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first dream about the ex


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Posted

Hello LS,

 

Its been a while since I've posted or even been here. Its been about 3 weeks no contact. First 2 weeks I was miserable, but this 3rd I've started talking to various women on several OLD's. Nothing romantic yet, but its a good ego boost. I've been going out and enjoying the end of summer, and really enjoying life single.

 

It still hurts when I think about her, but its not crippling anymore. Well, it wasn't until last night dream.

 

I was out, and when I came home her and my mother were sitting on the couch where she had gifts for me from our first real date. I didn't accept the gifts. I didn't want to talk but she convinced me to hear her out. So I did, she said everything I wanted her to say, it was so heartfelt. But I told her I couldn't be with her, I could never trust her that she wouldn't leave again ( trying to make you all proud), but she said everything I needed to hear and we cried together and hugged so tight I can still feel it.

 

That's were I woke the happiest I've ever been for one brief second before reality came crashing down. The heavyness in the chest and the knots in the stomach, everything I've came so far from, are all right back from day one. From what I've read this probably won't be the last time. Now I'm back to wondering what I want and don't want. I will never break NC, but this hope I have won't die.

Posted

Dreams are the worst mate, they will fade.. I started to have really vivid dreams of me and her together, then it changed to me pushing her away when she was trying to get me back...

 

I guess it's your subconscious protecting you, stay strong mate!

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Posted

Now I'm back to wondering what I want and don't want. I will never break NC, but this hope I have won't die.

 

It is perfectly understandable that you are unsure what you want. That is to be expected for the first few months. That is one reason why I would advise you to stay far away from OLD. Don't go rushing back in hope of a quick fix to your empty feelings. Time will fill them.

 

Time will also kill that hope. It sounds cruel to say, but there are any number of ways. Maybe you hope she contacts you for Christmas... but she doesn't. Or you eventually become aware that she is with someone else.

 

Either way, the dreams suck, but their frequency decreases.

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