WorriedL Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five years, our anniversary next month, and recently he has been under a lot of stress- he recently moved out and into his own place from his mother and he is self employed and the money is very inconsistent so he has a lot of worries about paying bills and still buying all the appliances he needs for his new place. Hes been looking for a new job but nothing has come of it so far. Recently he started to withdraw from me, and although it sounds crazy I know something is wrong, he is constantly attached to his phone and he claims its because he is self employed but I think there is something more to it than that- he even takes it with him to the bathroom! He doesnt want to see me as often any more and even though I know he is free he'll say to meet hours later and if I make suggestions for plans his response is either yeah whatever or basically uncertain about the plans and saying I'll call about it later on. This isnt the first time he's done this, and we actually had a brief break up following the same scenario earlier on in the year as well, which very few people know about as he wanted to keep it quiet that we had exasperated especially from his family. I do believe he is slipping into depression again with all his stress and money issues, but I never know how to act and respond to him when this happens? He always pushes me away when this happens. When he isnt like this he is the most loving person I have ever known and its like he is another person when this happens he seems like he doesnt want me their or even care at all, and I know when he goes in these moods he starts chatting up other women and going to them instead of me. I know of another women involved who he was talking to during the last break up- she was all over him and obviously he came back into the relationship with me and I am worried this is happening again hence why he is secretive with his phone. When he isn't depressed or stressed he is the most loving caring man I have ever met and talks about our future together and kids and ect- yet when hes in these moods he can't even say if I will be in his future. Any ideas on what to do? Any help would be so greatly appreciated
Ami1uwant Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 My observations... 1. You have been together for 5 yrs and you too didn't move in together? 2. He is likely communicating with another woman. It may not be that same woman.
Author WorriedL Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 We are both 21, when he moved out it was through no choice of his own with his parents and I wasn't (and still not) in the financial position to of moved in with him. How would I be able to find out for definite if he is talking to another girl about it? And what should I do about it? Thank you!
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 21? This is dead in the water. He is becoming distant because he doesn't want to do this any more. He has outgrown you. He wants to spread his wings and explore new horizons (no, that's not a euphemism.) You're both far too young to be considering living the whole remainder of your lives together. This isn't a permanent situation. If I were you, I would seriously evaluate what this is telling you. Because there is no future in this relationship, other than one where you guys head off in separate directions and gain some Life-experience elsewhere. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five years, our anniversary next month, and recently he has been under a lot of stress- he recently moved out and into his own place from his mother and he is self employed and the money is very inconsistent so he has a lot of worries about paying bills and still buying all the appliances he needs for his new place. Hes been looking for a new job but nothing has come of it so far. Recently he started to withdraw from me, and although it sounds crazy I know something is wrong, he is constantly attached to his phone and he claims its because he is self employed but I think there is something more to it than that- he even takes it with him to the bathroom! He doesnt want to see me as often any more and even though I know he is free he'll say to meet hours later and if I make suggestions for plans his response is either yeah whatever or basically uncertain about the plans and saying I'll call about it later on. This isnt the first time he's done this, and we actually had a brief break up following the same scenario earlier on in the year as well, which very few people know about as he wanted to keep it quiet that we had exasperated especially from his family. I do believe he is slipping into depression again with all his stress and money issues, but I never know how to act and respond to him when this happens? He always pushes me away when this happens. When he isnt like this he is the most loving person I have ever known and its like he is another person when this happens he seems like he doesnt want me their or even care at all, and I know when he goes in these moods he starts chatting up other women and going to them instead of me. I know of another women involved who he was talking to during the last break up- she was all over him and obviously he came back into the relationship with me and I am worried this is happening again hence why he is secretive with his phone. When he isn't depressed or stressed he is the most loving caring man I have ever met and talks about our future together and kids and ect- yet when hes in these moods he can't even say if I will be in his future. Any ideas on what to do? Any help would be so greatly appreciated I was about to stay that he is under serious pressure and this withdrawal may really just be a symptom of that..until I read this part. OP, you are both very young. Don't tolerate crap like that. I have a feeling he's outgrown the relationship. Going into a depressed mood does not cause people to sneak around with others. Sorry, but don't give him a pass on that. You've been together a long time but I would imagine you haven't really dated other people. Relationships from the teen years often don't survive into adulthood. If you even need to be worried that he's talking to other girls, the relationship is in trouble. You could ask him, but I doubt he would be honest about it. Tell him his recent behaviour concerns you and you need to work together to find a solution. If he isn't open to that, I think you can more or less consider this done.
Author WorriedL Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 Thank you for your responses, we havent had any other serious relationships and we both have only sexually been with each other. I cannot say for certain this time if he is talking with another woman but I do have my doubts about it I'm seeing him later on today and Ill just have to bite the bullet and have a word with him about it all
Lois_Griffin Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Thank you for your responses, we havent had any other serious relationships and we both have only sexually been with each other. I cannot say for certain this time if he is talking with another woman but I do have my doubts about it I'm seeing him later on today and Ill just have to bite the bullet and have a word with him about it all And he'll just lie and tell you that you're imagining things. I hate to tell you, but he's a 21 year old. 21 year old guys want to experience everything. For 5 years, he's only known you and he's more than ready to date others. The writing is on the wall. I also think you're being VERY naïve thinking you've been his only sex partner. Very naïve. As the others have said and you don't seem to want to acknowledge, this teenage relationship has run its course. 2
Recommended Posts