eastern_mystique Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Last Friday (a week ago) I met the ex after college for a coffee and told him that I need a break from him COMPLETELY and that from this time until the end of exams (approx. 25th June) I wanted no contact with him whatsoever. He looked a bit shell shocked and sad (he said it was like I was breaking up with him, and that it would be hard not to see each other) but agreed that it would be the best thing for both of us. At the moment it's a temporary break, but it could turn into a permanent one depending on how the situation is the next time we meet up. I have no desire to be just his "friend". I need it because I want to concentrate on my exams and the rest of my life, which I cannot do while he's in it. And he needs it because he takes me for granted and because he can't imagine his life without me in it (he said something to that effect recently). In the two months or so we've been broken up, we still saw each other on a regular basis, the longest we've gone without any kind of contact (phone, text or in person) is about 4 days. So to suddenly be faced with the prospect of this long period of time of no contact whatsoever, well it's daunting to say the least. It's been a week now. I haven't talked to him or attempted to contact him in any way, and he hasn't seen me. I'm quite proud of myself actually! I wasn't sure if I'd stick to this, but I have to, I won't give in. The only thing I perhaps shouldn't have done is tell him I want NC, I should have just done it.....but what's done is done. I saw him yesterday, but he didn't see me. I was in the car, driving out of college and I saw him and his friend walking out. Even seeing him for those two seconds, this whole wave of longing came over me. But it was reassuring to see him. It's strange knowing that I could contact him or go and see him any time, but I can't because of NC, and so it makes me feel like he's on the other side of the world...so to see him just reminds me, no he's not gone forever, he's still here. I know that, but I don't feel it. I don't actually WANT to call him or see him, I want to stay away from him. Yet I miss him so much and I think about him all the time. It's such a paradox.... I know what I'm doing is right. But it's not easy. I feel like I've lost some vital part of me that I can function without, but that life is so much harder without it, like only having one kidney or one lung. I feel like I've lost my best friend The only comfort I can get is knowing that most likely he is going through something similar. I was always there for him, to listen to him, to support him, to entertain him, and now he's being completely denied of that. And 1 week has already gone by, so just another 6 to go..... In the meantime I'm keeping my faith in God/ Higher Power/ the Universe strong, as I know this will all work out in the end. I'm strengthening my relationship with my family, which I unfortunately neglected a bit whilst I was going out with my b/f, I'm getting back to doing the things I love (guitar, reading, art, poetry) which also fell by the wayside during my relationship with him, and just working on making myself a better person from the inside out. I made the mistake of getting completely absorbed in our relationship (and also into his life as well) while we were together, when I should have practised moderation and restraint. I've stopped crying as well. It's like the tears just aren't there anymore. It's odd to still feel the way I do, but not even have that method of release. Anyway, sorry for the length, just felt like venting all in one go. Hope everyone else on the NC path is doing well.
Marshbear Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I know what you mean. I have a girl who I liked but she just wanted to be friends. I tried the friends thing and decided I couldn't do it. I told her we would just have to be acquaintances only and I would still speak if I saw her. Well, she hot so mad and said some really nasty things to me which really made me question if she really was ever my friend. I had a hard time letting go of her as I saw her probably 2 or 3 times a week and when I did it just brought out all the feelings. I finally decided that I had to go to full NC in order to get her out of my mind completely. I have been doing this for about 2 weeks now and it has given me a different perspective on our relationship. Nc is a great tool because the "out of sight, out of mind" saying has some value. You really need to stop all contact with someone you like in order to see things clearly and decide what to do. Good Luck....
notmakingsense Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 NC means "No Contact" -- and I have to say, I've only started my most recent NC (3 days), and I'm having a really tough time! In my case, I wrote a note to my gf explaining my frustrations with our relationship, and she went NC on me for a week -- without an explanation! I finally got her to call me 3 days ago, and she told me she needed the time to "process things." To me, this is worse than a break-up (or even a temporary break), because she hasn't told me where she stands with all of this..... arrrgh! I'm just trying not to be weak and call her. I'm dealing with the feeling that "out of sight, out of mind" will cause her place even less importance on me -- which might not be a bad thing -- given how she is treating me.
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