jm07 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I met this guy around a year ago and we were friends at first. A few months into the friendship we started hanging out frequently, messing around etc. AT the time he was still in contact with a girl from the city he had recently moved from but he claimed that they weren't dating and that he had explained to her multiple times they would never date. I knew that they had a sexual relationship though which obviously bothered me. They continued to be in contact and she would come visit occaisionally. We finally had a conversation and both told each other we had feelings for each other, but I told him I did not want to have sex or spend more time together until he was completely done with her. A few weeks later he told me they'd had a conversation and it was definitely over with her. We started spending most weekends together. A few more weeks passed and I saw that again he was getting calls/texts from her. He claimed they were just friends and he didn't see why he couldn't talk to her. This led to several times of me getting upset because he couldn't seem to understand how this made me feel uncared about. He kept saying he didn't get why I was upset since he spends so much time With me. A month or two passed of this behavior and I went away for a weekend. I then found out she had came to stay while I was gone and he claimed she just showed up announced. This of course led to a fight Bc I told Him I was hurt he had let her stay and he essentially acted like I was rude for thinking he should have ask her to leave and that it tech wasn't cheating since we aren't official. After that we didn't speak for about two months. We started hanging out again and it seemed like he was finally going to Commit to me as he gave a big speech apologizing and saying he had lied about his relationship with her and how sorry he was. He told me it was my decision if I wanted to date him Bc he knew he'd screwed up. I wanted to believe it. But a few weeks later I saw that again she was texting him. When I brought it up he acted like I was crazy Bc "he can't control who texts him." He said he had not seen her in months. I tried to forget about it but kept getting upset and told him we should try to be friends until I could learn to trust him again. He agreed but then we ended up still having sex a few times which just led to confusion from me as he'd be all about me for a few weeks then I wouldn't see him for a week or so. After agreeing to friends we talked about us a few times and he kept saying we'd just go with the flow and see where things went. Any time I'd get upset if he didn't show up for something like when he didn't show up for my birthday celebration or to help me with something he had agreed to do be acted like I was having unreasonable friend expectations. The culminating fight happened when I saw a picture of her with his new dog come up on his phone when she called. I asked him if he had lied about seeing her and he said k was acting crazy because we were just friends I had no Right to ask. I then felt awful and like I really was crazy. I know technically we weren't together so I didn't have a right but it's hard to not feel completely played by him. Was my reaction abnormal or is he just a jerk?
La.Primavera Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 If you like sharing men, then keep seeing him. However if you think you are worth more than that then ditch this guy. He doesn't sound like much of a catch if he ditches you when you make plans and breaks promises. It shouldn't matter if you are friends, lovers or in a relationship. Look at the facts: He is unreliable, sleeps with another woman, lies about it and then turns it around on you to mess with your head. Clearly he has little respect for you, and that should be a non negotiable requirement, even if you aren't in an exclusive relationship. Yes, I think he sounds like a jerk. You deserve so much better.
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