Otter2569 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I am back to OLD after a 1.5 year break. What is the general protocol before asking to meet someone? Is it a few days chatting on the OLD site, a few days texting once you exchange personal numbers and a few phone conversations? The reason I ask is that I am about 0 for 5 right now. My process was a few days chatting on OLD site then offering to meet for drinks. Seems reasonable but I am a more face to face kind of person. I know there is no set formula for this kind of stuff but I wasnt expecting to strike out so much especially when some of these women are contacting me.
Yummm Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 For a girl that i'm genuinely interested in, i'll get chatting to her on OLD, if she reciprocates, after a few exchanges i'll ask to get her number. If that works, i'll keep in contact for a few days, finding out a little about them. If that continues to go well, i'll give them a call to organize the date. If I get along with them on the phone, it makes me feel alot more comfortable going on a date with them.
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I know there is no set formula for this kind of stuff but I wasnt expecting to strike out so much especially when some of these women are contacting me. You have to remember for every one woman there's like 200 guys. It's kind of a "strike while the iron's hot" sorta thing. These OLD gals can lose interest pretty fast. Especially when there are 10 other dudes competing for the same prize. The thing I found in my experience are women I did eventually get to take out weren't in it for my winning personality. Unfortunately, it was only my physical traits that reeled them in. *shrug*, Goes with the territory. 1
Yummm Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 You have to remember for every one woman there's like 200 guys. It's kind of a "strike while the iron's hot" sorta thing. These OLD gals can lose interest pretty fast. Especially when there are 10 other dudes competing for the same prize. The thing I found in my experience are women I did eventually get to take out weren't in it for my winning personality. Unfortunately, it was only my physical traits that reeled them in. *shrug*, Goes with the territory. I agree, I find OLD to be pretty brutal. But hey, there's no harm in going on dates. It builds confidence, you meet new people, see different personality traits that you like/don't like and overall it's a positive experience. It also gives you an opportunity to meet people you probably wouldn't bump into in day to day life. I've been on about 8 dates from OLD in the past 2 weeks (yes I know, it's excessive haha) and after 6 bad dates I have found 2 good ones that I will see again this week. Keep plowing through! 2
Author Otter2569 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Its definitely a mixed bag and the guy / girl ratio is not in a mans favor. I am working a few possibilities but was surprised when a few dropped after having some really good conversation. I usually follow up once and let it drop if I get no response or a lukewarm response. There is one woman I am talking with off line (texting and 2.5 hour phone conversation). I swear I asked 5 times for a date and never really get a direct response so I've pulled back. She keeps coming around so I have not thrown it out...I am also not going to ask anymore. PS we both have our kids this weekend so that is a factor but I'm talking about an hour or two to meet over drinks not a marathon date
Lois_Griffin Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 OLD is a lot different for guys than women. If you spend a week 'chatting' back and forth through the messaging system, I think you're just giving her more time to have her head turned by someone else. While you may not be getting 25-100 messages a day, she probably IS and while you're writing messages about what bands you like and where you went to school, other guys are asking for her number and/or arranging to meet her for a drink or coffee. After maybe two at the MOST written messages, get her number and call her. Don't engage in silly texting which gets you nowhere and isn't any different or more personal than the messaging inside the dating site. CALL her and interact with her on a personal level, and suggest a night that week to meet for coffee or a drink or ice cream or whatever is good in your situation. I keep reading all the time about guys who thought they had a good prospect on the hook and then she just kind of vanished. It's because they were wasting their time being 'pen pals' with her while someone else was actually taking the initiative to meet her in person. Don't be that pen pal guy. 2
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I agree, I find OLD to be pretty brutal. But hey, there's no harm in going on dates. It builds confidence, you meet new people, see different personality traits that you like/don't like and overall it's a positive experience. It also gives you an opportunity to meet people you probably wouldn't bump into in day to day life. Hehe, funny that's exactly how I feel about it. Go with the flow. Even if the date was a disaster, there's still something to gain from it. You're spot on.
Author Otter2569 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Yumm, that **** gets expensive but its an investment. I think its a risk you have to take. In the past i have done well on OLD so will hang in there. As someone once told me "Its all about managing your expectations". 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 After maybe two at the MOST written messages, get her number and call her. Don't engage in silly texting which gets you nowhere and isn't any different or more personal than the messaging inside the dating site. ^This is excellent advice, Strike while the irons hot. 1
Yummm Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 OLD is a lot different for guys than women. While you may not be getting 25-100 messages a day, she probably IS and while you're writing messages about what bands you like and where you went to school, other guys are asking for her number and/or arranging to meet her for a drink or coffee. Don't be that pen pal guy. ^^^ and this is a perfect example why OLD is brutal Yeah, it has been pretty expensive. But I'm pretty inexperienced with dating in general and it has been a positive experience for me overall. Managing expectations is the hardest part. Even I have fallen under that trap recently (stupidly spoke to someone lovely for 2 months before meeting them, expectations were waaaay too high and led to complete disappointment). As Lois and Gus said, we can limit expectations by pushing for the date before we invest into getting to know them much 1
Author Otter2569 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Great advise Gus & Yumm! I rely too heavily on the texting because its convenient and easy. Got to break that bad habit. Theres woman I just started chatting with, exchanged numbers and texted throughout the day yesterday...seems to have real momentum. Time for the phone call! 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Great advise Gus & Yumm! I rely too heavily on the texting because its convenient and easy. Got to break that bad habit. You're not alone, I was the same way. I'd be having this nice convo with a woman, suddenly dead air. Every single time. Then I thought about it and realized exactly what Lois stated above. You almost have to think of it like a job interview, you have to convince the person hiring you that YOU are the one they want, not those 20 other applicants. You are it, tell those other bozos to pack it up and go home. Yes, it's a new day. It's the age of short attention spans and have it now! Dating is no different. Let us know how it goes for you.
Jules Dash Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 With OLD, flow and momentum is very important. As said above "striking while the iron is hot" is the way to go. With OLD, women want you to ask them out. Don't get into the habit of back and forth messaging/texting. Usually I send about 2-3 messages to build a bit of rapport and make them feel comfortable. By that time, usually one of us willjust post our numbers at the end of our message. It is also common for women to just give me their number at the end of the first message and I would call the following day or so. During the first call, I set up the date for sometime within the next few days and it is usually for coffee so if there is no chemistry, it won't take up your whole morning. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 You're not alone, I was the same way. I'd be having this nice convo with a woman, suddenly dead air. Every single time. Then I thought about it and realized exactly what Lois stated above. You almost have to think of it like a job interview, you have to convince the person hiring you that YOU are the one they want, not those 20 other applicants. You are it, tell those other bozos to pack it up and go home. Yes, it's a new day. It's the age of short attention spans and have it now! Dating is no different. Let us know how it goes for you. Yes, with OLD it is easy to get caught up in having too many options. It is easy to bd tempted to just keep moving and always have a fresh interaction. That can become the appeal rather easily than actually building something of substance with one particular person. With OLD, it has never been more important to building a rapport with someone quickly. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Was chatting with one woman the last few days who was very flirty yet never followed through beyond that. Shes contacted me several times but it's the same MO. This morning I sent her my#. Her reply was "should I or shouldn't I?" Obviously I suspect she is a game player so I replied "If you already have a man that is passionate, fun, makes you feel like a woman and melts you with his kiss then you shouldnt" then I dropped off. Personally, I thought that was rather brilliant 2
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I have got to tell you Otter that you need to get in there. If you are exchanging messages and its going well don't wait a couple of days etc - ask her out! Get that girls number and go meet her. As a woman I can't stand fannying around (In UK that means dithering not shaking you behind). I know some will be daunted and it will scare off some but I have got to question how serious they really are. I know some are just really shy but if you are more get up and go is that going to work in the long term??? If its slower, just one or two messages a day that is fine you can leave it a bit but you have got to get in there and fast. I like what you did with that woman. You have challenged her and played her at her own game. Ball is in her court. Good on you! I have done it, sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't. Last one didn't and hasn't logged on since so I am guessing I scared the bejesus outta that one!!! 2
Author Otter2569 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Posted September 8, 2015 I heard back from the game payer. She says she didn't understand my message and wanted to know if she should leave me alone. When I explained it she said that was weird. NEXT!
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I am back to OLD after a 1.5 year break. What is the general protocol before asking to meet someone? Is it a few days chatting on the OLD site, a few days texting once you exchange personal numbers and a few phone conversations? The reason I ask is that I am about 0 for 5 right now. My process was a few days chatting on OLD site then offering to meet for drinks. Seems reasonable but I am a more face to face kind of person. I know there is no set formula for this kind of stuff but I wasnt expecting to strike out so much especially when some of these women are contacting me. I typically avoid women that won't agree to talking on the phone, which means her giving out her #, some are under the impression you should meet face-to-face BEFORE she gives you her #. I'm about actually hearing their voice before meeting and feel it a bit shady if they don't want to talk on the phone. Chances are the husband is in the room with her or something. I typically keep an eye out for buzzwords in a profile where a woman says, "I am not looking for an online pen-pal, and prefer to meeting face-to-face!" She's a keeper. LOL I even mention this in my opening paragraph to such a woman, that way it's kind of an icebreaker to poke fun at those who tend to let the online thing linger.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Online is a tool for you to make contact and jump to meeting. It's not a tool to get to know someone or build a rapport with someone. A man that would chat me for days would be quickly friend zoned and put in subsection 'insecure'. And you know how us women don't like insecure men. I am experiencing this at this time. This 1 man has been chatting me up for about 7 days and no mention of meeting yet. Last night some dude contacted me withing 10 minutes he asked my number to chat on the phone and while on the phone he set up a meeting date. Man 1 is left behind in the dust.
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Online is a tool for you to make contact and jump to meeting. It's not a tool to get to know someone or build a rapport with someone. A man that would chat me for days would be quickly friend zoned and put in subsection 'insecure'. And you know how us women don't like insecure men. I am experiencing this at this time. This 1 man has been chatting me up for about 7 days and no mention of meeting yet. Last night some dude contacted me withing 10 minutes he asked my number to chat on the phone and while on the phone he set up a meeting date. Man 1 is left behind in the dust. You're in the minority, but I like your attitude on this. I sometimes would get a lot of women online that would say, "Let's chat a while before meeting" or "I need to talk some more before meeting" Those wind up in the "I will never plan on meeting this person at all" pile. Their argument is the lame, "A girl can never be too safe" line.
Maggie4 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I typically avoid women that won't agree to talking on the phone, which means her giving out her #, some are under the impression you should meet face-to-face BEFORE she gives you her #. I'm about actually hearing their voice before meeting and feel it a bit shady if they don't want to talk on the phone. Chances are the husband is in the room with her or something. Ha ha I am one of those people who won't give out phone number before meeting. It's for safety. Once I give out my number (identity) I may be stalked. Meeting in a public place for coffee is safer. And if the conversation or attraction isn't happening, he need not know who I am. I'm willing to exchange a few emails, but that tends to fade out after a while. It's best to meet asap, unless you live far apart. That's how I do it :-)
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