My girlfriend is being paid to be a stand in girlfriend for another guy

[thunder777]

i moved in with a girl i was seeing after about 4 months, unfortunately after a week she lost her $70,000 daycare job as managing director

 

she then decides she would do cash in hand landscaping with a guy she may have slept with previously, red flag??

 

then after about 2 weeks he offers her money to clean his house, do his washing, his dishes, scrub his bathroom and at the same time she can also smoke all his weed throughout the day

 

so there i was in our own home spending every night together & then come 7:30am every morning she would spring up and go to be his housemaid/landscaper & also book keeper (accountant).

 

after 3 weeks of it my blood boiled completely & i packed my stuff & moved out within an hour of her leaving for this guys house

 

as a man, was i right to claim what she was doing to be outrageous?

 

surely my discomfort with this has merit? and i was not irrational to storm away.

 

i cant see any integrity in allowing my woman being the some other man's house maid. the landscaping with an ex was hard enough to deal with but to be his housemaid as well wtf?

 

i have seen her 3 times since (which were terrific experiences as usual) but surely her move to proceed with this venture is a betrayal of 2 people who suppose to be engaged only to one another

 

i seek opinions cos its hard to get some perspective on whether my morality had a right to be upset or whether i have been selfish....

 

now i find myself drifting away we dont contact much despite sleeping together 3 days ago, but if she cant change this i'll go for good

 

thanks for any summation on this cheers

[d0nnivain]

You barely knew each other when you moved in. Problem # 1

 

 

When she lost her good job, she jumped on something off the books to supplement her income. Yes, it seems kind of intimate & I disagree with the smoking but her trying to maintain her lifestyle rather than sitting on her butt shows initiative.

 

 

At this point you two need not go backwards but I think had you both handled this better & talked, you may have been able to avoid a break up but then based solely on your questionable decision to move in together after having known each other for mere 120 days, you two are a bit impulsive IMO. When it starts out so fast, it usually ends the same way.

[Art_Critic]

I think you should maintain the direction you are going in and move on completely from her, if she wasn't sleeping with him she is now or will be in the future.

 

Any guy who hires an ex to do his landscaping then clean his house then do his books has other things on his mind other than saving money.. then he gives her drugs.. his expectations will be if they are already not there is that she should put out.

 

Chalk this up to a learning experience on moving too fast in a relationship and moving in together too fast.

[thunder777]

You barely knew each other when you moved in. Problem # 1

 

When she lost her good job, she jumped on something off the books to supplement her income. Yes, it seems kind of intimate & I disagree with the smoking but her trying to maintain her lifestyle rather than sitting on her butt shows initiative.

 

 

At this point you two need not go backwards but I think had you both handled this better & talked, you may have been able to avoid a break up but then based solely on your questionable decision to move in together after having known each other for mere 120 days, you two are a bit impulsive IMO. When it starts out so fast, it usually ends the same way.

 

yes this was the origin of my outrage. if i had a house maid in my home, my seduction would be sky high, and hence why i refused to be content with having my girl then in his full reach. despite whether she says theyre just friends or not, im a man & i know what men are like

 

how trusting can i be when she is in a single mans domain all for himself, i am more just infuriated that the girl herself was willing to do so at the same time, and that to me was not integrity to the male she loved each night living in her home

 

money blinds all aye

[thunder777]

I think you should maintain the direction you are going in and move on completely from her, if she wasn't sleeping with him she is now or will be in the future.

 

Any guy who hires an ex to do his landscaping then clean his house then do his books has other things on his mind other than saving money.. then he gives her drugs.. his expectations will be if they are already not there is that she should put out.

 

Chalk this up to a learning experience on moving too fast in a relationship and moving in together too fast.

 

yeah im proud to have made the cut, despite the disappointment, what a joke, how dumb does she think i am to not see how he's courting her with every dollar he's got, and she still maybe may not have touched him haha kinda makes out the kinda loser he is

 

good talk, u guys are great on here

[thunder777]

ive come to a new awakening from this chat

 

am i right to say that this guy is openly offering her every chore in his house and giving her cash to do so with the hope that she'll eventually put out

 

and so far if she hasnt put out for him, knowing that once a screw occurs she may lose these jobs and therefore get no more cash out of him, that he in fact may have spent up to $5000 on her so far to get this eventual lay?

 

and what does that make her once the root occurs? a $5000 prostitute without realizing?

[thunder777]

ive come to a new awakening from this chat

 

am i right to say that this guy is openly offering her every chore in his house and giving her cash to do so with the hope that she'll eventually put out

 

and so far if she hasnt put out for him, knowing that once a screw occurs she may lose these jobs and therefore get no more cash out of him, that he in fact may have spent up to $5000 on her so far to get this eventual lay?

 

and what does that make her once the root occurs? a $5000 prostitute without realizing?

 

this is true isnt it?

 

she is out being a prick tease to a desperate loser who needs to pay thousands of dollars with hope she will finally put out?

 

and she in turn is being a prick tease tagging him along extracting as much money & drugs out of him as possible?

 

if he didnt have sex in mind he wouldnt be allowing her to be a housemaid?

Edited September 5, 2015 by thunder777

[thunder777]

My girlfriend had a job as a managing director of a kids daycare centre, full time & big money

 

but sadly 3 months ago she lost the job.

 

with great initiative a male friend offers cash in hand landscaping work so she immediately jumped into that to pay the bills

 

it also became clear that the guy has lots & lots of weed to smoke so being into cannabis immensely (yes i know highly unprofessional for a managing director) this was another incentive

 

it then also became clear that they may have slept together previously. so great how wonderful to know! NOT!

 

then it evolves to become that she will also be doing his book keeping for money and even worse he then becomes willing to pay her to do all his house work, wash his dishes, do his laundry everything

 

imagine my outrage! we are intimately together and she claims she is just friends with this guy, and she openly welcomes me into her life when she does not have to attend to him.

 

i moved in with her but had to move out because i was so uncomfortable with this new vocation of hers

 

my real concern is what his motives are. for instance what is really happening to her here and what will eventuate. he is single full of money and loaded with drugs, and i do believe theyre are just friends because if sex occurs then she wouldnt be loving to me and she would shut me off like they are together

 

i trust that she is a one man girl in this regard. but again, a guy out there is courting my girl with every dollar he has got, all the weed in the world, he must have only one thing in mind else why would he welcome all this.

 

so whats really happening to her here? i wish it would stop so badly and everytime i bring it up she gets severely defensive

 

but me aside i can see that he is wooing her until she will eventually give in and if she doesnt he will force her because surely every night he is preying for it to happen, theres a climax coming and dont think she can see it coming

 

i dont know how to approach this its very disturbing and i dont know what to do

 

please help

Edited September 6, 2015 by thunder777

[Siquijor]

it then also became clear that they may have slept together previously.

 

i do believe theyre are just friends because if sex occurs then she wouldnt be loving to me and she would shut me off like they are together

 

 

Hmmmm

 

 

Don't be fooled by her 'loving' . She wants the best of both worlds.

[La.Primavera]

If a woman can be "wooed" by a pile of weed she probably doesn't have very high standards so it is better to find that out sooner rather than later.

 

Since you have already brought up this issue with your girlfriend I don't think there is anything else you can do, unless you want to end the relationship. Only she can make the decision to quit. If she previously had a good career I don't think this will be fulfilling for very long.

 

I hope it works out.

[d0nnivain]

First, it's against forum rules to post the same Q 2x. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/546350-i-irrational-did-i-have-merit

 

 

Second, the answer hasn't changed.

 

 

Your GF is not being paid to be somebody else's GF. In her time of need a guy offered her a job. Instead of hiring a stranger to clean his house & do his books, he hired somebody he knew & trusted. You assume it's a step away from prostitution which tells me your mind is in the gutter. I have a housekeeper & and bookkeeper. Granted I'm a woman but I have no sexual desires toward either. I simply want a clean house & my bills paid. Why you don't trust your GF of this guy is your issue but unless you are willing to support her while she's unemployed, I submit you don't really get to dictate how she earns money legally.

 

 

How can it "be clear" that they "may" have slept together previously? The very way you phrased the Q indicates you have no facts on supposition which is the opposite of clear.

[thunder777]

yes u are right and yes i have trust issues

 

but would homer simpson be comfortable with marge spending everyday at some rich guys house and putting the rich guy ahead of homer at every call of need?

 

consider the anguish homer would go thru

 

tonight i asked her out for tea, but instead i got the answer "mr rich has hurt his back she is going over there to prepare his tea and feed his dog, what are u up to tomorrow instead?"

 

how can my trust maintain stability with this just delivered on my plate?

 

i just wish it would stop and i dont know how or if she will ever get back to her career ambitions

[Lois_Griffin]

it also became clear that the guy has lots & lots of weed to smoke so being into cannabis immensely (yes i know highly unprofessional for a managing director) this was another incentive

Not hard to figure out how she 'lost' her job at the daycare. May I assume they do random drug testing?

 

... and i do believe theyre are just friends because if sex occurs then she wouldnt be loving to me and she would shut me off like they are together

You're very naïve. People cheat all the time and act completely the same as they always did with their spouse/mate.

 

Honestly, if she's that pathetic that she has to glom onto whoever can provide her with weed, then she's pretty pitiful. There's more to life than getting high. Why are you even wasting your time with this woman?

[thunder777]

Not hard to figure out how she 'lost' her job at the daycare. May I assume they do random drug testing?

 

 

You're very naïve. People cheat all the time and act completely the same as they always did with their spouse/mate.

 

Honestly, if she's that pathetic that she has to glom onto whoever can provide her with weed, then she's pretty pitiful. There's more to life than getting high. Why are you even wasting your time with this woman?

 

her mother is dying of cancer, 3 years ago her marriage likely ended because after multiple attempts her ibf treatments failed and everyday all she wants is a baby

 

yes her substance abuse is sky high at present but she is my friend, i wont just throw her to the ruins because i am not a pig

[Siquijor]

yes u are right and yes i have trust issues

 

 

 

To be fair, I think most would see this as a red flag especially as she's presumably slept with him beforehand.

 

 

Also, if you wanted someone to work for you, you wouldn't want them to be stoned because they wouldn't do the job properly would they, if at all?

 

 

This guy is using the situation over her job loss to get what he wants and it isn't someone to feed his dog.

[Vercetti]

If I gave a girl weed and money to do house work, I would be giving her something else. Yeah my mind is in the gutter, but girls have gone for way less then supply and Bill money. Oh poor thing lost job cause doped up, here is some dope..tell your boyfriend your house cleaning.....five nights a week.

 

Only really, I would be worried for the natural reason...some other man is providing her wants and needs. Just given she is getting.g high on the down....I would move on to someone with brain a bit more together.

[Gary S]

Prostitution pays well I guess!

[ExpatInItaly]

Time to find a different girlfriend

[jen1447]

She was a $70,000 daycare managing director and now she cleans houses for $5,000 plus weed?

 

You're entitled to expect anything you want from her, but just be aware that she is too, and you're both free to reject the expectations.

[thunder777]

yep its insanity

 

she might not be putting out, but she is being courted to do so eventually. at that point "the bordering on prostitution" will be confirmed

 

oh well yes, time to get a new girlfriend

 

ive been trying to do the NC, and failed a couple times, but this times i have absolutely NO WAY of getting in contact, no records of numbers, even nothing on phone carrier records

 

it feels completely awesome to have zero avenues & that i wont be trying to resuscitate a dead horse who wont listen

 

thanks for help guys