WhereSpiritsRoam Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 This is just a general question thrown out for discussion. I know several women who stay with boyfriends that are clearly jealous, controlling people. Their boyfriends interrogate them when another guy calls, or have a hundred questions when she says she's hanging out with friends. Most of these women say that while they don't like their SO's being so insecure, they deal with it because it's supposedly better than being alone. This doesn't make sense to me. I would much rather be alone than with someone who was constantly questioning every part of my life. And I suppose it goes both ways, but from my observations, it's often the girls that stay with guys that are like this. Let the debate begin!
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Some possible reasons: 1. They are addicted to misery - they can't be happy or function unless the relationship is dramatic or miserable. 2. They are frightened that the guy will hurt them if they try to leave. 3. They are emotionally masochistic. 4. They don't realize (or care) that there are other people out there who will love them like they need to be loved. 5. They literally don't know any better: for them, this is how a 'normal' relationship should be. 6. They are very passive. ... and so on.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 they like to be dominated and controlled. most women do to varying degrees but these are extreme situatuions.
Illusion24 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I think it's something deeper than that. A man doesn't automatically start to be a psycho when you first meet them. In order for a man to be so controlling and jealous he has to have reasons. Whether he makes them up because he's an a**h*** or because his woman is giving him reason to believe he needs to be this way. Some woman love misery. They don't understand what it is to live happy and aren't satisfied if theirs not drama. It also comes down to love. A woman in love forget it...it's history. If she loves him or did in the beginning she will always through the whole drama think of all the reason why she loves him and that what makes her stay. She hardly ever thinks outside the box and realizes this guy is doing me harm. Other reason a woman would stay is because he's made her feel so guilty about no one ever loving her the way he does. My ex was HORRIBLE!! He would check my phone, my bag from work, stay in front of my house till 3 in the morning to see if I would leave with another guy...HE MADE ME FEEL GUILTY...bottom line. I would try so hard to prove to him I wasn't cheating on him but it was never enough. Until one day I looked at him and I was disgusted !! So, yeah I cried because we were together for so long but his last words to me were "I hope you don't let any man use you or treat you bad...though that's what you deserve"... Freak!!!!!
scarlyjones Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 all great points!!!!! ANother one I hear all the time is that guys who do this,....usually have VERY low self worth, and self esteem. They constantly think that ANY and ALL situations could possibly lose him his wife or GF. He convinces himself that in order to keep her,..he must make her feel so terrible about herself, that she thinks that NOBODY would want her. Calls her fat,...whore,...stupid,...whatever. Verbally abusive to the point where she starts to think that HE is the best she could ever do. Then when THAT doesnt work anymore,...thats when the physical abuse sets in. The "if you leave me,..I'll kill you,...the kids,...your family" threats begin. Very sad. ALOT of times women fall for these types of abuse.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Some woman love misery. They don't understand what it is to live happy and aren't satisfied if theirs not drama. Amen to that sister! Some men are in this category also.
Illusion24 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Amen to that sister! Some men are in this category also. This is so true...My ex of 2 years oh my gosh was he depressed. He made s*** up in his head and sometimes all I could do is laugh and that would just get him HOT ....I couldn't help it...come to think of it I should have left him a long time ago but of course the whole guilt trip got to me...TO THINK I ALMOST MARRIED HIM..AHHHHHH!!!!
moimeme Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 they like to be dominated and controlled. most women do to varying degrees but these are extreme situatuions. What utter bunk.
Mz. Pixie Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I think also that sometimes women mistake this for real love. "Gosh, he loves me so much that he doesn't want me to look at anyone else" and they are flattered by it at first. By the time they realize what a real jerk the guy is, they are usually either in love or too brow beaten to leave him.
scarlyjones Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 It all comes down to people just being very insecure.
Illusion24 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 It all comes down to people just being very insecure. RIGHT ON...!!
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones It all comes down to people just being very insecure. for every woman who stays with a jealous and possessive man there is also a man who stays with a jealous and possessive woman
ConfusedSensitiveGuy Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 HAHA 9 times out of 10 it's the girl being Controlling and jealous! You know why? because I find most girls are hypocrites. Get this, My girlfriend goes out with her guy friend Or talks to her guy friends on the phone and I ask for some details she Accuses me of being jealous( i am so what, I'm jealous in a healthy way) I talk to any girl no matter what!! She gets all sad and Gives me the third degree and there is nothing wrong with it. I trust my girlfriend. She's a good girl. I just need to ask the routine questions to stop my brain from exploding (how do you know him, Whats his name, is he Single) Every girl i have dated has been like this to some degree. To me i really don't care!!! If only my parents did that to me maybe i would not of got into drugs or alcohol at a young age..... Think about that
scarlyjones Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 uh,...........good for you??? I think..... hopefully you stopped the drugs and alcohol thing. But anyways,....yeah you're right about that. Its funny how many girls reallym truely WANT to believe that "this guy only wants to be my friend" "hes not interested in just banging me" lol.....ha ha ha...........whatever. Some girls really kid themselves.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedSensitiveGuy 9 times out of 10 it's the girl being Controlling and jealous! So true, CSG. When men do it, it's called controlling and jealous. When women do it, it is nothing. You know why? because I find most girls are hypocrites. They are! And they're also full of shyt too. Get this, My girlfriend goes out with her guy friend Or talks to her guy friends on the phone and I ask for some details she Accuses me of being jealous( i am so what, I'm jealous in a healthy way) Ha! I've heard that a hundred times CSG. I talk to any girl no matter what!! She gets all sad and Gives me the third degree and there is nothing wrong with it. Or heavens forbid you look at another women and not even talk with her. All of sudden you are a cheater and untrustworthy cause you undressed her with your eyes.
tanbark813 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 If the girl in question is a good girl, then yeah, it's the guy being insecure. However, the girl may very well be staying with the guy because she knows he's right to be suspicious because she's out f*cking other dudes behind his back.
Illusion24 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 ( i am so what, I'm jealous in a healthy way) You know this comment really made me think. Of course once in a while WE all get a little jealous and feel a little tingle saying "HMMM what's this girl/guy all about, talking to my girl/guy, shyyyttt!!"... You said MOST girls are like that...And I'm not going to contradict myself I do get jealous but when I feel I need to be. For example, the other day this guy I'm kinda seeing here and their made a comment playing around... He said..."Oh yeah well I can go find another girl"...So with a smerk and with my big as pride I looked at him and said " Go ahead try and find one better than me...You won't"!!! Whether it's true or not, he liked it...It made him think, damn she's got confidence...but inside I was like "oh yeah muthaf***a this means war..."but playing around of course and I did get a little bothered not jealous just a little hint of damn... You know what I mean!
ConfusedSensitiveGuy Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Whether it's true or not, he liked it...It made him think, damn she's got confidence...but inside I was like "oh yeah muthaf***a this means war..."but playing around of course and I did get a little bothered not jealous just a little hint of damn... You know what I mean! I agree, noone likes a person who is too available. To me i love that fact that other guys want my girlfriend! Sure i get angry when guys make rude comments but she just acts like she doesn't hear them. I rather have the "SHE CHOSE ME" Feeling, Than some feeling that she's only with me cause i kill every guy that looks at her and she's Affraid to leave me. Lets face it, humans contradict themselves All the time. We want the Security but then we get bored!
Illusion24 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Lets face it, humans contradict themselves All the time. We want the Security but then we get bored! Amen...!
scarlyjones Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Its a big game,......and we all want to play. Its just that nobody likes to lose
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