why won't he leave me alone

[opalant]

I was with my ex for 3 years and 3 months but at the end of the relationship he gave me a black eye in anger, he broke up with me and I left straight away.

 

I deleted him from everything as soon as I left his house that day and started NC. However I work with his Dad and I have no other way of getting to work apart from getting a lift from his Dad. My ex has a motorbike but purposefully comes in the car too so that he can see me and talk to me.

 

I know I should quit my job but I love my job and getting one similar would be very difficult and wouldn't be as good pay. I'm going to get the tram too and from work in the future but can't currently because of road works.

 

Anyway I agreed to be civil with my ex, I don't even want to be his friend after what he did to me and he agreed also. But he's always touching me and flirting with me. I also posted a thread the other day about finding him on Tinder, it hurt me at the time but the next day I didn't care, I just feel sorry for whoever talks to him.

 

I've deleted him on everything but he's admitted to still checking my profiles and asked me to like him back on Tinder, I simply messaged him goodbye to put an end to the conversation but he sent me a load more messages until finally he gave up and called me an a**hole.

 

He's now on holiday with his Dad and I opened my Facebook messenger to find he'd sent me a picture of his face and 'hello', why is he still bothering me? He left me, said he's happy without me so why is he doing this? I panicked but I didn't reply and blocked him, I didn't want to have to do that because I want to be civil but it's just too much. Did I do the right thing?

[Happines]

Report it to police and you will get restraining order against him high means he will completely leave u alone...the guy gave you a black eye thata a good enough reason to make sure he never bothers you again

[ExpatInItaly]

He does it because that's what abusers do - attempt to maintain control over their victims. Block him on FB too. Don't reply to him under any circumstance.

 

Get a different job.

 

In the meantime, make it exceedingly clear that he is not to speak to you or touch you. Tell him if he does, you will not hesitate to contact the police.

[opalant]

I've actually thought about getting a restraining order against him but I'm only 18, it feels so surreal that this is happening to me, I feel like it hasn't gotten that bad yet but if he continues to harass me I will most likely go to the police.

 

I don't have his number and I don't know it so I can't block that, but I have blocked him on everything else.

 

I know that he's most likely reaching out because he wants his ego stroking, but I'm so far from caring, I feel no urge to reply anymore. I just don't get it, he's hurt me enough so why does he have to keep trying to re open the wounds, I'm just trying to move on. :/

 

I'm looking for new jobs but I can't quit this current one until I do so as then I'll have no income to pay for my college course, it's a vicious cycle.

 

I've told him before not to touch me and to stop contacting me because I don't want any kind of relationship with him, but he just doesn't listen. Hopefully now that I've blocked him he'll stop trying to find other ways to contact me.

[Zagan]

You should have reported him to the police when he physically assaulted you. It wasn't just a push or a shove (either way no person has a right to violently put their hands on you) he gave you a black eye.

Maybe you should speak to his dad and tell him that his son physically assaulted you and you are frightened (you can exaggerate it's ok) of him and if he doesn't leave you alone you will contact the police. If he's around the same age as you then I'm pretty sure neither he nor his father would want him to have a police record for assaulting/harrassing women. Tell him you thought you could handle it until he started contacting you again (incase he wonders why you hadn't said anything before) and that you aren't going to put up with it anymore.

[opalant]

I know I should have reported it but I felt like all the hassle of it would just have made the hurt from the break up even worse, he was emotionally abusive too and I was worried that if I did go to the police some how he would turn it around to be my fault so I just ignored him instead.

 

His Dad knows that it happened but his son told him that it was my fault too somehow, I don't even know what he said to make him believe that and it's all just kind of been hushed up and forgotten about.

 

I will talk to his Dad about it though if he persists because whenever I feel like I'm actually moving on that's when he reaches out to me.

[opalant]

It's been 2 days since he spoke to me on Facebook and I blocked him straight away hoping that would have been the last time I heard from him, but nope.

 

I was getting ready to go out last night when a number I didn't recognise messaged me saying 'why did you block me on facebook?' then it clicked that it was my ex and I recognised the number.

 

Now I know I should have blocked the number ages ago, but I deleted it first and I couldn't remember the digits so I couldn't block it until he messaged me again.

 

I knew that if I just kept ignoring him he was just going to keep trying so I replied. I said that we hadn't been together for 3 months now and for him to just leave me alone.

 

He then said that that was no reason for me to block him and why was I being such an ar*e.

 

I then reminded him that he'd broken up with me and given me a black eye to which he said 'fair enough' and then proceeded to try and tell me why what he did was justified.

 

I then said 'I agreed to be civil with you for the sake of my job but I don't want to be your friend. Now stop bothering me.' Because I thought the bluntness of it would finally get into his head and he'd stop.

 

But no.

 

He then black mailed me with my job basically saying that if I don't still speak to him then I won't be able to have my job anymore because he's the reason why I got it. He also said sorry for what happened between us, but in a way as though he'd just lent £5 off me and never given it back and not physically and emotionally abused me.

 

I then sent this:

'You left me, after that your right to see me and speak to me disappeared. I'm not going to be an ar*e with you. I'll be civil with you when we have to see each other but I'm not going to be here for you to talk to when you're bored.'

 

He then said sorry to bother you, now I know where we stand that's alright.

 

He's made me feel like such a bad person for cutting him out like that, like I've abandoned a baby puppy even though he's done all these bad things to me. Seriously what was going through his head when he sent me those messages? What does he want?

 

The part where he said 'now I know where we stand' has gotten to me the most because he left me, months ago now, surely when he made that decision he was the one that knew where he stood the most?

 

Was I right in what I said? I didn't reply to his last message and now have his number blocked too. But I feel so bad now and I don't know why. I don't want him back.

[Seth0194]

It's been 2 days since he spoke to me on Facebook and I blocked him straight away hoping that would have been the last time I heard from him, but nope.

 

I was getting ready to go out last night when a number I didn't recognise messaged me saying 'why did you block me on facebook?' then it clicked that it was my ex and I recognised the number.

 

Now I know I should have blocked the number ages ago, but I deleted it first and I couldn't remember the digits so I couldn't block it until he messaged me again.

 

I knew that if I just kept ignoring him he was just going to keep trying so I replied. I said that we hadn't been together for 3 months now and for him to just leave me alone.

 

He then said that that was no reason for me to block him and why was I being such an ar*e.

 

I then reminded him that he'd broken up with me and given me a black eye to which he said 'fair enough' and then proceeded to try and tell me why what he did was justified.

 

I then said 'I agreed to be civil with you for the sake of my job but I don't want to be your friend. Now stop bothering me.' Because I thought the bluntness of it would finally get into his head and he'd stop.

 

But no.

 

He then black mailed me with my job basically saying that if I don't still speak to him then I won't be able to have my job anymore because he's the reason why I got it. He also said sorry for what happened between us, but in a way as though he'd just lent £5 off me and never given it back and not physically and emotionally abused me.

 

I then sent this:

'You left me, after that your right to see me and speak to me disappeared. I'm not going to be an ar*e with you. I'll be civil with you when we have to see each other but I'm not going to be here for you to talk to when you're bored.'

 

He then said sorry to bother you, now I know where we stand that's alright.

 

He's made me feel like such a bad person for cutting him out like that, like I've abandoned a baby puppy even though he's done all these bad things to me. Seriously what was going through his head when he sent me those messages? What does he want?

 

The part where he said 'now I know where we stand' has gotten to me the most because he left me, months ago now, surely when he made that decision he was the one that knew where he stood the most?

 

Was I right in what I said? I didn't reply to his last message and now have his number blocked too. But I feel so bad now and I don't know why. I don't want him back.

 

You need to call the authorities, an abusive relationship never gets better it gets worse, especially when he sees he can not manipulate you or has control over you.

 

This goes beyond an ex trying to make the break up easier on themselves, it sounds like he has serious issues you do not want to be anywhere near him.

 

As for the job, if his dad is the only ride you have fine, but if he is in the car, do not go with them, miss work if you have too.

 

opalant I hope all goes well in your journey, but get the authorities evolved and do not wait. We are here if you need us.

[opalant]

He has 0 control over me, I think he can feel me finally pulling away and everything he's tried in the past to get control over me again isn't working this time. I've finally had enough.

 

I'm probably going to see him next Monday when I go to work and if he doesn't respect my boundaries this final time I'm going to let him know that I'll be contacting the police because I'm constantly worried that he's going to pop up somewhere and never leave me alone.

 

I have blocked him on everything and only ever see him because of work, but I'm going to speak to his Dad too and find out if there is any way that my ex can travel on his motorbike to work instead of near me because it's getting out of hand now the amount his son is pestering me.

 

As soon as I feel better that's when he contacts me again and it keeps setting me back. Thanks for the advice, I just want to try and sort this out as much as I can without having to get the police involved because I feel like it'll be too stressful for me to handle right now seen as I'm just starting college.

[Zagan]

 

 

He's made me feel like such a bad person for cutting him out like that, like I've abandoned a baby puppy even though he's done all these bad things to me. Seriously what was going through his head when he sent me those messages? What does he want?

 

The part where he said 'now I know where we stand' has gotten to me the most because he left me, months ago now, surely when he made that decision he was the one that knew where he stood the most?

 

Was I right in what I said? I didn't reply to his last message and now have his number blocked too. But I feel so bad now and I don't know why. I don't want him back.

 

Because that's exactly what abusive people do. He wants to make you feel bad, and like you are the one in the wrong, and if he starts to see he can get to you in any way he will keep pushing harder and harder at the cracks.

 

It doesn't matter if he got you the job! You have the job and it's yours, he can't go into the company and say "well, I helped her get this job and she won't let me abuse her anymore so can you fire her".. Stop letting him manipulate you.

 

In one conversation he tried to justify physically assaulting you, called you names and then tried to blackmail you about your job, and you ended up being the one to feel guilty? You are 18, if you let him back in now in any way at all you can pretty much kiss goodbye to any kind of happiness you hoped for over the next couple of years.

 

Save any txts he has sent you, and contact the police, he's blackmailed you, he's harrassing you repeatedly after being told to stop several times, and it won't stop here. People with abusive personalities can do crazy things when they aren't getting their own way or feel like they are losing their control over somebody.. So the earlier you deal with this once and for all, the better.

[opalant]

I know he's just manipulating me, I'm trying to force myself to just see it for what it is, he's just trying to get at me and I know that he's the one in the wrong not me but it's hard getting out of the mindset he's put me in for years. I was with him since I was 15, I'm now 18 so it's really the only thing I've ever known relationship wise.

 

I've tried not to show him that he's getting to me though by being blunt in my messages and blocking him straight away.

 

I'm just worried because I work with his Dad, it's a short term contract that gets renewed every 3 months or so and I'm scared at the end of it because of all of this that his Dad will say I can no longer work there and get someone else in instead. But maybe that will be a good thing. :/

 

I'm not going to let him back in, when he's broken up with me in the past I used to think of ways to get him back but this time ever since the break up I've been focused on moving on. Him hitting me was definitely the final straw and the final push I needed to get rid of him from my life.

 

Yeah I've made sure to save all of the messages, mostly just so I can read over them to remind myself how much of a d**k he is but I'll be sure to use them if I have to go to the police, I'm just hoping now that he'll stop or at least if I speak to his Dad first he might able to stop him from seeing me.

[Zagan]

I know he's just manipulating me, I'm trying to force myself to just see it for what it is, he's just trying to get at me and I know that he's the one in the wrong not me but it's hard getting out of the mindset he's put me in for years. I was with him since I was 15, I'm now 18 so it's really the only thing I've ever known relationship wise.

 

I've tried not to show him that he's getting to me though by being blunt in my messages and blocking him straight away.

 

I'm just worried because I work with his Dad, it's a short term contract that gets renewed every 3 months or so and I'm scared at the end of it because of all of this that his Dad will say I can no longer work there and get someone else in instead. But maybe that will be a good thing. :/

 

I'm not going to let him back in, when he's broken up with me in the past I used to think of ways to get him back but this time ever since the break up I've been focused on moving on. Him hitting me was definitely the final straw and the final push I needed to get rid of him from my life.

 

Yeah I've made sure to save all of the messages, mostly just so I can read over them to remind myself how much of a d**k he is but I'll be sure to use them if I have to go to the police, I'm just hoping now that he'll stop or at least if I speak to his Dad first he might able to stop him from seeing me.

 

Aye speak to his dad first. But like you say...It probably is best if you started looking for somewhere else to work too. Not only because it gives him a window into your life but because you need something more permanent, not something that will be in question every 3 months.

[stillafool]

The best thing that could happen to you right now is to lose that job. You do not need to be around your ex or his Dad. Your ex is a brute and don't ask him to leave you alone tell him that if he doesn't leave you alone and stop all contact you will file a restraining order. Don't be meek about it but stand tall and strong and let him know you will no longer put up with his harassment.

[opalant]

I've blocked him on everything now, but next time I have to see him and he crosses my boundaries I won't be hesitating to tell him that I'll be contacting the police to get a restraining order if he doesn't stop because it's pi**ing me off now more than anything. I just want to get on with my life.