Lord_G Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 My ex and I split after 5.5 years together. I was her second relationship and her my 3rd, so we both had some experience. Our split is a bit of a story, so here it is: We were friends for 2 years before we dated, she was the best friend of one of my ex's and she was with a fiance at the time. both relationships failed, mine 7 months before hers, but we then dated 2 months after hers did. Things went slow and natural, like you hope they do. I liked her as a good friend and it just deepened. After year and half dating we moved in together as we went to school, me for a 4 yr medical degree her for business. Fast forward to out 3 yrs together. She left school on her own choice and chose to work full time, I was doing odd jobs for cash and still schooling. An incident occurred. I was accused of...get this...thinking of molesting a patient in a hospital. By a girl I used to hit on before I was dating my ex. Yeah. Anyways I was dragged through the mud, and it broke me. I became depressed and suicidal and flunked out of my program due to my grades dropping from B+ to C-. My ex watched over me and is the only reason I lived during that time. We moved into her parents for money reasons and both started working. I got telemarketing and she scored a nice 40k job through a friend. I was......in truth I mean I am....broken still from the incident (seriously, teachers and deans and students all calling you monster for something you didnt do for half a year..it screws with your head). I couldnt handle stress anymore and drank if pushed to far, so I jumped from telemarketing job to telemarketing job, usually with 2or 3 months between jobs as I hunted. I did what I had to bring in money, including selling my care and cashing in my stocks. I was looking long term at earning all that money slowly back. Durign this time I got a ring and proposed, with her happily saying yes. Tried going back to school and work full time but I spiraled uncontrollably emotionally. Swinging from depressed to angry/rage. I want to note I never lashed out, never hit and never insulted. I raged alone. Only alone. Finally I got to end of rope and tried suicide twice. With a counselor and my fiance's help I got better. I got not a job at night, and I got a career going during the day at the same time (pension, benefits, union) and in a year or 2 would have been full time. Around this time I noticed, since we moved back into her parents after I got the jobs for yet again money sake, that both her mother and herself were very physically and verbally and financially abusive towards me. I had enough and we split. We have been NC when possible (had to talk to split joint bank account and such) and I moved back into my parents. Unfortunately that meant I moved 6 hours away and lost my career, gave up my dog (which her mother convinced her I beat several times), and she gave me the ring. In essence I got all the reminders and she got none of them. Scratch that I got my cat, and she and her mother DID hit the cat several times and I wasn't leaving my kitty there to them. After several months I dated a few times, even had a FWB for a few, and honestly after finding out she has started dating again I wish her the best. I do love her still.....up till i walked I planned on making her my wife, but i know its for the best. The thing that gets me, is a mutual acquaintance recently told me she is saying I was the one who hit her, not the other way around, that I was the one that financially used her, and that I did in fact beat the dog multiple times. For some reason that....that cut me deep. She knew me best out of anyone. For her to say that..... I thought I was making good progress then this hit me. P.S. - My psychiatrist thinks I am either severely depressed or (and we both think this more likely) I am some form of Bipolar. Apparently if susceptible and go through a stressful enough event you can become Bipolar if you weren't it before. I feel bad that she had to live with me during my ups and downs.
Downtown Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I spiraled uncontrollably emotionally. Swinging from depressed to angry/rage.... My psychiatrist thinks I am either severely depressed or (and we both think this more likely) I am some form of Bipolar. Hello, Ontario Lord. Welcome to the LoveShack forum. Perhaps you do suffer from bipolar-1, as you and your psychiatrist suspect. I note, however, that bipolar-1 typically causes swings between depression and MANIA. The swings you describe -- between depression and ANGRY/RAGE -- is more characteristic of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Significantly, anger and rage are defining traits for BPD, not bipolar. Indeed, "anger" and "rage" appear in three of the nine behavioral traits that are used in diagnosing BPD (i.e., in the APA's DSM-5 diagnostic manual). Moreover, whereas bipolar-1 swings typically take a week or two to develop because they are caused by gradual changes in body chemistry, BPD swings typically occur in less than a minute because they are sudden releases of anger (which is always there) that are triggered by events. I mention this distinction because, whereas bipolar usually can be treated quite successfully by swallowing a pill, BPD is more difficult to treat because medications will not make a dent in it. I therefore suggest that you take a look at my list of 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW). If that description of BPD traits rings many bells, I would suggest you also check out my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. I caution that, even if you do exhibit strong BPD traits, this does not rule out bipolar-1. About 36% of BPDers also suffer from comorbid bipolar-1. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP. Finally, I will highlight another important distinction. Whereas bipolar is a disease someone "has" or "doesn't have," BPD is not considered to be a disease. Instead, it is just a group of basic human behaviors (ego defenses, actually) that every human being exhibits to some degree. This is why it is called a "spectrum" disorder. BPD thus is not something one "has" or "doesn't have." At issue, then, is not whether you exhibit BPD traits. Of course you do. We all do. Rather, at issue is whether you exhibit those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., whether you are on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met you, I cannot answer that question. I therefore suggest that, if you suspect you are exhibiting strong BPD warning signs, you discuss this possibility with your psychiatrist.
Recommended Posts