10yearsgoneaway Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 How do you really cope if your side of the relationship was built 2 years of a good friendship. I don't have good days, but the trauma phase has ended. I've accepted the loss and this is just as bad as the initial days. When it really hits you that a person of ten years just stopped caring and has vanished from your life... how do you stop caring about them.
MINDSHIFT Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 10 years wow thats long time, never been in that position before. My ex was fwb for about 6 months then a relationship for a year and half. The first month post break up was ok then hit me hard in the 2nd month, its like a viscous rollercoster. Now I feel ok, the pain and anxiety has definitely stopped, it only starts if I look at her social networks. I don't know what to say, I feel your pain. But what ive learned is you cant base your happiness on people. People are unreliable and wont be around you forever. You have to treat relationships as a beautiful thing to enjoy in the moment. If you put your hope in to someone and it ends, you end up feeling like ****. I believe the way how we deal with breakups is an important indicator of where we are in life. How successful we are in different areas of our life. I took my breakup really hard, it was awful. I didn't know i was that dependent on a person to bring me happiness. But I know if different areas of my life was sorted, i.e financially, socially etc I wouldn't have taken it sooooo bad. You wont stop caring for them and your ex hasn't stopped caring about you, you just have to accept that your ex wants something different. Unfortunately he has chose not to include you in his life. The only thing you can do is to move on, find a hobby, go out, live life. It will get easier day by day, as you start to do more things without them, and build new memories.
theredpill Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I didn't know I was that dependent on a person to bring me happiness. That statement is absolutely spot on Mindshift and exactly what we think at the end of a breakup, the reality as you already know is we're responsible for our own happiness but whilst in the midst of loss, we think it's the other person. We cause our own pain and only we can fix our pain by doing all the recommended steps, going out with friends, go the gym, eating well, new wardrobe, start dating because these will reduce healing time by 90% compared to just "time" alone. I'm currently helping a friend who got friendzoned 12 months ago and just tried to nice guy himself back in with favours for a year, one month with me and he's removed her from his life (and FB) and he's halfway to a full wardrobe of new clothes to get back out there as soon as possible. By helping him, it helps me and the difference in him has been noticed by all our mutual friends. Pain sucks, break ups suck and still sting like a motherfooker, but doing nothing about it makes it suck even more. 2
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