is it stubbornness?

[QueenDafine]

So I noticed this one thing I seem to do in relationships and I don't know how many other people do it but it's pretty dumb. I noticed that whenever I have a problem with my partner, like for example if he suddenly stops asking how my day was, if he never says Thank you anymore, if he's constantly on his phone when he's with me, if he never wants to take me out to dinner once in a while or if he just will text me whenever it suits him, well then I won't bring this up with him about how it annoys me so much. Instead I'll let it build up until I burst over all these little things coming to make a bigger problem. And I discovered that it annoys me more that he doesn't NOTICE that he shouldnt do that stuff, that he should just KNOW not to do it. Like I feel like I shouldn't have to tell him to please ask me how may day was going, or ask him to send me goodmorning texts, because you should just do those things for someone you love. Maybe this is part of the problem of why females get pissed off with males and think they should know what's wrong hahaha. Because it's black and white that you should know to just not do the things that annoy us. I don't know, it all sounds pretty childish and ignorant but it's annoying!just a thought I was having

[ExpatInItaly]

It's a matter of different expectations and good communication.

 

I'm a woman too. When I was younger, I didn't always know how to communicate what I wanted which led to me feeling angry and frustrated and the guy feeling confused about why I was upset. I have since learned that not everyone expresses love or desire in the same way, and you can never assume that the other person should just "know" that certain things are expected of them. Nobody can read minds.

 

The real mark of maturity in a relationship is being able to express your needs without blowing up, and understanding that your vision of love isn't ever going to be just the same as someone else's. Effectively communicating through these differences is what gives a relationship the foundation and strength it needs to grow.

[losangelena]

So I noticed this one thing I seem to do in relationships and I don't know how many other people do it but it's pretty dumb. I noticed that whenever I have a problem with my partner, like for example if he suddenly stops asking how my day was, if he never says Thank you anymore, if he's constantly on his phone when he's with me, if he never wants to take me out to dinner once in a while or if he just will text me whenever it suits him, well then I won't bring this up with him about how it annoys me so much. Instead I'll let it build up until I burst over all these little things coming to make a bigger problem. And I discovered that it annoys me more that he doesn't NOTICE that he shouldnt do that stuff, that he should just KNOW not to do it. Like I feel like I shouldn't have to tell him to please ask me how may day was going, or ask him to send me goodmorning texts, because you should just do those things for someone you love. Maybe this is part of the problem of why females get pissed off with males and think they should know what's wrong hahaha. Because it's black and white that you should know to just not do the things that annoy us. I don't know, it all sounds pretty childish and ignorant but it's annoying!just a thought I was having

 

But it isn't always black and white.

 

I agree with Expat. People have different expectations in relationships. To say that a man should just "know not to do it" is having far too many expectations. Why should he read your mind and know when something bothers you or doesn't? Why can't you say something about it BEFORE you boil over?

 

Maybe he's stopped doing all these things because of how you react over it?

[Lois_Griffin]

I think you have a point, OP.

 

If he always asked before how your day was and then stopped, that just shows he got lazy and complacent. He obviously knows the minimal rules of socialization if it was something he always used to ask you before. So he can hardly use the excuse that he 'didn't know' when he used to do it. So any excuse other than being a lazy, uninspired ass doesn't wash.

 

When someone almost goes out of their way to treat you like a non-entity, it's time to kick his ass to the curb. You shouldn't have to ask for BASIC consideration and common courtesy.

[QueenDafine]

I'm not asking for advice here Im just stating a fact of a certain aspect I have in my personality and I've come to notice it probably as a huge flaw? I don't know, but the fact for me is that I like to think he should know me enough to know what is bothering me and how to fix it. I know it sounds really childish but it's just the way I thought/think of things. Something I can't really change to be honest. Like yeah, common courtesy shouldn't even be something you have to think about in relationship. This is just something I notice I do alot.