Caslina Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Hello, I'm going through the process of letting go my exbf but I'm not sure if my decision is right. We started dating and being in a relationship for a year now. When I felt it has become a serious relationship, I told him beforehand that I can only marry someone of my own religion (I'm not religious or anything) He didn't react. I had to say it twice. He went back to his home country for a month which we kept contact and he came back and just resumed the relationship like nothing changed. It makes me feel experated and like he is ignoring an important piece. So I started to ignore and refuse to meet him for 3 weeks.Then, I felt I miss him too and we arranged to meet. He said we dont have to have a serious relationship. I thought becouse he wants to figure things out and get a job first so i said ok. We met and slept twice but didnt talk about where our relationship is going so it was a bit awkward. Then 4 days after we last met and made love. He told me he started to date another girl and he wants to be fair to both of us and wants to stop sleeping with me but wants to stay in contact and meet outside in the city. I felt so betrayed and used. He has made a decision not to be with me and I said ok but part of me can't forgive him or stay talking with him thinking he is is kissing and ****ing another girl. It kills me inside. I tried to explain to him a few times why i acted cold and that i really love him but he seems to have given up. He said it's not our faults but he has made a decision. I was so angry so I kind of got bat**** crazy (I was drunk and emotional atm) I said i just sent a friend request to the girl and she accepted and tell her I will send all our chats to her and our sex pictures. He said I will regret it because I was drunk then he finally said I have lost a friend and unfriend me on facebook. I said he was never my friend because he betrayed me. Of course, it was all a bluff. I didn't talk to her or send her any requests or pictures. In a way, I think I deliberately did it to cut all ties with him. That I am too weak and cannot be friends with him because I still love him. He said he still loves me but I dont understand why he is moving on to another girl and not want to give us another try. Any thoughts?
ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Hello, I told him beforehand that I can only marry someone of my own religion (I'm not religious or anything) What is your religion and why does he have to be of the same religion if you are not religious?
Author Caslina Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) ScienceGal: I am muslim, he is European and doesn't believe in religion. We both lives in Tokyo. Despite not being religious, I can't marry someone who is not my religion because in my home country you just cannot register your marriage. Also, it would kill my mother I thought we can figure it out but he is ignoring it. He said it's not an issue and that he loves me regardless but he's leaving me now. I want to give up on having any relationship ever. It hurts too much. Edited September 7, 2015 by Caslina
clam Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Let him go. You can never end up together because of your religious differences anyway. Plus now after getting drunk and threatening to send info to his new GF, he probably thinks you're a loose cannon.
kenmore Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Caslina, that is a hard story! I understand what you say and can put myself in those positions. First off, you said he needs to be the same religion. I saw your latest post and understand why you said that but that was a put-off. Most guys reading that would just think "wow ok, guess it won't work with her." That's something you need to come to grips with. If you really aren't religious, maybe you need to officially denounce your religion so you are free to do as you please...your mother's feelings notwithstanding. Secondly, I thought his reaction was a bit cold. Why didn't he talk to you about it if there was a problem? Why just say nothing then next thing he has a girlfriend? No! It didn't happen that way. He had the girlfriend all along and he BS'ed you. Don't fall for it! Your threats about sending her photos etc was a bit over the top. I understand your rage but that would send most guys packing. My advice is to lay off that sh*t completely! Sure, since you had ammo it proves you were right, but it was a threat to betray a trust. Just don't go there again. My thought is you will find a fine young man to be with, so screw this guy! He was using you all along or at least the end. Find a guy who really wants you and appreciates you. If you find a Muslim guy, make sure right from the start he doesn't have any explosives on him! Sorry, couldn't resist! Hugs!! Ken
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 It was definitely the right decision to end everything with him. You both know you don't have a future together due to these cultural and religious differences. It hurts but I don't blame him for walking away. What is he supposed to do? Continue seeing you when he knows it will eventually end? You can't really expect him to be okay with that. That's why he doesn't want to give it another try. I wouldn't be able to continue dating someone with whom I couldn't have a future either. It wouldn't be anything personal, but I wouldn't enter a situation with the knowledge that it won't work out in the end. Continue No Contact. It may have seemed cold to unfriend you online, but your lies and threats to send his new girl your intimate pictures would suggest to him that you can't be trusted not to do something crazy. That was out of line, on your part. I know you were angry and it hurts a lot, we've all been there. But that was over the top. That would be another reason for him to be totally done with this. You will eventually find another man to share your life with. You say you want to give up on having any relationship - how old are you? I imagine you have plenty of time to enjoy dating. You're in a difficult position as you are not religious but cannot marry someone outside your religion; it would probably be best to date men of your religion to avoid this scenario repeating itself in the future. Otherwise, you will end up getting attached to someone with whom you will eventually need to break up again.
Author Caslina Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Clam, kenmore: On religion, I had 2 boyfriends in the past who were willing to convert. It's not a joke. One guy after he heard from me, he went to a mosque and asks questions. Another guy converted and stayed a muslim, even though we end up not getting married. This is the first time I met a guy who is put off by my religion. I think problem was not my religion. He just doesn't love me enough. He's also weak and a coward. Some of my guys friend said that he might have had a gf sometime before and were just using me. And that he didnt even discuss any problem and just left me. This makes me so angry. I dont know how to channel this anger. I agree the idea of sending her the picture is extreme. Although Im satisfied that I have ruined the relationship beyond repair. Hulk. Smash it. My only regret that it makes me look bad when he was the *********.. Now there's nothing to go back to. Trying to move on... Edited September 7, 2015 by Caslina
Author Caslina Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Well, today i noticed on fakebook (opps) he has put down the picture of him and the girl that he is dating but he still has the picture of us together. I dont know what this means 1) Are they not dating anymore? 2) He doesnt want to risk me to bother her? xD Any guesses?? xD
Seeker12 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Caslina, it honestly means nothing, sorry, hes doing his own thing, for his own reasons, he has probably taken it down just because he didnt want that photo up on facebook, so quick after the end of a relationship, he doesnt want to look bad. What does that mean? Its very selfish from him and its nothing to do or about you. Honestly your religious differences were never going to work, and he probably was never really wanting to adopt a religion, thats why he hasnt already done so. Religion is a massive thing and a huge commitment, i know people who converted to a religion, became a lot more practicing than their partner, and left them to marry someone just as practicing. Im surprised that your home country doesnt allow marriage unless its of a certain religion, are you sure thats correct and do you mind if i ask which country? Nevertheless you need to focus on you, stop stalking your ex, his problems are his problems now, youve had to push and pull too much in this relationship (not your fault at all), especially near the end, whilst also risking being with someone you knew where there was a huge chance of it not working with long term, and all the religious consequences that would fall on you. He didnt see that, the risk you took, and he just left you. Work on you, work on your religion, work on getting independent and finding yourself again, just as you were before you met this guy. Soon enough you will meet an amazing guy, of the same religion or willing to convert, who will want to marry you and will be perfect for you, but you have to give your future man a chance, and the only way he will have a chance, is if you leave this guy now and move on!
Author Caslina Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 Hello Seeker, Thank you for those words of kindness. It's very hard bu I am trying to move on. There's no point because he doesn't care for me anymore.
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