brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Hi all! Yesterday I had a first date with a guy I met at okcupid. He seems really nice but I really don't feel there's enough attraction. He looked different from his pic ugh. I could try to work it out but I didn't want to kiss him goodbye. I don't know... Well, he invited me for dinner this Thursday and I told him I had to confirm. So last night, after the date, I logged again to okcupid and this handsome guy contacted me. We chatted for an hour and then he called me and we talked for another hour, and then we continued texting until 1 am I'm completely ecstatic he contacted me. So this morning he texted me and I replied that I felt really close talking to him and that this was unusual for me that I only felt like this once in the past. Well, he looked surprised and stopped texting me after that we are supposedly meeting tomorrow night for a glass of wine but I think I've already ruined it saying that I felt close to him. What should I do? Contact him again? And with the first guy? Should I give him a second chance even though I feel no attraction?
Frank2thepoint Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Respectfully decline the first guy's offer. You are not attracted to him enough. Plus he looked different, so he misrepresented himself. The handsome guy you should not text, because you probably got too emotionally invested from his looks. The moment you mentioned you felt close to him, you freaked him out. You presented yourself to him as a clinger. Wait for the handsome guy to respond to you. If he doesn't, you could message or call him a couple of hours before the date to confirm if he is still on for it. Either way, for future reference, try not to get too wrapped up about a guy's looks, and focus a little more on his personality. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Respectfully decline the first guy's offer. You are not attracted to him enough. Plus he looked different, so he misrepresented himself. The handsome guy you should not text, because you probably got too emotionally invested from his looks. The moment you mentioned you felt close to him, you freaked him out. You presented yourself to him as a clinger. Wait for the handsome guy to respond to you. If he doesn't, you could message or call him a couple of hours before the date to confirm if he is still on for it. Either way, for future reference, try not to get too wrapped up about a guy's looks, and focus a little more on his personality. His personality is awesome. We just click. Ill wait until tomorrow and I'll text him to confirm. First guy...I'll say no. He looked nice plus he's a doctor but it's just not completely right. No attraction at all. He's nice, but I have to make the effort to imagine myself kissing him
jam.over.jelly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 you definitely lost him at "I felt really close talking to him and that this was unusual for me". You're talking about someone you haven't met here. You're moving too fast too quickly here, no wonder why he freaked. I know I would too if a guy I have not yet met told me what you told him. I can only imagine how fast he would get attached if he met me! In the early stage of dating, I think it's best if you keep your emotions a tad bit to yourself, make them think, make them wonder sometimes, but yet still let them know you are interested. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 I guess I did lose him. Very bad.
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Should I still text him tomorrow to see if he wants to meet or should I just assume it's not gonna happen? We've already have a place and time...
clam Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Why would it not happen? You've already confirmed a place an time. Arrive as planned and meet your date. And quit saying things like "I've already lost him." You don't even HAVE him yet!
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Why would it not happen? You've already confirmed a place an time. Arrive as planned and meet your date. And quit saying things like "I've already lost him." You don't even HAVE him yet! You're right. However, if he doesn't confirm the date by tomorrow, I'll text him. It's kinda weird, yesterday it was awesome, we talked and it was so natural... And today I just said that and now I feel he's got scared by me being that intense. I'll just wait. I'm sad though. We talked for more than three hours yesterday. And today, he just ignored my text
Frank2thepoint Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 There are men that can handle a woman that expresses her feelings like you did to this guy. And of course there are men that can't. Don't beat yourself up. Learn from the experience. This doesn't mean become emotionally withdrawn, just don't be effusive immediately. Wait until after meeting the man a few times. Just relax and be assertive. If you don't hear from the guy, contact him to confirm the date. There is no harm or loss of pride for confirming a date. 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 There are men that can handle a woman that expresses her feelings like you did to this guy. I'm one of those guys. I would have been flattered if someone said that to me. My Ex kept everything bottled up so much and then it would eventually erupt like a Diet Coke and Mentos geyser. I like when people can be themselves and express how they feel. You seem like a passionate person, that's not a bad thing. Perhaps he made you feel like you could open up the way you did? The again, you do need to be cautious in the OLD realm. Maybe he took your honesty as a red flag. Try not to let this one stutter step cause you to lose confidence in yourself. There are plenty more where he came from. 1
Yummm Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 In all honesty I would be a little freaked out if that happened. Yes, it's flattering, and i'm all for confident women making their intentions apparent but I guess it's from my last R/S that makes it scary for me. My ex fell head over heals for me first, it took me sometime to completely fall for her, yet I got kicked to the curb. If this was me before my previous R/S? I would be so flattered, but now it's a cause for concern in my books. I now approach things with more caution, i have a few girls who i've been dating who have sprawled themselves onto me in a 'crazy' way and it's been quite a shock and off-putting! OP although I don't think you were way too forward, you definitely showed much interest especially considering you haven't met and there are plenty more options due to the brutal OLD. I hope he stays in contact though...goodluck 1
Celeste.Carol Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 It is important to know what kind of things you were talking about until 1am in the morning to gauge if your response fitted into the scenario or maybe he fell asleep.
joseb Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Why is it that every second person on here is having these imaginery relationships with people they have not met? Repeat after me. Its NOTHING until you meet in person. Anything before is just fluff to get to the point of meeting up. You can start to feel close after a few dates. 4
Survivor12 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Do NOT text him. If your comment did freak him out, pursuing him will convince him that you are way too invested. Not texting him will give him reason to consider the possibility that he was too quick to judge. Just curious though--how did he "look surprised" in a text? 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Just curious though--how did he "look surprised" in a text? ⊙▂⊙ or maybe (✪ฺД✪ฺ) 2
jam.over.jelly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think you should send him one last text, something like "Hey, just checking in to see if we are still on for our date. I understand that for some reasons you may or may not want to follow through with meeting up, but regardless of what it is, I would really appreciate it if you could confirm it, so I don't end up showing up for our meeting for nothing. So when you get this text, please let me know". And leave it at that. If you still don't hear from him, don't go on this date, and move on.
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 We were talking about our personal experiences, then he started to make some sexual remarks but it was all in a friendly way. Not weird at all. He wanted to talk all the time, it was him who continued texting and asking me things. Then I visited his profile in the morning. He texted saying he saw me visiting his prof and that he was interested in knowing more. I replied I woke up thinking about him and that I only felt that close with a guy once in the past. Then he made a Freudian slip. Instead of later he texted latter. Like he didn't want to really talk. I sent a smiley face and that's all. He never texted again. I couldn't sleep tonight and visited his profile. It was unintentional, my finger just clicked on his profile ugh. Let's see how this day goes on. I have the feeling he will cancel.
jam.over.jelly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Again, you have not met this guy! There might very be a chance you won't even like him in person! For all you know, he could be a catfish! You just never know until you meet someone in person. So there is no reason to get emotional over someone you are only virtually talking to. Til the next time, guard your heart, and your emotions so you don't get hurt. That's my only advice to you. 2
TheBathWater Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) We were talking about our personal experiences, then he started to make some sexual remarks but it was all in a friendly way. Not weird at all. He wanted to talk all the time, it was him who continued texting and asking me things. Then I visited his profile in the morning. He texted saying he saw me visiting his prof and that he was interested in knowing more. I replied I woke up thinking about him and that I only felt that close with a guy once in the past. Then he made a Freudian slip. Instead of later he texted latter. Like he didn't want to really talk. I sent a smiley face and that's all. He never texted again. I couldn't sleep tonight and visited his profile. It was unintentional, my finger just clicked on his profile ugh. Let's see how this day goes on. I have the feeling he will cancel. Here's a guy's two cents: If I were interested enough in a woman to chat her online for an hour and then talk to her on the phone for an hour, and then she told me what you had said about feeling close, I would have been interested enough in her to say something like "that's really flattering to hear, but let's pace ourselves and get to know each other more; i really liked talking with you this evening." [negotiate connection/reassurance]. I wouldn't just leave her hanging if I was looking for more than a hookup. I only read the first page of this thread and was already thinking he MIGHT just be after your panties. Then I went to make breakfast, came back and read the post from you above that I quoted. I suspect he could be pushing for a quick lay. He invested a lot more time and effort up front than me or any guy I've known, is attractive and knows what he is capable of, was making passable sexual commentary with you, and then didn't bother to reply or reassure you after your comment. All red flags, in my eyes. I could be overanalyzing, but just something to think about. OLD is a playground for players, and it's incredibly easy to get laid if you're attractive and know how to pour on the charm. Like someone else had said, I would not get too caught up over someone's looks. You are asking for trouble if you do. I would advise meeting up with him at least a few times before getting sexy with him, see what he's like, if his actions match his words, etc... and take it from there if you get that far. I am a little suspect of this guy to be honest. Edited September 7, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine 3
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Here's a guy's two cents: If I were interested enough in a woman to chat her online for an hour and then talk to her on the phone for an hour, and then she told me what you had said about feeling close, I would have been interested enough in her to say something like "that's really flattering to hear, but let's pace ourselves and get to know each other more; i really liked talking with you this evening." [negotiate connection/reassurance]. I wouldn't just leave her hanging if I was looking for more than a hookup. I only read the first page of this thread and was already thinking he MIGHT just be after your panties. Then I went to make breakfast, came back and read the post from you above that I quoted. I suspect he could be pushing for a quick lay. He invested a lot more time and effort up front than me or any guy I've known, is attractive and knows what he is capable of, was making passable sexual commentary with you, and then didn't bother to reply or reassure you after your comment. All red flags, in my eyes. I could be overanalyzing, but just something to think about. OLD is a playground for players, and it's incredibly easy to get laid if you're attractive and know how to pour on the charm. Like someone else had said, I would not get too caught up over someone's looks. You are asking for trouble if you do. I would advise meeting up with him at least a few times before getting sexy with him, see what he's like, if his actions match his words, etc... and take it from there if you get that far. I am a little suspect of this guy to be honest. I was thinking in a similar way. I find it somehow strange that he invested so much time in me, and then the next morning he was very cold and detached. I just followed up with the same intensity he showed me the previous night, but suddenly he was just...cold. I'd think he is just looking for a quick hook up very easily, given his behavior. However, he's old enough (almost 50), he is a professional (a doctor) and he has some insight. I'm just waiting. He hasn't contacted me since yesterday morning, nor he made any comment about me visiting his profile at 4 am. I'm just waiting, but at this point my expectations are really low.
Ami1uwant Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 In all honesty if I heard a woman who I just talk to ( but not met) say a comment like that I yo would be concerned with her. Had it been said after meeting face yo face then it would have much more meaning to me and I'd appreciate it. What is the issue with guy #1... Other than he looks different than his profile photos...how find you two interact on the date? My rule ..if the first meeting goes well and there aren't any psycho red flags or you have fundamental differences in core values you should always have a 2nd date. You just complained that guy 1 doesn't look like his profile pic...you could say the same thing with guy #2. 1
katiegrl Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 In all honesty if I heard a woman who I just talk to ( but not met) say a comment like that I yo would be concerned with her. Had it been said after meeting face yo face then it would have much more meaning to me and I'd appreciate it. What is the issue with guy #1... Other than he looks different than his profile photos...how find you two interact on the date? My rule ..if the first meeting goes well and there aren't any psycho red flags or you have fundamental differences in core values you should always have a 2nd date. ****You just complained that guy 1 doesn't look like his profile pic...you could say the same thing with guy #2*****. Great point! and so true! :)
Celeste.Carol Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I was thinking in a similar way. I find it somehow strange that he invested so much time in me, and then the next morning he was very cold and detached. I just followed up with the same intensity he showed me the previous night, but suddenly he was just...cold. I'd think he is just looking for a quick hook up very easily, given his behavior. However, he's old enough (almost 50), he is a professional (a doctor) and he has some insight. I'm just waiting. He hasn't contacted me since yesterday morning, nor he made any comment about me visiting his profile at 4 am. I'm just waiting, but at this point my expectations are really low. Hi you keep mentioning their profession as if that makes a difference to their personalities. It does not. I have dated many docs and was married to one. Unless they look like a dork with high waters they have no need for online dating. If they are, chances are high they are looking for hook ups with anyone decent enough looking who falls for their games. They have many options in their own circles unless they have known personality defects or are known players. 2
katiegrl Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I was thinking in a similar way. I find it somehow strange that he invested so much time in me, and then the next morning he was very cold and detached. I just followed up with the same intensity he showed me the previous night, but suddenly he was just...cold. ****I'd think he is just looking for a quick hook up very easily, given his behavior*** . However, he's old enough (almost 50), he is a professional (a doctor) and he has some insight. I'm just waiting. He hasn't contacted me since yesterday morning, nor he made any comment about me visiting his profile at 4 am. I'm just waiting, but at this point my expectations are really low. Quote in asterisk --- yup, exactly. He may even be married.
Author brokengirl85 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 In all honesty if I heard a woman who I just talk to ( but not met) say a comment like that I yo would be concerned with her. Had it been said after meeting face yo face then it would have much more meaning to me and I'd appreciate it. What is the issue with guy #1... Other than he looks different than his profile photos...how find you two interact on the date? My rule ..if the first meeting goes well and there aren't any psycho red flags or you have fundamental differences in core values you should always have a 2nd date. You just complained that guy 1 doesn't look like his profile pic...you could say the same thing with guy #2. Guy 1 seemed like a nice person. He's a doctor as well. Well rounded, looking for long term. But I didn't feel attracted to him. Boomer. I don't think this is going to change.
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