Finding love after 30

[WonderKid]

5-11: Boys/Girls are gross! I cannot stand them!

 

12-14: I really wanna impress this girl/boy

 

15-18: I really love her/him! I just cannot see myself without them!

 

19-21: I just wanna get laid

 

22-25: I'm sick of the bull**** I really want to find "That One" who gets me

 

26-29: Omg my friends are all getting married, kids, everything. Why am I single?

 

30: WTF will I ever find love!!??

 

31+: ...**** it...I just wanna get laid

[guest569]

Leigh,what a ridiculous and I hope sarcastic response. You basically say all the good ones are taken, and then get outraged at oberkeat who basically said the same thing as you, "leftovers". What the hell are you complaining for (And more talk about how amazingly effortlessly stunning you are)

 

Its ludicrous anyway as there are so many amazing single 30 year olds, I would treat dating after 30 the same as before 30. No big deal.

[madjac74]

Leigh 87 has some good points. Even then, the old 37+ men just want booty calls mostly and not want anything serious.

 

 

Are you actively looking to date? I'm on eharmony and have met nothing but great men and they are not in their late thirties :-) (the guy I'm currently seeing is 8 years younger..scary but for some reason the younger ones always chase me...whyyyyy?)

 

 

Don't give up hope. Stay positive :-)

 

Us old 37 plus guys just want booty calls but the little boys 8 years younger than you always chase you. hmmmm I wonder what they want???

[bluefeather]

Do I bring a whole lot more in the long run to the table. Oh, yeah.

 

My friends are all drama free. I have a lot more disposable income now. I can travel, enjoy expensive hobbies if I desire, go months barely looking at my bank account. I'm a better cook, I'm a better time manager. While I may come on here to complain about different issues, I honestly don't sweat the small stuff.

 

hullo there

[Lady2163]

hullo there

 

Thanks for the "good morning, smile" !

[Vintage79]

Why is it s bad thing that I am holding out for true love as opposed to someone I don't feel crazy about?

 

I've tried settling with a ma who adored me and felt the passion for me. I knew I had s loyal partner for life. Except I bypassed the honeymoon period..I never got to feel giddy. I never fell in love after ten months with him.

 

I don't want companionship with a man who may be great to me but who doesn't light my fire.

 

I would only leave them when I had w true connection mutually with an emotionally and mentally compatible men........ Since I don't believe in cheating.....I would just leave.

 

I don't believe there should be a stigma attached to women like me. I'm am loyal, faithful, I cook my partners meals despite my distaste for cooking...... I clean...... I am funny and caring and kind.

 

Not sure why I am a left over. Men I turn down say I am a catch in their eyes.

 

I doubt they're still saying you're a catch...high maintenance with unrealistic standards, and unwilling to give it a shot with someone unless a laundry list of boxes designed when you were 15 aren't all checked...single for a reason? Sure. Probability of being single forever? High...

[Lady2163]

Leftovers?

 

 

Do you mean look wise?

 

I am nearly 30 and effortlessly slim with a nice figure.

 

Check out my recent pics. In my album. I do not look bad for nearly 30. I am quite pretty although I am not one of the stunning girls who gets snapped up by a hot doctor, I DO actually have loads of men with good jobs who are cute, asking me out.

 

I've turned a lot of men down and I am 100% single by choice. I am not a super model but I am still not ugly or undesirable either!

 

Do you honestly not see how, uh, your post may be a turn off to some people?

 

Beauty and attractiveness is really an individual opinion. I mentioned this on another post. One of our local fitness center owners isn't lean, he's unhealthy looking skinny. He probably is in an ideal weight range and there's nothing wrong with his facial symmetry, but his cheeks and eyes are a bit sunken and he has bad teeth. When he shaves his head during warm months, he looks like a concentration camp survivor.

[bene]

Calling single people "leftovers" and saying that "all the good ones are taken" assumes that everyone pairs up in their early twenties and lives happily ever after and people never break up unless there is something horribly, horribly wrong with them. Real life is never that straightforward.

 

And even if you have some baggage or are "single for a reason" there is still chance that you will find someone who is weird the same way you are and it clicks. It's not that only picture perfect people have relationships.

 

Answering the question - yes, I found love in my early thirties at the point where I was actually very close to thinking it would never happen to me in this lifetime. Now I'm one of the people who can give irritating advice that "it will happen when you least expect it" Which is actually not true because I kept meeting new people and going on dates consciously because I realized that I can't just keep waiting until someone comes knocking on my door.

Edited September 7, 2015 by bene

[Leigh 87]

Leigh,what a ridiculous and I hope sarcastic response. You basically say all the good ones are taken, and then get outraged at oberkeat who basically said the same thing as you, "leftovers". What the hell are you complaining for (And more talk about how amazingly effortlessly stunning you are)

 

Its ludicrous anyway as there are so many amazing single 30 year olds, I would treat dating after 30 the same as before 30. No big deal.

 

I never said was stunning.

 

I am pretty. I never size I was stunning. I am obviously not gorgeous.

 

But I dont have a face of a woman whose a " leftover".

 

And I don't really have any characteristics of a woman whose a " left over "

 

I am truly single by choice. I have decent men ask to date me but I turn them down because I don't have a connection or romantic inclinations towards them. And I don't believe in growing or artificially manufacturing chemistry that just aint there........

 

And everything I said about love after 30 is true. It's bleak out there. I mean I feel lucky that I even get offers from seemingly decent men.

 

Most people over 30 will truly find it hard to find true love. True chemistry and compatability is hard to find.

[ScienceGal]

I never said was stunning.

 

I am pretty. I never size I was stunning. I am obviously not gorgeous.

 

But I dont have a face of a woman whose a " leftover".

 

And I don't really have any characteristics of a woman whose a " left over "

 

I am truly single by choice. I have decent men ask to date me but I turn them down because I don't have a connection or romantic inclinations towards them. And I don't believe in growing or artificially manufacturing chemistry that just aint there........

 

And everything I said about love after 30 is true. It's bleak out there. I mean I feel lucky that I even get offers from seemingly decent men.

 

Most people over 30 will truly find it hard to find true love. True chemistry and compatability is hard to find.

 

Why would you ever refer to anyone as a leftover? What is wrong with you?

 

Geesh girl, you're gonna have it pretty tough when trying to find love after 40, or 50, with your attitude. It's not all about looks. Perhaps work on your inner beauty a little bit.

[guest569]

I never said was stunning.

 

I am pretty. I never size I was stunning. I am obviously not gorgeous.

 

But I dont have a face of a woman whose a " leftover".

 

And I don't really have any characteristics of a woman whose a " left over "

 

I am truly single by choice. I have decent men ask to date me but I turn them down because I don't have a connection or romantic inclinations towards them. And I don't believe in growing or artificially manufacturing chemistry that just aint there........

 

And everything I said about love after 30 is true. It's bleak out there. I mean I feel lucky that I even get offers from seemingly decent men.

 

Most people over 30 will truly find it hard to find true love. True chemistry and compatability is hard to find.

 

Only those that require intense, magical, instant sparks and chemistry for a lifetime. I don't seek that, or really understand. just give me a hot guy that I love and enjoy spending time with, who feels the same. Simple.

 

I don't get it, where I'm from there are so many singles around. It's very early to be married in 20s

[Lady2163]

Why would you ever refer to anyone as a leftover? What is wrong with you?

 

Geesh girl, you're gonna have it pretty tough when trying to find love after 40, or 50, with your attitude. It's not all about looks. Perhaps work on your inner beauty a little bit.

 

She will have trouble finding love. Dates will be easy, though.

 

My nephew is in her age cohort. He is the most gorgeous man I've ever known in real life. Model handsome. I only feel a little pervy when I saw that since he's a "step nephew" (my sibling's stepson). He dates pretty, pretty princesses. One time I asked him why he kept bringing these airheads to family functions. He laughed and said, "I date women like that, I'm going to marry a woman that is a younger version of you, Auntie!"

 

And that is the man I will eventually get. One who married a girl like that in his twenties and divorced her in his 40s. Hopefully, he isn't too scarred and battle damaged.

 

Technically I'm not a baby boomer. But most of the men I date are born between 1959-1965. So they are boomers. They may harbor a desire to have a twenty or thirty something who is still tight and firm in all the right places. They may even chase after them and make fools of themselves. But at the end of the day, they want something a whole lot more real. They want a partner they don't have to worry about leaving them for a younger or better looking man. They want a woman who performs most of the unpleasant household tasks. Im not saying they don't share in life's drudgery tasks, but bonus if the woman does 51% or more! Double score if she has a decent income and has follow through and problem solving skills.

 

I have a former friend who is my age (late 40s) and is easily the most helpless woman I have ever met. Her house is a pigsty because it is just too much for her to clean and she is too damn cheap to hire anyone to do it. It is 3000 square feet and she owns it free and clear. The family accountant pays all the bills and then she is given $8000 a month from her trust fund. She is obese, probably 300 pounds - a size XXL OR XXXL. She has NO problem getting men to beat a path to her door. She dates and gets laid all the time. But, they just use her for money. Money is her attraction, but her laziness, neediness and helplessness and personality don't keep men around for very long. The same can be said for attractiveness. You can be a knockout, but they won't stay if you don't have more to offer.

[bluefeather]

I feel like I am getting into this mid-range age of life and with all the things I've experienced, it's led me to figure out what I desire. I have played games. I have been the intense pursuer and have been pursued intensely. I have been wholly dedicated for years, lost myself, found myself, said no to abuse, fell in love, said yes to abuse, got my heart broken more than once, and am still looking for sparks. I have scars and I'm sure that throughout my growth process in life, I've given some too.

 

The point I am trying to make is that I have already had youthful fun. I am not a fickle child, and the idea that I could be placed into a category that is considered "leftovers" is so laughable. If anything, I am more hungry than I have ever been before, only now it is for something much more satisfying.

 

Rawr.

[ScienceGal]

I feel like I am getting into this mid-range age of life and with all the things I've experienced, it's led me to figure out what I desire. I have played games. I have been the intense pursuer and have been pursued intensely. I have been wholly dedicated for years, lost myself, found myself, said no to abuse, fell in love, said yes to abuse, got my heart broken more than once, and am still looking for sparks. I have scars and I'm sure that throughout my growth process in life, I've given some too.

 

The point I am trying to make is that I have already had youthful fun. I am not a fickle child, and the idea that I could be placed into a category that is considered "leftovers" is so laughable. If anything, I am more hungry than I have ever been before, only now it is for something much more satisfying.

 

Rawr.

 

First time I have really smiled all day.

 

Thank you!

[Lady2163]

First time I have really smiled all day.

 

Thank you!

 

He started my day off with a laugh. I'm not sure what he is like in real life, but he's definitely an Internet sweetie!

[bluefeather]

Super nice of you gals to say. Thank you for making my day! Think I'll take a walk now. Better to quit while I'm ahead, eh? lol...

 

To the OP, I'm out there and so wish to love. I'm sure others are too!!

[Leigh 87]

I will say, dating over 30 will be near impossible if you have unrealistic standards and goals.

 

People here often think I'll be single for life because I only subscribe to fairy tales but I woll give you an honest account of how I think a near 30 s woman can successfully find a partner without being a spinster perpetually single......

 

At the end of the day, we have to be realistic. For instance, because I place so much emphasis on needing the initial spark and the NATURAL chemistry that is just " there " when you first talk, as opposed to allowing myself to date men that I am not that into at first and feel lukewarm about romantically ( but are such nice people), this means I have to be less picky about other areas....

 

It's about strongly identifying what's the most important to you and acknowledging that you cannot have it all, and you have to compromise you're needs. For example, I just love to be wined and dined and I think most women would prefer a man with a big " package ", LOL. But do you see me getting rid of my current beau because he is neither of the things? He still believes on treating a woman to dates occasionally and he isn't tight so who cares about being wined and wined regularly? We all want a million dollars tomorrow but we can be more than thrilled with like as it is, without the lotto win.

 

I feel so stoked and thrilled that I am dating a guy who I felt amazing chemistry with instantly, and with whom I feel totally comfortable around. He also noted that he felt very comfortable with me in a comparatively short amount of time. The chemistry and the fact we get along well is amazing in itself. He pays when we have grabbed a quick dinner and he isn't a Dutch guy. So basically, as he is ood and kind person, believes in employment and looks for work of he lost a job, be doesn't do drugs and he's compatible with me, I would be elated if this lasted.

 

What would make dating impossible for me? If I not only demanded the instant sparks and intense passion, and being really comfortable around one another....but if I want anymore than those two things BEYOND this guy being a kind and decent person who isnt a drug addled tight wad with his money????? I would definately be a spinster for life. Most definitely. If I wanted more than the things I've highlighted as essential for me.

[Popsicle]

I feel like I am getting into this mid-range age of life and with all the things I've experienced, it's led me to figure out what I desire. I have played games. I have been the intense pursuer and have been pursued intensely. I have been wholly dedicated for years, lost myself, found myself, said no to abuse, fell in love, said yes to abuse, got my heart broken more than once, and am still looking for sparks. I have scars and I'm sure that throughout my growth process in life, I've given some too.

 

The point I am trying to make is that I have already had youthful fun. I am not a fickle child, and the idea that I could be placed into a category that is considered "leftovers" is so laughable. If anything, I am more hungry than I have ever been before, only now it is for something much more satisfying.

 

Rawr.

 

That's wonderful. All over 30 single men and women should think like this.

[BluEyeL]

It is very possible to find love over 30, over 40 and even over 50. I did find love at 42 after being married in my early 20's and divorced at 37. Don't let anyone discourage you. You can absolutely find love . That is, if your head is where it should be and not in the clouds. If you look for the wrong things , what doesn't matter, it'll not happen and definitely not because of the age.

[Gloria25]

It's really offensive when people assume nearly 30 women like me are " left overs "

 

We aren't all ogres or plain Jane's who struggle for male attention.

 

Maybe we want to find real love and a mutual spark rather than mild lukewarm excitement?

 

It takes a lot of time in actuality. True romantic love takes a very looong tkme because mutual sparks and chemistry is very rare. It is almost always one sided or, even on the instances where two people are very mutually feeling the romantlr vibe, one person is often unavailable or just not compatible!

 

We aren't all shreck look alikes became we are single at 30!

 

And, we didn't default into marriage and/or kids just cuz we were approaching 30, scared to be alone, and/or didn't have a thing to do with ourselves.

 

Talk bad all you want about single women in our 30's then do a poll of all the people who are in "happy" marriages and/or divorced. especially now a days.

 

What men want in a woman now a days when it comes to marriage and/or kids, I'm not down for it - even when it comes to dating. I'm not paying half of your bills and/or putting my kids in daycare.

 

I also expect you to be a "man", stay in shape, not do drugs (including weed), have a life, and not be a lazy fart (i.e. cut grass, do handiguy stuff)...now a days, that's putting "high" expectations on guys.

 

I don't know any woman past 30's finding "love"...but then again, my social circle isn't that big. But, I can tell you tales of my married friends who make feel glad that I chose being single over marriage. I mean, what guys have to offer in a marriage now a days (a penis and a pulse) is something I can pick up on the weekends in a bar w/o comingling my finances and dealing with his drama.

[craw]

Leigh87, what really disturbs me that you keep saying you're not beautiful??? wtf? Learn to love yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

[Leigh 87]

And, we didn't default into marriage and/or kids just cuz we were approaching 30, scared to be alone, and/or didn't have a thing to do with ourselves.

 

Talk bad all you want about single women in our 30's then do a poll of all the people who are in "happy" marriages and/or divorced. especially now a days.

 

What men want in a woman now a days when it comes to marriage and/or kids, I'm not down for it - even when it comes to dating. I'm not paying half of your bills and/or putting my kids in daycare.

 

I also expect you to be a "man", stay in shape, not do drugs (including weed), have a life, and not be a lazy fart (i.e. cut grass, do handiguy stuff)...now a days, that's putting "high" expectations on guys.

 

I don't know any woman past 30's finding "love"...but then again, my social circle isn't that big. But, I can tell you tales of my married friends who make feel glad that I chose being single over marriage. I mean, what guys have to offer in a marriage now a days (a penis and a pulse) is something I can pick up on the weekends in a bar w/o comingling my finances and dealing with his drama.

 

 

Yeah one of my friends is in a blissfully magical relationship. The rest? Hmmmm.

 

One guy is in a loveless marriage with four kids and no way out. His wife depends on him and is a stay at home mother. He's a great guy and high-energy and charismatic.

 

The other friend is a woman age 42. She us with her love of her life but he doesn't feel the same way for her. He's a class A @sshole, talks down to her and calls me ugly and bad mouths me to her when she's on the phone to me. She goes to leave him regularly as she doesn't like or respect him as a person but she finds it so hard to severe ties with her " connection "

 

As you can see for my friend, having the intense passion and connection with someone doesn't mean it's happier to remain with said person if they are a cr@pay person! You're better off single SANS the fireworks and passion and crazy in love feelings.

 

I feel so blessed when compared to my friends cheating lying piece of sh*t of a partner.

 

It will be hard for her to find love again because she's 42, yes she's pretty for her age and in good shape but she has to go for older men and realize she won't have the options as me because I am younger.

[guest569]

What i dont get is that your thoughts are all over the shop Leigh, you are claiming that it is so hopeless and that they're all leftovers or divorced with some issues. Now back peddling with optimism. Then you talk yourself up and then bash yourself. Ugh, I cant keep up. And you're not even 30 yet.

[Gloria25]

It is very possible to find love over 30, over 40 and even over 50. I did find love at 42 after being married in my early 20's and divorced at 37. Don't let anyone discourage you. You can absolutely find love . That is, if your head is where it should be and not in the clouds. If you look for the wrong things , what doesn't matter, it'll not happen and definitely not because of the age.

 

Well "what" are people referring to when they talk about "love" past 30's. I mean, are they talking about someone just to grow old with? Are they talking about someone who they are having great sex with?

 

I mean, I was watching Snapped last nite and this loser moved in with her mum, and her mum was like 49 or something and found a guy older than her at a bar one night, started "dating" him...then moved him in and had him tell the loser daughter to move out.

 

Ok, for one, I, am not gonna move in some guy who is older than me into my place. He better have a pretty darn good reason for having to move in with me. I mean, no scrubs.

 

I also worked with a woman in her late 50's who married a guy in his late 60's and it was hard cuz he retired and she still had like a decade to go. She was stressed, missing work, etc. and ended up moving to the state "he" wanted to move to so he could be closer to his family. Also, while in her 50's she was in great shape. She biked, hiked, etc. He literally looked like he could pass for her father, had a hearing aid, had back pain that prevented him from doing stuff, was bald and overweight. Sorry, but I don't need "love" that bad if I'm gonna have to settle for a balding guy who can't get physical with me and expects me to uproot my life to accommodate his. But, then again, younger women do that too - we're always adjusting our lives to satisfy men.

 

So, like others posted here...for those who are finding "love" past 30's - I'm sure there's a lot of "settling" going on out there.

Edited September 8, 2015 by Gloria25

[Ruby Slippers]

So, like others posted here...for those who are finding "love" past 30's - I'm sure there's a lot of "settling" going on out there.

I just moved into a place that's more modest and much more affordable than the place I was living in the big city when I was stepping on the gas really hard with my small business. I love my new place. It's smaller and not as impressive to strangers, but it's cozy and very affordable. I'm now spending less than half what I was spending in Chicago on housing and bills, and this is enabling me to save more money and keep growing my business, without relying on investors or bank loans. That means independence, freedom, and that is priceless.

 

I guess you could say I'm "settling" for this place. It's not the sparkling gemstone of a home that my previous place was. It is very cute, and it works. But I don't feel like I'm settling. I feel blessed that I have the money to really deck this place out. I just ordered some awesome electroluminescent wire that I'm going to use to decorate my little creative tech office. It's gonna be like I'm flying a spaceship in here - which in my own special way, I am

 

As you mature, you realize more and more what really matters - like structural integrity - and you realize what really doesn't - like surface flash. If you get both and it works out for you, awesome. But as they say, What glitters isn't always gold.