RoseVille Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It sounds to me like you settled. I don't blame you but it is what it is. "Something different" was probably the fact that he was into you, seemed to treat you well and wanted a committed relationship. I guess that's different enough from other online prospects. I completely disagree. I think expecting fireworks on a first date is unrealistic. Great if it happens, but if you're letting great guys go just because you didn't feel fireworks for a STRANGER on the first date - because that's really still what they are - you're missing out on tons of great men. 6
BluEyeL Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It sounds to me like you settled. I don't blame you but it is what it is. "Something different" was probably the fact that he was into you, seemed to treat you well and wanted a committed relationship. I guess that's different enough from other online prospects. I also disagree and I think expecting "fireworks" at the first date is plain silly and will take you nowhere because that absolutely DOES NOT matter at all. Settling for me is dating a man that treats you poorly and is not a man of great character just because of some hormonal reactions before you know him. Which I usually do not have anyway for any men I do not know. 6
Vintage79 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) The question is how long do you try before you give up on someone - it's rare that you get that crazy, head-over heels feeling on date one, or even 2, but give it 2 months, and it's there. If you abandon people after the first date because it wasn't crazy chemistry, you're doing yourself a disservice, and it begins to explain your bitterness and obscenely negative views of dating after 30. The fact that you're basically the only person that has those views in this thread, says that you're the outlier and that the issue is with you, not people in their 30s... Edited September 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 The question for you is how long do you try before you give up on someone - it's rare that you get that crazy, head-over heels feeling on date one, or even 2, but give it 2 months, and it's there. If you abandon people after the first date because it wasn't crazy chemistry, you're doing yourself a disservice, and it begins to explain your bitterness and obscenely negative views of dating after 30. The fact that you're basically the only person that has those views in this thread, says that you're the outlier and that the issue is with you, not people in their 30s... Stand still Vintage while I just grab you some pina coladas and some palm bearers to cool you down and pamper you... yes that is my way of saying Hallelujah to some common sense! In fairness to Leigh there is another who is making similar comments... So while uncommon so she not unique.
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It sounds to me like you settled. I don't blame you but it is what it is. "Something different" was probably the fact that he was into you, seemed to treat you well and wanted a committed relationship. I guess that's different enough from other online prospects. ES - Do you have any idea at all just how offensive the bolded is??? I don't think Blu "settled" at all. I think she weeded out the men not suitable and went for the one that suited her the most. That is not "settling" at all. That is upping your game and being serious about relationships and finding a suitable mate. Pretty sensible if you want something more substantial than a few butterflies for a week or two. 3
No_Go Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Sure one can find love at any age. 30s are not particularly the best time in my opinion. In teens / 20s love is all about experiencing "sparks". In 30s - "sparks"+a compatible partner to build life with. Bright side: 40s, 50s and beyond, when the kids are independent and mortgage - paid off, it could be time for "sparks again I'm almost 31 now. "Sparks" in any shape and form will not outshine the importance of compatibility: my need of partner that I can start a family with, be calm (read: not a party freak out every night) to let me build my career, and work together on financial goals like home, retirement and college funds for future kids. I had "out-of-earth sparks" in my 20s. I never technically dated the guy (no intimacy), but the insane mutual attraction was undeniable. However, he preferred to start a relationship and later marry someone, who was 10 years older than me, and hm, plain. I wondered why. For many years. Now, at my age, I see it. The old tired uninspired lady was ready to give him kids, house, stability. Me, at 24,... Not really. All I could give him love, "sparks", and excitement. I'm scared to admit it, but now, as I've grown old, I understand his choice... I would love to hear stories of people who found love after 30. As a 31 year old female, people treat me like I'm on my way to being an old maid. 1
BluEyeL Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 The question for you is how long do you try before you give up on someone - it's rare that you get that crazy, head-over heels feeling on date one, or even 2, but give it 2 months, and it's there. If you abandon people after the first date because it wasn't crazy chemistry, you're doing yourself a disservice, and it begins to explain your bitterness and obscenely negative views of dating after 30. The fact that you're basically the only person that has those views in this thread, says that you're the outlier and that the issue is with you, not people in their 30s... That's on point. I'm not sure why some part of the population here insists that if you didn't go gaga at date one it means you settled. I can just ascribe this to never had the patience to wait and know someone and experience the walking on clouds and butterflies once the two get closer. I know I experienced it and it still didn't go away. When it started people were saying that I'm glowing and something is changed and I seem very happy and asking what happened. I said to one that oh I'm always happy and he said I know but now it's different and more than your usual. Another reason may be that it is truly only how someone looks, which is the only information you have when you first meet someone, that truly matters to these people and since people will not change how they look over 2 months, there is no chance for any growth there. And then it all relies on one's luck to have compatibility with someone they go crazy about at first sight . That will take a lot of time and you may turn 50 before it happens or indeed it could be that it'll not happen at all. Which leads to the conclusion that indeed you can't find that type of love over 30(???) because you yourself may not be in the tip top shape you were at 20 to offer what you expect in the only area that matters to you. Tough! 5
katiegrl Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I found the love of my life when I was 32. And in the year I dated prior to meeting him, I dated many guys, who, although I felt no romantic chemistry with them ....were far from losers! Successful, good looking, in shape, guys who appeared to have a lot to offer any girl. I just did not feel enough romantic chemistry with them to pursue further. Gloria, I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time finding a good solid guy who is attracted to you....enough to want a RL with you. My only suggestion is to look within yourself for the reason, you might find the reason lies within you, and not them. Oh and BTW, I work with a gal (quite beautiful and together) who is getting married for the first time in December. Her husband is a successful and very good looking attorney. She is 45, he is 48. If you think you won't or can't find love after 30 ....then I can almost guarantee you won't. If you are confident and remain positive, then you will! Mind over matter, the power of positive thinking and all that. Some of you make 31 sound like 81....sheesh. 31 is young! Women are still beautiful, vibrant, hell they are at their sexual peak at 31! If you can't find it, then again look within yourself, introspect. 2
katiegrl Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) Bolded statement = bitter, jaded, and potentially damaged. Most guys are great and nice - apparently you're just awful at finding them. Go say high to 10 random guys on the street - you'll probably only find one person that counts as a jerk. I know that this is true with women, most are nice, but if you focus on the high maintenance ones, you get a boatload that are bitchy... Agree, and if you really do think most men are jerks Leigh, then any men you meet (even the good guys!) will sense that ....compounding the problem of you finding someone awesome even further! I mean who in their right mind would be attracted to (and want a rl with -- other than fwb) someone so bitter and jaded that they assume most men are jerks! That is what I meant by introspecting and looking within yourself. Your bitter and negative attitude is what is turning them off ...NOT your age! Or your looks. Edited September 8, 2015 by katiegrl 2
katinlc Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 It sounds to me like you settled. I don't blame you but it is what it is. "Something different" was probably the fact that he was into you, seemed to treat you well and wanted a committed relationship. I guess that's different enough from other online prospects. Couldn't be more wrong....I never imagined I could find a man so perfect for me who I am head over heels in love with. I couldn't imagine writing someone off because sparks didn't fly the first time we met. No wonder you all expect to be single the rest of your lives if that's how you decide. Yes, it took me 3-4 dates to open myself up and realize I like this man. But once I did, believe me the sparks flew. If all I was looking for was a man who treated me well and wanted a committed relationship I had quite the pick of them in the men I went on dates with. 3
LilaMarie Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) "Love has no age, no limit, and no death" John Galsworthy Edited September 8, 2015 by LilaMarie 2
oberkeat Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) Leigh, some of what you've said in this thread has bordered on bizarre. You've been given countless examples of how your assertions are incorrect, but you continue. I really do worry about you finding love, with the odd attitude you have about it. Example: I'm in a relationship with someone I have a can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other chemistry with, best sex life I've ever had. But on our first date, I only "liked" him. It was a few dates in that I really started feeling that spark, chemistry, and connection. If it's instant or nothing, you likely will be alone forever. Right on. This is how some women become serial daters. They think, "if I don't feel butterflies right away, next!" Online dating is full of these girls. I'm not saying women need to date guys who are completely repulsive to them, but they need to give the guys they just "like" a chance before moving on. Expecting to feel like you've met the love of your life on the first date is unrealistic. It's an instant gratification mindset. Edited September 8, 2015 by oberkeat 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 A lot of this is inspiring, especially when it seems dating and relationships is something primarily people do in their 20's
bluefeather Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Also there's a lot of talk here about exterior beauty, which is incredibly subjective. I've seen girls that lots of guys would gawk at, and I'm like, "I don't see it..?" And my jaw has hit the floor over sight of some girls who seem almost invisible to others. Everyone's got a type. If you've got a touch of anything gothic, for example, you've got my attention over a prissy looking model. If you are one of those high-maintenance types, well I guess that's ok because I probably wouldn't be your type either... You can say you're pretty all you want and that you can easily go out and get laid or get a "decent" partner (so can I, and probably a lot of other people. so what?). I guess that's good for one's ego and it's a step up from being self-conscious, but "prettiness" wouldn't really attract me. Some people like glitter. I like black lights. It's a taste thing. 2
xxoo Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 Age alone is no barrier to finding love. Age can help find love, in fact. As people learn and grow and figure out this dating and love thing, it gets more likely to find real, lasting love. Now, that isn't the same thing as having hoards of suitors, but that's not what love is about anyway. 7
sportygirl89 Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 People need to quit worrying about finding the one. I went on a two year men hiatus. Not on a hiatus now but trying to get out there and meet new people, not expecting a relationship of any sort. You never know who you will meet with the emphasis of wanting to find the one. I turned 26 recently. Am I scared being single in my 30s, yes. Is that stopping me from enjoying life to the fullest, no. I'm lucky I got super sick and experienced it. I think its allowed me to live life to fullest and to see what life is all about. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 People need to quit worrying about finding the one. I went on a two year men hiatus. Not on a hiatus now but trying to get out there and meet new people, not expecting a relationship of any sort. You never know who you will meet with the emphasis of wanting to find the one. I turned 26 recently. Am I scared being single in my 30s, yes. Is that stopping me from enjoying life to the fullest, no. I'm lucky I got super sick and experienced it. I think its allowed me to live life to fullest and to see what life is all about. I like to believe it is more than possible
Krieger Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I would love to hear stories of people who found love after 30. As a 31 year old female, people treat me like I'm on my way to being an old maid. join the club . When I tell people I am single they are shocked like they cant believe it . I have been told by woman if I wanted a GF all I have to do is ask but every female I like is taken or not interested . :(
Reallyconfusedheart Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Hi, I fell in love with this guy when I am your age. After 7 yrs I ended the relationship, it was a roller coaster ride. It is already chaos in the beginning but did not pay attention, everything is love, hope, care and support. So a piece of advise, use your time wisely. Look for 1) respect, 2) love and 3) security. Best of luck to u...
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 join the club . When I tell people I am single they are shocked like they cant believe it . I have been told by woman if I wanted a GF all I have to do is ask but every female I like is taken or not interested . :( There are times I wish I can force myself to lower my standards
xxoo Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 There are times I wish I can force myself to lower my standards Always seek to improve oneself and rise to new standards throughout life. Like attracts like. This is one reason people usually find better relationships as they get older: self improvement. 4
Buddhist Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 (edited) I would love to hear stories of people who found love after 30. As a 31 year old female, people treat me like I'm on my way to being an old maid. Open the field a bit, date younger too. Plenty of young men after a good looking older woman. My last boyfriend was 12yrs younger. The guy I'm flirting with now 17yrs younger. Edited September 9, 2015 by Buddhist
Toodaloo Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Open the field a bit, date younger too. Plenty of young men after a good looking older woman. My last boyfriend was 12yrs younger. The guy I'm flirting with now 17yrs younger. I actually agree with this. Also younger men tend to have less baggage so are less likely to be emotional screw ups.
bene Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 It sounds to me like you settled. I don't blame you but it is what it is. "Something different" was probably the fact that he was into you, seemed to treat you well and wanted a committed relationship. I guess that's different enough from other online prospects. This sounds very much like projecting your own views on other people. You don't know anything about these people to make such a harsh statement. Maybe I'm more reserved than average but I keep reading those threads where people insist on having some intense I-want-to-rip-off-your-clothes-and-conceive-twins-right-here-in-the-middle-of-the-coffee-date feeling on the first date and I hardly ever feel like this about a stranger even if he's the the most attractive, charismatic and intelligent person I have ever seen. Yes, I know whether I want to see the guy again and if I feel natural around him and if I'm looking forward to seeing them again. But at this point, anything more is just projection because you don't know anything about that person. It would even be suspicious if someone would make some grand gestures and promises after one date, even if they really like me. Or do you think that not being crazy about someone at first sight means that they are repulsive to you and over time you force yourself to like them? I really don't think that's what people mean when they say they were not crazy about their husband or wife after first date. 3
Erised Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 (edited) Why be negative? I have found it easier to find guys who are truly smitten with me after 30. (I am in my early 30s) Dating is not difficult and has not been difficult since my divorce. (My own issues not withstanding - but I dealt with those!) It is even better because I have higher standards aligned to what I want than I did when I originally met my ex husband. Amazing people! If there is a time when it becomes an issue, I imagine it must be much older. Though, I could see how someone who became negative and jaded toward men might have issues at any age. Edited September 9, 2015 by Erised 1
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