CautiousCactus Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Heyo, For the life of me I am terrible at summarizing so ill keep this long and privately detailed as possible. This has been on my mind for over two months now and I cant seem to find closure/what to do with this situation. so without further ado here is my story. So I met this amazing girl a while back during the winter. She was my friend's girlfriend at the time and just started dating. It was the usual hi, hello conversations. I never paid her enough attention at the time because she was dating my friend and I was mostly settling down doing my own thing to get things ready for the next school year. I'm one year older than all of my close friends so I frequently visit them during lunch time before going to work. So at this time we weren't conversing a lot besides lunch break. Two months pass and I went to a party that one of my close friends was hosting and of course she was there too. So eventually during the party I managed to get her number and we start friendly texting of course so conversing started to ramp up. Another month passed and they broke up. I found out when her a friend and I were all hanging out that my friend prompted to ask her if she wanted to "tell me or not", she chose not to tell. So here I am, my mind is racing and the main thought on my mind was "does she like me?" So I went home and on the way home I call up her ex for some help on some advice for something I cant remember. That's when he broke the news to me, that last night she broke up with him and last night was a pretty eventful night or a party I should say. They seem to have played it off as casual because we were a big group of friends and I guess they didnt want to sour the crazy joyful atmosphere that we give off during lunch time. Several days later I went to a party that one of my friends was hosting. Long story of this story short we ended up talking for hours over something that we both have an interest in. It was a great night went home tired and full of thoughts. Woke up the next day to a text from her and basically that's where we started texting each other, a lot. I guess this is where the flower bloomed. I forgot to tell you about her. Well she is shy, mostly quiet unless you get her ramped up into a heated conversation, doesnt have much friends, her ex was actually her first real relationship, mostly stays at home, is known for not being able to keep up a long conversation, hard to talk to, doesnt flirt at all mostly is just straight up. Ok back to the story So a few weeks pass and my friend and her ex went to an event that lasted for several days. Why you may ask? Because a while ago when she was dating him they bought tickets to go to the event later, so yeah he needed someone to go with and it just so happens that I am a big fan of this event. So off we went knowing that we will end up bumping into her but it was a forced bump because I asked if she wanted to meet up, she accepted. So we end up meeting up with her and her friend and just having a great time with a somewhat awkward atmosphere. --This is where I become selfish and end up making bad descions-- I was really nervous I had just developed feelings for her and her ex was there but I really wanted to take her somewhere away from her friend and ex just to hang out but this being a big event lasting several days I know thats not reasonable even if I did it would seem fishy. Also her ex was trying to starting up conversations with her so I just left them alone. So I just ended up talking to her friend an awful lot. Well that was day 1 of 3. Day 2 We met up again the same 4 of us. But then during the middle of the day my friend (her ex) had to leave. You'd think this would be my chance. Well it was but too many things fell into place for an unfavorable answer. Us three had a great time and all that nonsense. It was when we met up with another group of friends at the event to eat where I recieved a text from her calling me a . I was confused as to why but then I soon later come to find a long time after this event that she thought I was flirting with her friend, mind you this was way after this event but this was her thoughts at the time. So after eating we went to a dance party, everyone is having a jolly good time. But as for me, I was thinking to myself "its do or die." Dance party ended and here we are waiting for our rides long story short I tried to set her aside but then her ride came so had to leave. Get ready to cringe. So a few minutes later that do or die mentality was still stuck in my head and I only really built up the courage to ask her but she is gone for the night. I was thinking to myself, would I let this courage that ive built up during the day while her ex had to leave be put to waste? Hell no! So what did I do? I texted her. I texted if she wanted to go out sometime and all that jazz. Then it hit me like some animal getting ran over by a semi-truck. Note that this was my first time actually asking someone out. I was a huge loner way back when. So me, being that dying animal lying in the middle of the road started to have sudden realizations just like they say, your life flashes right before your eyes. 1. She broke up with him not even a month ago so doesnt she need a break? 2. Both of us are part of a bigger group of friends as well as her ex so what would that affect our group? 3. How would her ex feel, does she still care about him? 4. Is this really the best time to ask? 5. Have I messed up so hard that I may have thrown away both her ex and her friendships down the drain? That whole night I didnt receive a text back. Note also that she asked a close friend of mine what should she do in this situation and he was all for it but, again, I didnt find this out until way after the event ended. The thing was, there was one more day left. Day 3 The whole day I could tell she was trying to avoid me, well at least thats what I thought. Fast forward to the end of the day and the same situation waiting for our rides home. Here's the scene, all of us are sitting underneath a tree in the shade. So here I am dying inside wanting an answer. So I proceed to ask her nonchalantly so as to not attract unwanted attention from her ex. Her exact answer was "It depends." I played it cool assuming that she wanted to talk about it afterwards. Didnt end up happening. After that whole mess of an attempt we didnt talk as regularly and absolutely not about what happened that day and I could sense an uneasy vibe whenever im around her. This lasted about a week, the next week after I wanted to settle this uneasy vibe so I told her I wanted to talk to her away from the group. It took 2 tries. I ended up apologizing for what I did (in person and not in text) that day (she thought it was about "flirting" with her friend which I genuinely wasnt) and asked if we could still be friends because the vibe was near the role of acquaintances. She accepted and proceeded to ask me if I was a close friend with her ex, I declined. Makes me wonder why she asked that question. As to why I apologized, I got no idea. It just seemed like the best thing to do in that situation. Well in my head it was at least. So that managed to patch things up, somewhat. In my head whilst walking back to the group I was thinking I left a hole there mostly because I wanted a definite answer from when I asked her out but then I decided to take it slow, one step at a time. I later realized that was a mistake because that hole would be there forever until I get an answer. But at the time I was happy and satisfied that we are in the friend status now. So as you would expect, we started talking more often and she hold the conversations we have quite nicely. A month after was exam month and there was an event that was going on in my town. So I asked her if she wanted to go with me to check it out. Obviously in my mind it was a date. It was on a weekend too. She replied saying that she doesnt know if she has the time because after all, it is exam time and these grades matter when it comes to applying to colleges or university. So i gave her until friday meanwhile still texting. Friday comes around and again long story short she said no, which I wasnt dissapointed because after all, it is exam time. But she did ask me some questions about the event and it did seem like she was interested in going, its just that you know, exams. Maybe im overthinking this. Probably am. Anyways roll around summer time still texting regularly, like as in every day and I notice that she is being more open in her texts. Our big group of friends planned a party at a beach and she was there of course. I forgot to add that she is going to university a long ways away from town, like 10 hours-ish. So here I am wanting an answer, so I finally mustered up the courage late in the night at a somewhat romantic area of the beach and just spit it all out. Confession and everything. In the end she said "sorry im not interested." Im sitting there with my heart that sank down to my pelvis trying not to shed one manly tear. An awkward silence occurs, the two of us sitting there, it felt like forever but it was actually 5-10 seconds give or take. Then out of nowhere she brings up a topic to talk about so as to smooth the butter out. Talked there alone for around 10-20 minutes until the group noticed we were gone and were off to search for us. Played it cool until I arrived home. Still had a fun day though. The next day she texts me as if nothing happened and we would continue texting back and forth paragraphs upon paragraphs of stuff still to this day. Whats my point? Well yeah I did get my answer. Am i satisfied with it? No. Because I still have romantic feelings for her. I have consulted my friends about this and here are some of the responses. - She may just want to keep you around because she is leaving for University maybe somewhere down the road things might click - Doesnt want a relationship right now because the breakup was too recent Thing is why would she keep texting me after she rejected me? Some say that she just wants a close friend, which I understand. But as for me I want to be more than just friends and ive come to the conclusion that I take it up the ass and still talk to her because i really do enjoy talking to her and I know my romantic feelings for her will die down. Still to this day I really dont know if she reciprocates the same feelings for me or am I just overthinking this. Thing is I want answers and I know i may not have all the answers but whatever works, right? Here they are: - What do I do now? - What would have you done? - Why would she keep texting me after she rejected me? - In order to ease my sanity should I just completely cut her off? There's more I just cant think of them right now. Any and all feedback means a lot to me. There you go and thanks for reading, I just really wanted to get that off my chest. I hope to read some feedback and find some closure on this from the community, thanks in advance! <3
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Very long.... This could all have been summed up with: "Fell for a friend's ex-GF, but in spite of exchanging many texts and being really friendly, when I approached her about dating, she said no. Why do you think this happened?" Answer? She's friend-zoned you. As far as she is concerned she told you she's not interested in a relationship. But she's quite happy to keep you as a friend, because she likes you, and assumes you have accepted that, digested it, and can move on. See, she has no romantic, intimate feelings for you, and maybe she just doesn't get how deeply your feelings run for her. But she considers you a buddy - and always has done. If you don't want to be in the friend-zone, or feel you can't cope with it, or handle it, then you need to tell her, cut contact and go your own way and let her go hers.
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