a reflection of a monogamous desire to find a "partner" or compatible person that you want to spend your life with. It's an idea. It's not some scientific formula. And like someone said up above, it's the chemicals that get going because you met someone awesome. That's my two cents. Wanted or not. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think, by definition, the feeling needs to be mutual for you to call it a soulmate connection. "-mate" and "connection" words mean "it takes two". 2
Author siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 It may sound crazy - and it probably is..............but I've decided to not contact him. I have also decided to wait two weeks before deleting his number and contact details. Maybe he will contact me again. I would really have like the chance to get to know him and see if he is the person I think he is..... He obviously doesn't want to talk to me now. For whatever reason. I have to accept that. It is not so bad to live in hope for two weeks or should I really move on as fast as possible?
superdub Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think, by definition, the feeling needs to be mutual for you to call it a soulmate connection. "-mate" and "connection" words mean "it takes two". Yeah. I hadn't realized that needed to be expressed, I guess. That would definitely not be anything mate-ish if it's just one person. That would be all sorts of awkward. 1
Author siriusp Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 I think, by definition, the feeling needs to be mutual for you to call it a soulmate connection. "-mate" and "connection" words mean "it takes two". Yes.... and when he writes to me - he makes it sound like the feeling is mutual. However then there is no contact!!
Redhead14 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 It may sound crazy - and it probably is..............but I've decided to not contact him. I have also decided to wait two weeks before deleting his number and contact details. Maybe he will contact me again. I would really have like the chance to get to know him and see if he is the person I think he is..... He obviously doesn't want to talk to me now. For whatever reason. I have to accept that. It is not so bad to live in hope for two weeks or should I really move on as fast as possible? Look what you have been puttong yourself through for 3 weeks already! Move on. If he takes a total of 5 weeks to contact you again, how can you be able to trust him not to disappear again? You will be on pins and needles all the time if you do see him again. 3
Recommended Posts