queenie01 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 So its been 2 weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me and the only communication we have had at all has been an email conversation last tuesday that he initiated then a text message from him last tuesday and an email conversation last friday - a week ago that i iniated. That email ended by me telling him "take the time you need, do what you gotta do and you know how to get ahold of me" he responded "thanks, thats very big of you, i appreciate it, you do the same" That was one week from today and i have not heard from him at all....I have seen him here at work a few times and he wont even look at me. So weird!! Hes treating me as if i was the one who broke up with him. I dont know what to think? anyone have any ideas.. Im obviously not going to contact him but should I assume its totally over by his lack of not contacting me at all this past week??
Treasa Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Yes, you should. You keep creating new posts and I keep telling you the same thing. I bet he can pick up your vibes and see how completely attached and desperate you are. I get the same vibe just from reading your posts. I know you're upset, but you keep asking the same questions and getting the same answers. Leave him alone, go about your life, get your stuff back when you feel more emotionally ready to. He may come back, but it won't happen with you even subconsciously chasing him or agonizing over it.
Author queenie01 Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Well I doubt he can pick up on these vibes since we dont communicate at all and when he sees me i am happy and talking with everyone in the gym and stuff. Believe me I am moving on, just still have unanswered questions and it sucks. I will just go about my business and forget that he even exists, as he has done with me.
lindya Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 queenie, you're always going to have unanswered questions. Everyone's in hot pursuit of this intangible thing called "closure" after a relationship break-up, but is there really such a thing? You just gradually start to think less about the person, then eventually it gets to the stage where you only have fleeting thoughts about them in the same way that you might have passing thoughts about lots of other people you've known in your life. At the moment it's on your mind all the time, because you're at the disbelief stage. Going back to the wonderful closure thing. If it does exist, you're probably know you're nearer to it when you start focusing on the "coping" thread rather than the "break up" one. Judging from his response to your email, your ex boyfriend still has plenty of respect for you. I think it's great that you've decided not to contact him again, because it shows you're responding to the break up very sanely and realistically. You might not feel very sane or realistic right now, but that'll pass. As to him not looking at you...it's very difficult to look into someone's eyes, see real pain there and know that you caused that pain. Right now you're looking for signs that he regrets having broken up with you. There are 150 things he could inadvertently do to make you believe that the signs are there. The only sign worth taking notice of would be if he told you he'd made a huge mistake, that he loved you and that he wanted you back. But he hasn't done that - and even if he did, wouldn't that beg the question of why he decided to break up with you in the first place?
Jadey Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Queenie, I have to see my ex at school everyday and he does not even look at me if he can help it. He will just walk by and look at the ground or wotever, and when he has to look at me its a look of "i dont want to see you hurting so ill try to avoid you the best i can so i dont have to deal with it and feel guilty" Which is logic really! As much as it kills inside, trust me i know it does I think thats excatly why your ex isnt looking at you either, you know wot i mean? Mine is also acting as though I broke up with HIM, so were in the same boat. You shouldnt necesarily think its over for good cos you neevr know. But think of it as you have now told him to take time to think or wotever and to contact you if he wants..Leave it at that. He hasnt been contacting you so he obv is not wanting you back, for now. Think to yourself its over for now, try to move on, have fun, stay busy, go about your life and who knows wot MAY happen down the line. But for now leave him, do NC. He knows where to find you if he wants you back that bad, and if he does it will be in your hands Good luck
Author queenie01 Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Thanks for your advice and i think it makes sense, I think he is ashamed of what he did and feels guilty. Its funny tho because last friday when i asked him if he was happier, he said not sure if happier is the word but he needs more time to know if he will be happier. I have to get my stuff back from him eventually but he did say he would keep it and in a couple weeks we can get together to talk and see how we feel, i guess i will leave it at that. For now in my mind i am going to believe its over and go out and meet new people etc.... I will not contact him at all, he knows how to reach me if he ever wants to talk.
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