Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Do you think it's ever okay to just sleep people for experience? I just kind of think in these days, men prefer woman who have slept with sort of a specific number? more than 10 is okay less than 15 is preferable but five or less is considered " not experienced" enough. Is our sexual culture changing? is this "pre-approved" notion imagined or real? I've spoken to men who say that they would never date a woman that was a virgin and some say would never take a woman seriously if they've slept with less than 5 people. What is "sexual experience" anyway? can someone define it? and what do most men on this thread prefer? say a woman in her early thirties slept with only 5 people and not all of them relationships... red flag?
Satu Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 You've posted on this topic before. In my opinion, sleeping with someone 'to get some experience for future' use, is insincere and cynical to the extent of being bizarre. I wouldn't give the time of day to someone who did that. 7
guest569 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I am going with no. Its unfair on the other person if you dont really even want to have sex with them. Making up for lost time? Yes. But purely to get your count up, no way. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 I am going with no. Its unfair on the other person if you dont really even want to have sex with them. Making up for lost time? Yes. But purely to get your count up, no way. Isn't making up for lost time and getting your count up essentially the same thing?
guest569 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Isn't making up for lost time and getting your count up essentially the same thing? I dunno, I guess it is. I am just trying to differentiate between a focus on numbers (being worried about what people think of your low count) and actually going out and enjoying sex with human beings (because you want to). As long as they know you're not looking for a relationship i dont see the problem.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 I dunno, I guess it is. I am just trying to differentiate between a focus on numbers (being worried about what people think of your low count) and actually going out and enjoying sex with human beings (because you want to). As long as they know you're not looking for a relationship i dont see the problem. I just get the impression that men care about a low number because they don't want someone to "teach them" how to be good in bed. They'd rather sleep with a woman that comes with significant amount of experience. I think I have been disrespected MORE admitting to having a low number. A guy can take advantage of a girl who has been with less people with just one fell swoop by some compliments only to hump and dump them in less than 24 hours. If you've been around the block, your'e not easily fooled.
Gary S Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 You've posted on this topic before. In my opinion, sleeping with someone 'to get some experience for future' use, is insincere and cynical to the extent of being bizarre. I wouldn't give the time of day to someone who did that. - Absolutely. Promiscuity is dangerous and can increase the chances of unplanned pregnancy, STD's, broken homes and broken hearts. Monogamy, love, and marriage is the best way to go. Unfortunately, some believe monogamy is a type of wood! I disagree that sexual experience is necessary....I think sex should involve love, and be a discovery process, discovering each other's bodies.....figuring out what to do could be half the fun! You don't need experience, and I think low numbers are better - everybody was a virgin once, and they aren't banned from love. 5
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 - Absolutely. Promiscuity is dangerous and can increase the chances of unplanned pregnancy, STD's, broken homes and broken hearts. Monogamy, love, and marriage is the best way to go. Unfortunately, some believe monogamy is a type of wood! I disagree that sexual experience is necessary....I think sex should involve love, and be a discovery process, discovering each other's bodies.....figuring out what to do could be half the fun! You don't need experience, and I think low numbers are better - everybody was a virgin once, and they aren't banned from love. Interesting, I think I just received a counter-culture response!
Gary S Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Interesting, I think I just received a counter-culture response! - More like the ultra-conservative, smart, bible-thumping response Also, consider this....... why have empty sex with someone you don't have feelings for when you could have mind blowing fun with someone you are in love with? Why settle for anything less? There is nothing like being in love!
carhill Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I'm still waiting for a verifiable way to determine how many people a person has slept with to even attempt to make a determination of what making up for lost time is. Maybe someday. IMO, sleep with who you want. Have sex with who you want too, consensually of course. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 - More like the ultra-conservative, smart, bible-thumping response Also, consider this....... why have empty sex with someone you don't have feelings for when you could have mind blowing fun with someone you are in love with? Why settle for anything less? There is nothing like being in love! Love is not easy to find. I know I have been single for so long I think my high school boyfriend of two and a bit years is no longer considered " a ex" more like a long lost friend. Although I've dated a lot with varying results... I think dating is a bit like going in for a job interview. People ask how long your last relationship was and how long ago it was.. if you say 12 years ago, you're probably not looking at a second date. If however, you say you've dated considerably and had "flings" and slept with people... men at least know that you're a viable option that has had some experience. I can't cycle the tour de France if i haven't had significant amount of practice or lessons or training.
lana-banana Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 If you both agree it's about sex rather than love, why not? I lost my virginity to a guy who was my boyfriend at the time but nobody very special. Honestly, I'm glad I did. I learned a lot about sex, grew in confidence, and felt ambivalent when it came time to break up. At the end of the day you have to do what works for you.
Gary S Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 (edited) People ask how long your last relationship was and how long ago it was.. if you say 12 years ago, you're probably not looking at a second date. - yeah, that's a long time, I might wonder what issues you could have that keep you from finding someone for so long. But it would also cross my mind that you are not promiscuous, and that's a positive. I would not worry too much about it.... but if you want, you could put the positive spin on it......say, "It's been too long!" Sometimes when you tell a joke, they forget the original question! It's true! If however, you say you've dated considerably and had "flings" and slept with people... men at least know that you're a viable option that has had some experience. . - Now see, that would be a big red flag to me...... I'd be thinking you are too loose and have a higher chance of having a disease. Why don't you stop overthinking things and just be yourself? - You sound like a good girl.......good men like good women........especially when they are attracted to them! Edited September 6, 2015 by Gary S
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Past a certain point, virginity is not all that it's cracked up to be. However, it's not the most terrible thing. If you have kept your V card by choice, don't just throw it away because that will make you feel worse. When people ask Qs & the answer is numerical: when was your last relationship? How many partners have you had? etc the exact # will create more problems then it solves. Granted for you it's been a while but I think saying "a while ago" followed by "I'd rather focus in the present & possibly the future with you rather than the past" is a better response. Don't lie but take some creative license with the truth
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 Past a certain point, virginity is not all that it's cracked up to be. However, it's not the most terrible thing. If you have kept your V card by choice, don't just throw it away because that will make you feel worse. When people ask Qs & the answer is numerical: when was your last relationship? How many partners have you had? etc the exact # will create more problems then it solves. Granted for you it's been a while but I think saying "a while ago" followed by "I'd rather focus in the present & possibly the future with you rather than the past" is a better response. Don't lie but take some creative license with the truth You think that by not being honest it creates problems? I think at the end of the day I have two options--- Lie about how long it's been with people or sleep with people. Admitting that's it's been 12 years even though it's the truth is a turn off? It seems so unfair. That's why I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Although I am not a virgin, I think men would be immediately turned off by the lack of success, wonder why and won't stick around to find out. Doesn't matter how attractive you are, they'll always be thinking something is wrong with you if you admit when your'e last relationship was in the early 2000's. By sleeping with more, I kind of then think at least I've been "pre-approved" by some degree. I find this really hard, as I get older it gets harder... I think I don't want it to "FEEL" like a long time even though it has been, by sleeping with more people, the feeling of perceptual singleness diminishes and the feeling of sexy confidence increases.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 You think that by not being honest it creates problems? I think at the end of the day I have two options--- Lie about how long it's been with people or sleep with people. Admitting that's it's been 12 years even though it's the truth is a turn off? It seems so unfair. That's why I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Although I am not a virgin, I think men would be immediately turned off by the lack of success, wonder why and won't stick around to find out. Doesn't matter how attractive you are, they'll always be thinking something is wrong with you if you admit when your'e last relationship was in the early 2000's. By sleeping with more, I kind of then think at least I've been "pre-approved" by some degree. I find this really hard, as I get older it gets harder... I think I don't want it to "FEEL" like a long time even though it has been, by sleeping with more people, the feeling of perceptual singleness diminishes and the feeling of sexy confidence increases. But then no one wants a ho either? this is confusing
Gary S Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Doesn't matter how attractive you are, they'll always be thinking something is wrong with you if you admit when your'e last relationship was in the early 2000's. - See, I think that's baloney...... the majority of men are not going to turn down an attractive woman because she's been celibate for 12 years. People love to worry about things that won't happen.
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I am not advocating lying. I am advocating obscuring the truth. Let me put it this way. I was out with a group & had one of the worst meals I'd ever eaten. The hostess was very sweet & so looking forward to everyone enjoying their meals. She asked how dinner was & everyone practically choked because nobody wanted to hurt her feelings. I said something about it being "just like mom's . . .genuine home cooking as far as I was concerned." The hostess beam & left the room momentarily. All the other guests glared at me, angry that I could lie to such a sweet hostess. DH saved me when he remembered that my mother was a horrible cook. The hostess's cooking really reminded me of my mom's which was disgusting. I told her the truth but she took it in a positive way even though that is not how I meant it, although I did phrase it that way to avoid hurting her feelings. Don't turn yourself into somebody you are not just to please some potential future partner. The right guy will like you for who you are. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 - See, I think that's baloney...... the majority of men are not going to turn down an attractive woman because she's been celibate for 12 years. People love to worry about things that won't happen. I haven't been entirely celibate for that long, I just wanted to increase the numbers to increase a certain level of desirability.
Gus Grimly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I said something about it being "just like mom's . . .genuine home cooking as far as I was concerned." The hostess beam & left the room momentarily You're a good apple!
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 She asked how dinner was & everyone practically choked because nobody wanted to hurt her feelings. I said something about it being "just like mom's . . .genuine home cooking as far as I was concerned." The hostess beam & left the room momentarily. All the other guests glared at me, angry that I could lie to such a sweet hostess. DH saved me when he remembered that my mother was a horrible cook. The hostess's cooking really reminded me of my mom's which was disgusting. I told her the truth but she took it in a positive way even though that is not how I meant it, although I did phrase it that way to avoid hurting her feelings. see that is just lying to me! It would have been best to say nothing at all. But if someone asks, I tell them the truth.
preraph Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 There's just as many men who judge women for having slept with even a few or more. You can't go by what men want because they want different things and sometimes they don't really want anything except sex, so why bust your *ss trying to outguess them. Stop trying to be anyone you're not. Don't EVER talk numbers with guys and it's a big red flag if they pressure you for your number because it usually means they're going to be judgy about it or base some decision on it. As long as you are protecting yourself thoroughly by seeing to your own birth control and never depending on a man to do it for you, sleep with who you want to sleep with when you want to sleep with them, enjoy it, and then keep your numbers to yourself. 1
TheBathWater Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Do you think it's ever okay to just sleep people for experience? I just kind of think in these days, men prefer woman who have slept with sort of a specific number? more than 10 is okay less than 15 is preferable but five or less is considered " not experienced" enough. Is our sexual culture changing? is this "pre-approved" notion imagined or real? I've spoken to men who say that they would never date a woman that was a virgin and some say would never take a woman seriously if they've slept with less than 5 people. What is "sexual experience" anyway? can someone define it? and what do most men on this thread prefer? say a woman in her early thirties slept with only 5 people and not all of them relationships... red flag? The last two women I had serious feelings for both had six or fewer sex partners at mid and late twenties, respectively. This did not change my opinion on them in the slightest. I really do not judge whether someone has been with 4 or 40 people, as long as they are able to commit, be faithful, nurture a relationship, all the good stuff...
TheBathWater Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Don't EVER talk numbers with guys and it's a big red flag if they pressure you for your number because it usually means they're going to be judgy about it or base some decision on it. I support this statement 100 percent. I never ask for a number, and I never give mine out. Sometimes women offer me their number for whatever reason, but they don't ask mine. 1
Gary S Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 More on the subject - I don't advocate lying........ one of the cornerstones of a good relationship is honesty....... so if you are lying, you are starting off on the wrong foot, and might sabotage the relationship. It's harder to lie anyway - harder to remember the lies than it is to remember the truth........so not worth it in the end. However, openness and honesty are two different things......a date/so is not your counselor, you don't have to volunteer unnecessary info that could be a turnoff. Plus, to shut down the interview, you can deflect with humor or ask them the same question back. But I still say this is a non-issue. Where is katigirl, redhead, geata, and blackzombiegirl.........can somebody talk some sense into this nice lady?!
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